Many Being Manny: The Ramirez Defense Popular Among Athletes (Satire)

WarderroCorrespondent IJuly 7, 2009

SAN DIEGO - JULY 3:  Manny Ramirez #99 of the Los Angeles Dodgers smiles against the San Diego Padres during the game on July 3, 2009 at Petco Park in San Diego, California. (Photo by Jeff Gross/Getty Images)

The rise of a new legal defense strategy, used in response to inquiries into illicit athlete behavior, is taking both the sports and legal world by storm. 

Dubbed "The Ramirez Defense," it was originally used by Los Angeles Dodgers' outfielder Manny Ramirez as a response to his testing positive for hCG—a women's fertility medication often taken to reduce testosterone levels following a steroid cycle. 

The strategy did not involve any attempt to refute the test result, as Ramirez waived his right to challenge the accusations against him.

Rather, he issued a simple statement when asked about testing positive:

"I didn't kill nobody, I didn't rape nobody. So that's it."

ESPN senior writer, legal corespondent, and all-around baseball know-it-all Buster Olney helped to explain the benefits of such a strategy.

"The astounding effectiveness of the Ramirez Defense is it's simplicity," Olney said.

"His statement is a brief one that you can't argue with. After all, he did not kill or rape anyone. It's a brilliant attempt by Manny to put an offense that compromises the integrity of baseball into perspective. It really makes you stop and say 'I never thought about it that way.' "

Indeed, the move to issue a curt, unapologetic response - one that fails to show even the slightest sign of remorse—has paid off considerably for Ramirez. 

Though he received a 50-game suspension by the league, Manny was still able to train at the Dodgers facilities with coach Manny Mota.

Before his suspension was up, he rehabbed with the AAA Albuquerque Isotopes in front of large crowds - and hit a home run in his debut with the Single-A Inland Empire 66ers.

And as recently as June, Ramirez was just over 130,000 votes out third place in the All-Star balloting among National League outfielders, according to the Los Angeles Times.

"It's really quite remarkable," Olney noted. "He has been constantly in baseball conversations all the way up to his return with Los Angeles. Really, it's like he's never left."

Other Major League Baseball players who tested positive for performance enhancing drugs have since publicly regretted not knowing about the Ramirez Defense sooner.

"It probably would have made a big difference for me," said Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez, who opted to claim ignorance for his steroid use as a Texas Ranger. And instead of adopting Ramirez's brief explanation when the results were released, Rodriguez gave a full interview on 60 Minutes. 

"Looking back, the Ramirez Defense probably would have made a big difference," he said. "Maybe I wouldn't have had a book written about me. But what can I say? I was young, and I was stupid."

Former Chicago Cubs star Sammy Sosa also wished he had been aware of the legal option.

"It would have particularly helped me out during the corked bat incident," Sosa said in fluent English that was seemed absent during his Congressional hearing.

"After all, I didn't kill anyone with the bat. It makes so much sense!"

"I also tried to shrug the positive steroid tests off by simply saying that I'd calmly wait for my Hall induction," he said. "Now that I think about, it probably just got more people mad."

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