Top 7: Fizzled Out Cubs

In honor of the final Cards/Cubs series of the season, it’s time for some fun at the expense of the Cubs.  They seem to have an awful lot of guys who simply fizzle out.  In fact, there are probably some that I missed on the following list.  These are guys who were at one time superstars, stars, or stars simply for a few days, before they crashed and burned.  Some of the downfalls were worse than others, and some are still unfolding as the games go by.  Happy last series of the season, and a special thanks to the schedule makers at MLB, who don’t have the Cubs visiting Busch Stadium next season until August 13.  Way to go!

7. Sammy Sosa
Cub fans had a relationship with Sosa that see-sawed so greatly, the only comparison that comes close to resembling it is The Undertaker and Kane’s.  A quick recap: he comes to the Cubs, has a couple of decent years and is liked, is disliked because he isn’t performing up to a huge contract, hits 66 home runs, rivals Jordan in Chicago popularity, hops after home run, kisses fingers, nearly leads Cubs to World Series, is almost traded and fans don’t seem to care, continues with team and fans pretend like the almost trade never happened, leaves last game of season early, leaves team, fans pretend they never liked him anyways.

6. Kosuke Fukudome
The hilarity ensued once he was signed because of his potentially foul last name.  Ha ha!  Get it!?  It was the single-most overused joke of 2008, the joke-equivalent of someone asking you “how is work?” or discussing the weather.  His stock rose dramatically at Wrigley after his game-tying homer on Opening Day in ’08, fueling speculation that he was merely working on specific aspects of his game in Spring Training and wasn’t as bad as he played in Arizona.  Truthfully, Fukudome can be a halfway decent on-base guy for a couple of months at a time, but there are some months that he is basically Aaron Miles (he hit .217/.314/.639 in the second half last year and is hitting .127/.265/.164 (!) in September so far this year).###MORE###

5. Mark Prior
He was baseball’s version of the Titanic.  Instead of the “unsinkable boat,” he was the man with “perfect mechanics,” who would never get injured.  He was injured in 2004, 2005, and 2006, and hasn’t pitched since.  His comebacks became so regular that even Cub fans stopped getting excited about them, and they get excited to hear a song that contains the following lyrics: “Go Cubs Go, Go Cubs Go, hey Chicago, what do you say, Cubs are gonna win today”…after they have already won that day.

4. Carlos Zambrano
Here’s one that continues to fizzle right in front of us.  Cub fans have had a love/hate relationship with Big Z.  He has the ability to completely dominate games.  He also has the ability to go completely insane on the mound, yell at the fans, teammates, opposing players who hit home runs off of him, and the manager.  You never know what he’s going to do.  He could be hitting on Sunday night, pause, and take a chunk out of Jason LaRue’s femur, and no one would be very surprised.  He’s given up 4 or more earned runs five times this season, including a 7-spot and an 8-spot.  Each one just inches him closer to killing five or six people in the stands.  Now there are rumors that he’s going to be traded in the offseason.  If the list were “Top 7 Interesting Fan Reactions If A Player Ever Returned to his Current Home Field as a Visiting Player,” Z may be #1.

3. Alfonso Soriano
And if the previous list were simply who would be booed the most if they ever returned to their home field as a visiting player, Soriano would probably be #2, only because  his teammate Milton Bradley would easily be #1.  Cub fans were happy when they got Soriano even though very few were thrilled that they had to sign him through 2014.  He will be 34 when next season starts.  He will have five more years on his contract, and he will be coming off a year where he hit .241/.303/.423, and his defense continues to more and more resemble a guy on crutches.

2. Corey Patterson
I actually had an argument with some Cub fans in 2003 about who was better—Patterson…or Jim Edmonds.  It’s always fun to check up and him and laugh at some of his stats.  The last I knew, he was on the Brewers, but apparently, he only lasted five games with them after going 0 for 8 with four strikeouts.  He’s now on the Nationals, and in five games with them, he is 2 for 15 with six strikeouts.  One wonders when teams will simply stop giving him a shot.  It’s like if someone signed Kevin Federline to a six album contract after hearing “Y’all Ain’t Ready.

1. Dusty Baker
Speaking of Patterson, good ole Dusty gave him 366 at-bats last year with the Reds!  It’s going to be hard to ever top Dusty’s fizzling out with the Cubs.  In 2003, you could walk around Wrigleyville and see hundreds of people wearing “In Dusty We Trusty” T-shirts on any game day.  Just two years and at least two ruined arms later, he became probably the most hated manager in Cub history.

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