Jason Papelbon and Five Other Players That Make Me Cringe (humor)

If the title above is confusing you, I am listing conclusions about players that are completely personal, totally biased, and utter jealousy in some cases (obviously at least two to three are Boston players). You would guess that no Yankees have ever made this list but, you'd be wrong, a middle reliever who was traded mid-season last year drove me insane (can you guess— went to the Tigers...).

I bet you can guess at least one of these athletes who tops the list???

(And in case you missed the completely irrelevant part of my last post, one player has landed one of the coveted, permanent spots on this list. He has not yet made it out of the top three).

Drum roll please...

No. 1: Jonathan Papelbon (aka. Papelboner, Pap Smear, PapelNutz)

He thinks he is the coolest person since 1918. He is a baby and wants to be the center of it all. He gives us plenty to hate...

A) At the All-Star game last year where each player rode a truck down the streets of Manhattan, he bitched that his wife got harassed by the fans watching this historical parade. Well, you are on Sixth Avenue, not Newbury Street. Maybe you should not have said to the press that you should be closing over Mariano Rivera in Yankee Stadium in its final year. Some nerve!!!

Please read "Driving Mr. Papelbon" an article about his all-star parade behavior, amusing stuff!

B) Here are some other quotes I have taken out of an interview with Pap's about his game personality....

It's Cinco Ocho:

"Jonathan Papelbon: When I'm out there pitching, it's not Jonathan Papelbon pitching, it's Cinco Ocho pitching. I get a little revved up some times, and Cinco Ocho doesn't know how to control himself when he's out there. We've got a good relationship going on right now with Cinco Ocho, so we'll try and keep it that way. He got a little out of control the other night (Editor's note: When he nearly blew a gasket during this 2-1 win), so we'll see how he does with the All-Star game and things like that.

Gary Tanguay: OK, so a split personality. If you ever have to go in front of the commissioner, that's going to be your explanation. You'll say, "Mr Commissioner, it wasn't me, it was Cinco Ocho."

Papelbon:That's right. I've got the courts behind me. I've got a split personality."

First off...could you be less original Pap? Everyone knows about the NFL star Chad Johnson, aka "Ocho Cinco". That is kinda stealing a little bit, unless Pap's is a die hard Bengals fan, which I highly doubt!!

C) This speaks for itself.

Wow, I have so much more on this numskull now. Even though he is a great closer, he is such an idiot that he loses all creditability. I would rather have my mom be the closer for the Yankees then this Pap-hole! It's insulting that he even shares the same job as Mo.

I will get to the next four players over the next two days, as I have to calm myself down from how angry No. 1 makes me.

Actually, maybe Paps-hole covers pretty much the whole top five.

So instead of embarrassing, insulting, and offending any other major league athletes by making them have to share a spot on any list with Pap's I think I'll just spare them.