Lowell Spinners Give a Crap in the Name of Political Incorrectness

Since beginning my stint as citizen journalist on Bleacher Report, I've tried to write about a wide variety of baseball-related topics. In an effort to break away from stories on steroids, salaries, and overinflated egos, I've written about sausages outside of Fenway Park and the urinals inside.

I've dabbled in feel-good stories about hardball and tried to present the human side of the sport we love.

It's taxing at times trying to create stories about things that not everyone chooses to write about.

Just when I thought I was out of crap to write about, the Lowell Spinners, Class-A Affiliate of the Boston Red Sox, have once again proven that minor league baseball will literally go to the end to put fannies in their seats.

The Lowell Spinners gave away a door prize that even the legendary Mike Veeck wouldn’t attempt, as the team gave away B.O.S., short for a bag of (plastic) poop, to the first 1,000 kids who entered the stadium Tuesday evening when the team took on the Oneonta Tigers at LeLacheur Park.

In what represents the second year of Politically Incorrect Night at LeLacheur Park, the Spinners pushed the limits of what is considered PC and not PC, following a night dedicated to Politically Correct actions the night prior.

The night was in response to a challenge made at the Minor League Baseball Promotional Seminar by Bob Masewicz of Total Sports Entertainment, who offered a flat-screen TV to the team that came up with the best Politically Incorrect Night.

After giving pink potholders to the first 500 women in 2008, the Spinners took the promotion one step further with the unnamed “BOS” giveaway. Fans arriving at the ballpark received an unmarked brown bag with their plastic treasure inside, unbeknownst to them.

Additionally, the Spinners handed out road maps to the first 500 men in attendance, since men are too stubborn to pull over and ask for directions.

“We all know that fans will jump for just about anything free at the ballpark,” said Spinners Vice President and General Manager Tim Bawmann. “This gave us the opportunity to give away a politically incorrect item.”

Additionally, the team refused all Yankee fans entrance through the front gate. In our continued effort to rid Red Sox Nation of Yankees fans, these fans were shown to the back entrance for a special entry.

The Spinners also saluted those gas guzzlers, giving fans that arrive in the biggest gas guzzlers, wasting resources and damaging the environment, complimentary gas cards. 

“Our society had become so overly politically correct that everything and anything is analyzed to make sure no one is offended,” said Bawmann. “This is a night meant to mock that attitude.”

Other Politically Incorrect themes for the night included only women working at the concession stands taking orders, and the fifth inning being designated as time for women to get their husbands or boyfriends an in-game snack or beverage since they have worked hard all day.

Cots were set up for the elderly to nap after 8 p.m., so they didn’t ruin the fun for the rest of their party. Players were also mocked for their miscues.

Lastly, the Spinners honored the University of Illinois Fighting Illini, who have stood fast against pressure to change their team name to not offend anyone, one night after saluting the Natick (Mass.) High School Red and Blue for their willingness to comply with the mandate.

First pitch was scheduled for 7:05, although in accordance with the night’s theme, it started a few minutes late. For those who give a sh*t, the Spinners beat Oneonta 2-1.