Big Papi Needs a Slump Buster

It is not uncommon for sluggers to go through slumps, and while some last longer than others, there are a few who end up having a crappy season altogether.

"Slump" is not the word for what David Ortiz is going through right now. He's just plain awful, and even New York Yankees (Ed. Note—are you nuts, Sooze?) fans are starting to feel a bit bad for the guy. Let's look at his previous numbers, dating back to the last three seasons...

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2006: 54 HR, 137 RBI, .287 AVG, 1.049 OPS
2007: 35 HR, 117 RBI, .332 AVG, 1.066 OPS
2008: 23 HR, 89 RBI, .264 AVG, .877 OPS

...and then we have this:

2009: 2 HR, 22 RBI, .197 AVG, .598 OPS

Ouch.

What the hell?  Over the last two seasons, his numbers have plummeted at an alarming rate. This season is just plain embarrassing. 

There are a few factors that could be having an impact on his performance (or lack thereof), such as the new steroid policy, Manny Ramirez not following him in the batting order, and the fact that he is getting older.

But, really, he's supposedly only 33. Umm, sure. Many players enjoy their prime right around that time in their careers, right?

Whatever the reason, this slump is eating Papi alive. He's even resorted to using "dry eyes" as an excuse.

"People keep writing and saying all this [stuff]," Ortiz told USA Today.  "They say I can't hit no more. That I'm done. What, I have one arm now?  I'm not 45. I never struggled like this, but I'll be back. Then what are they going to say?"

They are going to say it's about damn time you stopped sucking.  

It took the Boston Red Sox designated hitter (his job is to hit home runs) 100 at-bats to hit his first long ball of the season, dating back to last year. The long-time No. 3 hitter was dropped to sixth in the batting order a couple weeks ago, but that hasn't seemed to help at all, either.  

He's had just two multi-hit days over his last 25 games and is being paid $13 million to blow.

However, this doesn't seem to bother the Sox too much. Despite their DH's flailing bat, they're still floating nine games above .500 and sit just a half-game behind their AL East-leading nemesis Yankees through Sunday.  

They could be taking over the world, though, with a little more production from Ortiz.

So I did some research, asking Sox fans what advice they'd give their superstar if they had the opportunity.  The results were ornery at best.

"Get a f***ing job."

"Retire."

"Stop reading Curt Schilling's blog."

"Hit up Joba Chamberlain's ma for a slump buster."

"No, seriously, go back to taking steroids. Please."

"Stop being such a goddamn bum."

"Slam a liter of MadDog 20/20. That should fix your eye problems. Ya bum."

"Quit getting blackout drunk in the clubhouse before the game. That always helps me."

"Rekindle that old-time feeling with your steroids pusher."

" Cannibalise Julio Lugo. Even if you don't get better, there'll be one less life-sucking, black hole in the Red Sox lineup."

"Lay off the Mo Vaughn diet, Tubby."

Let's see if those pieces of wisdom help at all. If not, it's seriously time to find a good slump buster.

Sooze is a Sports Jabber contributor. You can view more of her work at Babes Love Baseball

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