Stressing Votto's Vertigo

Closed door meetings.

Secrets not to be disclosed to the media or even players' wives.

In fact, word around the campfire says that Jarred Burton casually mentioned it to his pet turtle. He was promptly sent down to Louisville. 

Joey Votto's "stress related issues" have all the mystery and makings of a Watergate burglary, or possibly a Hitchcock flick.

Come on, Dusty, Walt, wives and turtles.   Let's be honest and call it what it is: Vertigo. 

Think about it. First he had what he thought was the flu. Nausea is a symptom of vertigo. 

Now an inner-ear infection that causes dizziness. Hello?

Let's say an average guy is suddenly transformed into one of Major League Baseball's exploding stars. Let's throw a big scoop of vanilla on top and say that this same average fan is also blessed with matinee idol good looks.

Just for kicks, let's say that an entire region of the country absolutely adores him.

Now let's say that same average fan can't bend over to field a slow roller without feeling dizzier than a Southern Baptist minister at a high school dance. 

That's where Joey Votto is right now.

Is a little stress and anxiety in order? Absolutely! It's amazing Votto has any hair left from all the pulling.

So Reds fans, again, please admit to yourselves that Votto's got the vertigos—or vertigo if one prefers to speak like a normal person.

It may take a while for him to get back to 100 percent, and there's a chance he'll never be the same. 

Anti-vertigo medication has come a long way since it ended the career of former Reds first baseman Nick Esasky in the late '80s.

Not to scare you guys, but here's a quote from the good folks at Wikipedia: "(Esasky) was forced to retire after playing just nine games due to developing vertigo stemming from an ear infection."

This was after he had signed as a free agent with the Braves.

"Anxiety"—come on. Stop the secrecy.

Zack Greinke would be rolling in his grave if he weren't currently making American League batters look like little leaguers.