B/R 5th Down: College Football's 'Fast and Furious' Take, Latest Rivalry Antics

Editor's Note: The Fifth Down captures the top social college football stories of the week. Because the long, grueling offseason is underway, we'll focus on things that make us laugh, think or maybe cry, but mostly laugh. 

1) Utah's Coaching Staff Parodies The Fast and The Furious 

The 29th seventh installment of The Fast and The Furious movie franchise came out earlier this month and has been a monster hit at the box office, grossing more than $251 million.

Because Utah's coaching staff understands the mind of teenage recruits—and because it apparently has muscle cars just hanging out everywhere—it decided to do a parody for a recruiting video.

There are no appearances by Vin Diesel or The Rock, which is disappointing. Also, no one drove a car out of a plane, but we'll chalk that up to budgetary reasons. In the meantime, we're looking forward to the following sequels:

A Ute Good Men

American Ute-y

TrUte Grit

Cool Hand Ute

 

2) Michigan Fan(s?) Vandalizes Michigan State's Spartan Statue 

The last time Michigan did something this publicly humiliating to Michigan State, former Wolverines running back Mike Hart was calling the Spartans "little brother." Spartans coach Mark Dantonio didn't forget—because he never forgets, y'all—and has been stepping on Michigan's collective throat ever since. 

And yet, the rivalry lives on. Someone, perhaps several people, decided to give Michigan State's spartan statue a paint job of sorts. Well, the results can be seen below: 

Welp, now you've done it, Michigan. As if Dantonio weren't annoyed enough by you—remember, Dantonio doesn't get mad; he gets disappointed, and it hurts so much more that way—he's going to make you pay for it. 

It'll be the football equivalent of washing your mouth out with dish soap. And then when you're done, you're cleaning out the garage. 

3) Your College Football Burn of the Week...Rivalry Edition!

There are few things better in college football than a good rivalry trolling. But instead of painting Georgia's stadium with gold graffiti, Georgia Tech opted to take the high road when it came to its 30-24 overtime win over Georgia last season.

If you take a glance at the team's Orange Bowl rings below, you'll see "State Champs" written on the side. 

"

We finally got the Orange Bowl Rings!! Just as much yours as they are ours. Thx for the support all year Jacket fam!! pic.twitter.com/wPLxXdwNWz

— GTStudents (@GTStudents) April 15, 2015"

Georgia Tech can enjoy that one for a little bit longer. Nov. 28, 2015 will be here before you know it, Bulldogs fans. 

4) Speaking of Championship Rings, Ohio State Has 100 of Them

A few weeks ago, Ohio State players and coaches showed off some of their championship rings. Apparently, they weren't done. 

Another national championship ring arrived this week, and amazingly, it's even more incredible than the first one. Here's Buckeyes tight end Jeff Heuerman showing off his bling via Twitter: 

Given the run Ohio State is on, if the Buckeyes win another national championship in 2016, we'll be getting tweets of shiny rings for... [punches numbers in calculator] [carries the five] 30 more years.  

5) Virginia Tech Lineman Eats 8 Taco Bell Burritos and Lives to Tell About It 

Understand this first and foremost: Offensive linemen are God's gift to football. Not only is there something glorious about a big man pancaking another big man, but they're easily some of the smartest, most interesting players in front of a microphone. 

Wyatt Teller, Virginia Tech's redshirt sophomore lineman, is no exception. Speaking to media this week, Teller informed reporters that he loves Taco Bell's Beefy Fritos Burritos and can attack* eight at a time.

(*Note: You do not eat Beefy Fritos Burritos, just like you don't eat pizza. You "attack" Beefy Fritos Burritos. You "attack" pizza. There is no other acceptable verb here.) 

According to Joe Lanza of The Key Play, "a single Beefy Fritos Burrito has 440 calories and 18 grams of fat. Teller-size your order (multiply by 8), and it's 3,520 calories and 144 grams of fat a pop." 

And, some say, Teller's arteries clogged three times that day.  

