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Mariners: Holy Hindenburg Batman, Where Oh Where Has the Offense Gone?

Jabber HeadSenior Analyst IMay 22, 2009

I have heard it said before, and I do believe it: One of the hardest things to do in any sport is to hit a baseball.

But with 14 guys on the roster, you think that someone could do it. OK, that’s not fair, I hear ya, but last night the Mariners were held scoreless again, thanks to Joe Saunders dazzling the Mariners at the plate with the nine inch in circumference, five ounce object with white with red stitching we call a baseball.

I guess we should be thankful that Beltre decided to take advantage of the tip that if you take that wood off your shoulder and swing it on a horizontal axis, sometimes it makes contact.

With a 2-for-4 night, Beltre raised his staggering offense to a whopping .207 avg. If you didn’t have a glove, the Wisconsin Timberrattlers would be looking to dump you.

I’d like to give the award for hard effort of the night award to, um, judges, please, judges, the verdict—what do you mean there aren’t any candidates?

Come on now, Bedard had a decent night: 5 IP, 2 ER, and his ERA is a respectful 2.64

And Morrow: shoot, he threw two scoreless innings. Denny Stark threw one scoreless inning late in the game also.

But the offense, oh the offense. Ichiro got the hit fest off in the second inning, getting the party off with a single into left field. But somehow, the swiss cheese bats that the Mariners brought with them to the Safe would not be able to connect again until the fifth when Lopez singled to right, to be followed up with Betancourt also singling to right.

Gutierrez powered up with a foul ball to first base; then Ichiro hit into a fielder's choice moving the two already on to third and second respectively. And then...Lopez, in his best Jacob Ellsbury (and this was the new Yankees stadium) stole home. Except for the fact that Lopez forgot to take the Piano, encyclopedia set, and other various items that might slow him down. What in the hell? Anyhow, Lopez attempts a steal, I don’t need to continue.

From the sixth on, three hits. Two were Beltre's. One was Branyan's. That’s disgusting. Actually, when my daughter was young, she couldn’t pronounce disgusting correctly. She would say, that was digusting, and the offense was digusting.

The good news is: The Giants of San Fransisco are coming to town. That’s right boys and girls, the experiment that has run its course and should be put out to pasture is back. Inter-league play. If there is something that is more done than this, please let me know.

The Big Unit, yes, Randy Johnson, is coming to town tonight. Unfortunately, this is not the same Randy that we know, he’s 3-4 with a 6.86 ERA. We counter with Vargas who is 1-0 and a 1.29 ERA.

Shoot, tonight should be Joey Cora “Tears in my eyes” bobble head night.

Come on guys, remember the seven-plus run games when we were hitting games? Remember that? Lets get it started; bring out that can, open it up, and use it this weekend on the Giants.

Shannon Matthews is a Sports Jabber contributor. You can view more of his work at  Talking NW Sports

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