5 Things That Will Ruin Your MLB Season In 2009

Note that those who will committ these should-be crimes (in the eyes of baseball fans, at least) will be mentioned in each section.

This piece now with subtitles!

1. Players Not Earning Their Pay

See also "Cashman Syndrome."

Year after year, teams end up dishing out some serious coinage to players who some pundit is claiming deserves nine figures on his paycheck. The thing is, some of these guys who get big deals have managed only one good season in a career of mediocrity.

All monetary factors and lifetime achievements combined, here are four people who might ruin your season by not living up to their big deals:

• Kyle Farnsworth, Royals: Who in their right mind gives him $9.5 million?

• Bobby Abreu, Angels: He benefited from Yankee Stadium, now he goes to the Angels and oh what a difference a year makes.)

• Milton Bradley, Cubs: Yeah I'm Cubs fan, but we gave him $10 million a year when we could've had Adam Dunn for the same price. Bradley is Hendry's blunder and Piniella's problem, and he might be our new goat.

• Francisco "K-Rod" Rodriguez, Mets: He's not going save that many games in a season again. He might not even make it a full season as closer with J.J. Putz behind him, and he probably lacks what it takes to play in a high-pressure city like New York.

2. Players Billed as Saviors Way Too Soon

I've heard 'em all:

"Oh, he's going to revitalize our pitching staff!"

or

"He's the guy who will make all of our other hitters better!"

or (and this is the funniest)

"This guy is going to get us to the World Series!"

The bottom line is that one, or two, or even three guys aren't enough to get the rings you want on your fingers. Not in this day and age.

Sound like the following three scenarios?

• The Yankees with CC Sabathia, Mark Teixeira, Damaso Marte: I just can't see them living up to the amount of money that was thrown their way, they might not "ruin your season" per se, but placing your expectations on these three will leave you tragically disappointed if you expect them to save your beloved Bronx Bombers.

That being said, I honestly think A.J. Burnett will live up to his deal. I see him providing 225 K and 14 to 18 wins as a solid No. 2 starter. And Sabathia will probably get a Cy Young in New York, but they won't win the World Series, and that's why they brought him in.

• The Braves with Derek Lowe and the "Asian Greg Maddux," Kenshin Kawakami: These two are excellent pick-ups to revitalize a staff, but they won't get you into the Playoffs by themselves. Tim Hudson continues to age, Tom Glavine is a shell of his former self (if that).

• The Giants with Edgar renteria, Rich Aurilia, Bobby howry, and Jeremy Affeldt: Renteria is old and his story is played out; let's let Emmanuel Burriss play. Rich Aurila,\ and Bobby Howry are both in their mid-to-late 30's, and Jeremy Affeldt has done nothing to warrant $4 million per, even if it's for only two seasons.

At 45 years old, I expect Randy Johnson to earn his $8 million with 13 to 16 wins, 170-200 K, and all sorts of leadership for Tim Lincecum and his pitching staff (which looks more "Timmy and Lords of the Underworld" than a legitimate). To boot, he buys the youngest guys on the roster some more time to develop.

If Randy Johnson's "swan song" is a good one, as his deal could be the steal of the year. Howry adds something and so does Affeldt, but that just shows how much help the rotation really needs.

3. Having a Monster in Your Division

OMG: If I was Baltimore or Toronto, I'd be miserable. The Blue Jays may have competed last year, but that was last year. With Boston, New York, and the emergence of the Rays as legitimate competitors, the bottom half of the fish tank appears to be settled by the end of the first week.

Numerous teams often have their fates decided by going head-to-head all too often with some of the best teams, and it's all due to the way the divisions are set up. Here are the teams that fall into this category:

• Astros, Reds, Pirates, and (potentially) Brewers: Victims of the Chicago Cubs and potentially the resurgent Cardinals.
• Orioles and Blue Jays: Beat up by the Red Sox, Rays and Yankees. Perhaps dropping the "Blue" and just being called the "Jays" would have an effect similar to the one the Rays got when they exocised the "Devil" and then made the World Series.
• Nationals and Braves: Can't get past the Phillies' three-headed monster of Utley, Rollins, and Howard; the Mets; or the Marlins now.
• Mariners and Rangers: In the shadow of the of the Angels.

4. Injuries

I'm not going to say much on this, as it's obvious. One injury can kill your season, and multiple can have you hoping they put you out of your misery and forfeit the remainder.

All 30 teams can become victims of this, though some seem more prone. Thanks a bunch, Alfonso Soriano and Pedro Martinez.

5. Sticking With a Manager who Needs to Be Fired

Sometimes a change of pace is exactly what a team needs; other times it's the worst thing in the world. Here are three coaches I think do need to get fired in order for their teams to get on the right track.

• Jim Leyland, Tigers: I have uber-respect for him, but he's no longer the man for the job in Detroit.
• Dusty Baker, Reds: Sorry, this guy I have no respect for.
  
• Cecil Cooper, Astros: Wrong situation. He needs to be working with young guys, not the league's oldest team.

So, there's my list of the worst things. Keep an eye out for my list of things that will make your season seem like you're riding "Cloud Nine."