6) Jim Harbaugh Wants to Know That He Can Count on Your Vote

Last month, Michigan head coach Jim Harbaugh finished fourth in the university's student government election. It was an honorable race considering he did no campaigning whatsoever, but Harbaugh, the constant competitor, vowed to do better. 

Clearly, he wants everyone to know he, like Hilary Clinton, isn't done pursuing a term in office. Speaking to reporters this week, Harbaugh wanted the American people to know what their rights are. 

Oh, but it is accurate. As a law-abiding, tax-paying citizen, you have more rights than you probably realize. As your president elect, Harbaugh would like you to know you have:

1) The right to enjoy Judge Judy without shame.

2) The right to eat at Cracker Barrel and genuinely believe it's country cookin'. 

3) The right to just be yourself, and maybe you, too, will win a Grammy. 

4) The right to enthusiasm that, physically or biologically speaking, may not be measurable by science.

Harbaugh 2016. Believe it. 

7) You Love College Football; Now, You Can Eat College Football  

College football fanatics believe in many things, two of which fall hand-in-hand here. First, there are no such things as fall weddings*. Second, college football cakes are where it's at. 

(*Note: Seriously, though, get married whenever you want. Your significant other is far less likely to lose on a kick-six touchdown at the last second anyway. It's technically still possible, yes, but we're talking .000001 percent chance here.) 

Jon Solomon of CBS Sports was apparently at a wedding rehearsal this week in which the cake being served was a Clemson paw of the Rice Krispie Treat variety. 

It looks amazing, and I would attack—remember that verb?—that whole thing. However, serious question: What do South Carolina fans in attendance do? You're not going to be rude and not take a piece right? This isn't about you, after all. It's their day, and you're there to support them. But, by consuming the cake, you're allowing purple and orange food coloring into your body. Isn't that the same as wearing purple and orange? Is it worse?

Actually, why are you even friends with a Clemson fan? Isn't that against the rules or something?

There's a lot going on here beyond the cake itself that needs to be addressed. 

8) Texas and Texas A&M Players Battle on Twitter, and for Goodness' Sake, Just Play Again Already

Earlier this week, Chris Low of ESPN.com reported that Texas head coach Charlie Strong and Texas A&M coach Kevin Sumlin wanted to resume the Longhorns-Aggies rivalry. The game has been defunct since A&M moved to the SEC in 2012. 

This, of course, is another "Gotcha!" moment because there is no chance these two schools will meet in the foreseeable future. Yet, each time, we fall for it like lemmings. 

Anyway, verbal jabs between the two sides haven't died, and that includes a little Twitter spat Texas A&M freshman defensive tackle Daylon Mack and Texas signee Cecil Cherry started.  

ESPN.com's Jake Trotter provides some context: "Strong, however, told Low that he hadn't forced the issue with his bosses yet. 'Let me win some games first,' said Strong, whose went 6-7 in his first season in Austin. 'Then I can push it. I don't know if I want to go walking into College Station right now.'"

That led Mack to post the money quote on Twitter:  

That apparently didn't sit well with Cherry, who essentially accused Mack of being too soft for Strong's coaching style. 

"

@DaylonMack We going to run Texas to let it be known HOOK EM  you just couldn't handle a real coach that's Charlie Strong

— Cecil Cherry (@cecil__cherry3) April 17, 2015"

It would be a million times better if these two just played, but it's simply not happening. It should, but the folks in charge don't want it to happen anytime soon. 

And we all lose because of it. 

9) Finally, Iowa State Likes Doing Movie Spinoffs, Too

Utah isn't the only program that knows how to parody a movie. Iowa State is currently renovating/expanding Jack Trice Stadium to seat 61,000. As a promotion, the school posted a Field of Dreams spinoff earlier in the week featuring linebacker Levi Peters and coach Paul Rhoads.

As always, Rhoads' proudness level of the video: So Proud! 

Ben Kercheval is a lead writer for college football. Follow him on Twitter @BenKercheval