The NFL Mascot Battle For Supremecy: The Sweet 16

Ah... the Sweet 16. 

The best 16 mascots in the NFL battling for the Big Dawg Award. 

Without a doubt, round one was an easy one to pick.

There are alot of terrible mascots in the NFL that would not strike fear in the hearts of a newborn child, let alone the opposition (See Browns, Colts, and Texans).

Now we are down to 16 decent mascots. 

The jokes are done.  We are getting ever closer to the big dance. 

After this, only eight will remain. 

Check out the bracket to see where your favorite team stands.

Fight 1: Lions vs. Rams

The two worst teams in the NFL do battle...with their mascots! 

Unlike a real game between these two teams, expect to see a great amount of action. 

However, lions are kings, man.

Rams are sort of like really aggressive special children with hard-hats (GASP).  I think the head butts will only go so far, and the Lions will munch a bunch of Crunch n' Munch.

Fight 2: Ravens vs. Eagles

A bird-on-bird match up. America vs. Pure EVIL. 

In terms of raw power, the Eagle is the stronger of the two birds. 

That is until you consider the ravens magical abilities.

That's right, you have seen the movies—"Lord of the Rings", "The Birds", "The Core"... Whenever a bird comes to mess someone up, it is always a raven.

There is something about ravens that allows them to fly head-first and screeching into any living or non-living thing.  

The Eagles get pummeled in an unexpectedly one-sided matchup. 

Quote the Raven.

Fight 3:  Chiefs vs. Titans 

Chiefs are LEADERS of the Native American realm.  They are highly respected, traditional warriors, and spiritual.  Titans (as I am interpreting the name) are skilled warriors.  Men who have led their empires to many victorious battles.  Titans are bred through the fires of battle. 

I see the Chiefs putting up a valiant fight, but it just won't be enough to dethrone this favorite of the competition.

Fight 4: Jaguars vs. Panthers

Now we are on to Cat-on-Cat action.  

In actuality, a panther is a member of the jaguar family, and the black panther is one of the most aggressive of the cats. 

However, a jaguar is sleek and quick, and can weigh up to 350 pounds.

To me, this is the toughest fight to call.  However, I cannot, in good conscious, knock out the only black fighter in the competition. 

That would be racist.

Panthers move on.

Fight 5: Bengals vs. Chargers

The mighty Bengal tiger—Quick... powerful... and just slipped by the insane falcons in the first round. These warriors will be facing the charger horses, who came out of the first round unscathed, due to the fact that they were fighting the UPS men of Green Bay. 

However, the chargers will find a much tougher battle this time. 

The tattered tigers make a meal out of the feisty horses, and the horses gallop off into the sunset to join their horsey brethren—the colts and the broncos. 

Lots of horses in the NFL.

Fight 6:  Patriots vs. Dolphins

A great AFC East showdown between the good old American patriot and the most unique mascot in the NFL—the dolphin. 

As Mel Gibson lines up to shoot Flipper, I can't help but think how unfair it is. 

No guns for the fish, and they cannot really hurt the gigantic Santa Maria boat the patriots are fighting them from.  All the dolphins can do is slam their heads against the side of the boat, which incidentally kills more of them then the musket shots from Mel's rifle. 

Tonight, the dolphins sleep with the fishes...Wait... the dolphins sleep like fishes... Umm... the dolphins die. 

Pats move on, as much as I hate the team. 

Sorry.

Fight 7: Vikings vs. Cowboys

They should make a movie out of this fight.  You know you would watch it. 

It has the appeal of ninjas vs. pirates. 

The vikings wait until nightfall when the cowboys are sitting around their cliche cowboy fire, drinking whiskey and talking about women. 

Great strategy from the vikings.

However, they forgot not to drink ale themselves during the day, so this ends up in a drunken brawl. The fighters are too drunk to use their projectile weapons, so the guns and crossbows negate themselves. 

The cowboys start fighting everyone, including themselves... One even starts crying and decides to move to Buffalo.

The vikings take it to the cowboys to move on. 

Fight 8: Buccaneers vs. Jets

Come on.  I really hate the Jet as a mascot.  Sure, I understand that jets are fast.  So are humming birds and deer. 

I guess you could say that the jets are also heavily armed, depending on what type of jet you are talking about. 

In an air vs. sea battle, I still have to go with the Bucs and their balls.  Cannonballs that is.

And also because the Buccaneer is just a much cooler mascot then a jet. 

There you go, my sweet 16. 

It is really tough to joke about quality mascots, and the only ones left are pretty sweet.  (Except for Pat the patriot. He is pretty lame). 

We have the Lions, Ravens, Titans, Panthers, Bengals, Patriots, Vikings, and Buccaneers left. 

All respectable mascots, and all with something to prove.