Love and the Birds of Baseball

The Cardinals, Blue Jays and Orioles can teach us a whole lot about lovin’.  This article of mine first ran in 2 Magazine

Cardinal

Characteristics: Many amorous cardinal couples enjoy singing duets before renewing their quarter-mile-high-club memberships. It has been hypothesized that their singing helps to synchronize reproduction.

Collecting frequent flyer points is also not that unusual—according to one study, 9 to 35 percent of cardinal nestlings were born as the result of freelance copulations.

Lesson: Some love songs start happy and then end really crappy.

Blue Jay

Characteristics: Blue jays are monogamous birdies—once a couple decides to nest together, they tend to stay together.

A blue jay birdie guy knows that the way to a blue jay birdie gal’s heart is through her stomach. In order to attract a lady jay’s attention, he stuffs her gullet with seeds, nuts, frogs and other tasty treats.

Lesson: Keep your kitchen well stocked so your partner doesn’t go looking elsewhere when they crave a piece of cherry pie.

Oriole

Characteristics: When the male oriole feels frisky, he flies to a prospective mate and flaunts his brightly coloured body in a “do you think I’m sexy” rump-shaking fashion.

He then bends over, letting his soon-to-be lover stare at his sexy backside, all the while singing a seductive song, which ornithological types have described as sounding something like: “pidoo tewdi tewdi yewdi tew tidew.”

Lesson: A striptease is all the more arousing with a porno soundtrack to back it up.