Pardon me. I'm just trying to scrape my jaw off the floor.
It's been stuck there for a good five minutes thanks to the pre-bat routine by this Japanese high school slugger, who has run out of damns to give at such a tender age in life.
I've been trying to find the origin of the video with little success, but it was posted Thursday morning, and I can confirm it is delightful.
The video starts out zoomed out wide. A high school band strikes up "We Will Rock You," which is about as perfect a walk-up song as can be played for the man stepping to the dish.
It's far away, but you can still see the first of No. 12's pre-swing routines, which involves sticking the bat into the ground (somehow), pointing at the pitcher and then whipping into an impressive, Neo-meets-Bruce Lee, bat-swinging flurry.
There is no spoon—only the primal vortex of the bat.
He also did one of those synchronized, bachelorette-party-jump-for-the-picture leaps, which would get into any hurler's head.
The batter managed to get a piece of his third pitch but fouled it off to left.
Sensing trepidation in the dugout, he looked back to tell his manager to chill out and just let him cook.
Finally, our young hero hit a hopper to first, for what I presume was an out.
I say "presume" because you can't see the play, and the last thing the camera records is his running back to his dugout Ninja Gaiden style.
God bless you, young bat-flipping squire. You are the best of us, and I hope one day your free spirit will not be answered with rib-bruisers and chin music. You deserve acceptance.
Dan is on Twitter. We could power cities with this young man's swagger.