Memo to the Orlando Magic: You Can't Fix Stupid

Jabber HeadSenior Analyst IMay 13, 2009

In sports, there are a number of variables that coaches and players can control and/or adjust. Coaches can implement and control offensive and defensive schemes, matchups, substitution patterns, and overall game strategy and tactics. Players can control or affect their physical condition, skill level, team-play orientation, and execution.

However, no one can control, affect, make adjustments to, or resolve DUMBNESS!

The Orlando Magic are just flat out DUMB! That includes head coach Stan Van Gundy and most of the players. It is not fixable, at least not for this postseason since they can't make trades or viably change coaches right now.

The Magic exhibit their dumbness virtually every game. However, Games 4 and 5 against the Celtics represent the Magic's twin pinnacles of stupidity. In both games, the Magic blew comfortable late-game leads due 100 percent to their being the dumbest team in the NBA.

Game 5 stands out even further as comprising possibly the greatest collection of dumb acts in the history of the NBA playoffs. The Magic led the tired Celtics by 14 points with under eight minutes left in the game. They still even led by 10 with five minutes remaining. The Magic lost the game by four points! Dwight "Superman" Howard touched the ball just THREE times in the fourth quarter...just ten times in the entire game. On several trips, Howard was wide open in the paint...no passes to him.


Meanwhile, dummies Rafer Alston, Rashard Lewis, and Hedo Turkoglu are launching contested treys with 10 to 12 seconds left on the shot clock and apparently auditioning for the Globetrotters. Down by two with just over a minute to play, Alston, while double-teamed, comes up with the "bright" idea to attempt an off-handed, running, no-look, hook trick-shot that missed so badly that I'm sure the Celtics could barely refrain from laughing out loud.


And what was Van Gundy doing during all of this? Calling timeouts to instruct "The Three Stooges" to stop taking dumb shots, run more shot clock, and pass the ball (every once in a while) to their All-NBA First-Team center?


Dumb, fat Stan was doing precisely what Shaq accused him of doing during every Magic playoffs:  PANICKING while doing NOTHING to try and stop his starting cadre of dummies from continuing their path down "Stupid Boulevard".


The Magic may still win this series, but only if dumbness is contagious and the Celtics get infected with it just by being on the court with the Magic.

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