A Late Night Phone Call with Danny Ferry and LeBron James (Part I)

LeBron James: “Chosen One speaking.”

Danny Ferry: “LeBron, it’s Danny, how...are you?”

LeBron: “Danny Ferry, as in my soon-to-be former GM Danny Ferry? (evil laugh, very un-LBJ like)  I thought I told you after the Orlando debacle that I didn’t want to speak to you until I saw some results. This better be good Danny, or else...”

Ferry: “I know, I know. Or else you’re going to New York.  Look, this is good. I got you a present tonight. I got you a BIG present tonight. Just to remind you how much we love you. Guess.”

LeBron (unable to contain his eagerness): “You’re going to finally let me coach the team, Danny. I mean, I basically did anyways. Remember in the fourth quarter of Game Five when I told Mike Brown to sit down and be quiet, then went out and did what I did...

Ferry: “I remember, LeBron. And we really considered it, but it just wouldn’t fly. Now guess again.”

LeBron: “OK. OK. You got me Shaq.”

Ferry (astonished): “How did you know?”

LeBron: “The King knows everything. Nah, just playing, Danny. I saw it on Twitter about five minutes ago. Look. I like it, Danny. I really do. I’m already thinking of how ridiculous our pregame routines are going to be next season with the Diesel. I wonder if he’ll be able to get the Jabbawockeez for games at the Q?

Ferry: “We’ll talk about the Jabbawockeez, LeBron. What…”

LeBron (cuts Ferry off): You know what, Danny? I really, really like this move. I’ve decided Shaq has one last championship run in him. I mean, he had a very productive year last season.

I think he averaged 17.8 and 8.4, plus he shot 60.9 percent from the floor. We desperately needed a low post presence, and Shaq provides us with that.  It also will be nice to have a legit superstar that will be able to deflect a little bit of attention away from me for once in my life. Not bad, Danny. Not bad.”

Ferry (unable to contain his giddiness): I know, I know. It’s fantastic, LeBron! Shaq’s going to be extra-motivated, with Dwight going to the Finals and Kobe winning one without him. And it’s the last year of his contract, so we’ll have some money next summer to throw at whoever you want us to throw money at, in addition to yourself, of course. LeBron, this is great. But, you know what would make this night even better?”

LeBron (yawning): What’s that, Danny?”

Ferry: If you’ll just promise me that you’ll stay in Cleveland and never leave. Please, LeBron? I won’t tell anyone, and I’ll sleep so much better tonight. Pretty please?”

LeBron: “I’m sorry, Danny. You know I can’t do that. And besides, your offseason work is far from done. I still need that swingman on the perimeter. Don’t think I forgot about that. In fact, Danny, I don’t want to speak to you again until you get me a tall, versatile weapon on the perimeter...Or else.”

(Click.)

To Be Continued...