Pinch Hitter Day : As good as Nickel Beer Night?

In the wake of a season-long Cleveland Indians silent offense that has been basically offensive, and the fact nickel beer night will probably never be brought back(at today’s prices, dollar beer night would even be an incredible promotion), I think the Indians have a golden opportunity for a new interactive fan-based promotion. 

I would call it Pinch Hitter night.  Forty lucky fans would have the opportunity to pinch hit for the Cleveland Indians during a game  in a last ditch effort to save the offense.  It’s a much better plan than cutting Jason Michaels.  Here’s how it would work.

First off, Victor Martinez, the lone bright spot in the Indians offense would actually get to keep his at bats.  Hitting .337, he is the only regular player that Cleveland has that is hitting over .300 or is anywhere near hitting .300.  The only other Indian batting over .300 is Ben Francisco.  He has fourteen at bats for the season so he doesn’t count. 

The forty fans would draw numbers from 1-40.  The number would determine when the fan would bat.  The fan would be limited to one at bat, since he/she should probably not be out in the field.  The first twenty three fans are guaranteed an at bat.  The others would have to hope Victor Martinez got on base, or one of the fans got on base, so the number of hitters would increase above the minimum twenty seven plate appearance require to finish a game and they would get to come up.  If for some reason the fans did send up all forty people, then the players would take over the offense from there, because at that point, the Indians would probably be winning.

While the likelihood of a fan getting a hit is remote, it would be entertaining and roughly the same odds of someone reaching base that actual Indians players are now generating.  Think how great it would be to hear this : “Now batting for the Cleveland Indians…… Aunt Martha. Aunt Martha is a lifetime 0 for 0 against Andy Pettite, but has promised to sacrifice her body by throwing herself on the plate, taking one for fan number 24 so Sister Mary Margaret will realize her big league dream of hitting off Closer Mariano Rivera.  Aunt Martha makes a mean cheesecake, and promises not to slide while wearing her housecoat.”

You cannot beat those kind of memories, unless of course, Aunt Martha does slide, and you are haunted by giant Aunt Martha underpants memories every time you see a baseball or see dirt.

The only thing stopping this idea from becoming a reality is the hope that Indian’s bats will wake up, squelching any upper management need to find the ultimate secretly- disguised-as-a-plumber designated hitter. 

If the blow up doll ritual works for the White Sox, I can’t imagine why Aunt Martha’s underpants couldn’t rescue Cleveland.  It better happen soon.  Cliff Lee only pitches once every five days and can’t keep all games at 0-0.