The Bronx Will Be a Better Neighborhood without A-Roid*

New York Yankees parasite Alex Rodriguez had arthroscopic surgery Monday to repair torn cartilage in his right hip, and doctors said they found nothing during the procedure that would keep the overrated ballplayer from returning to the Bombers lineup in May.

A-Fraud, 33, who signed a 10-year contract worth $275 million with the Yankees in November 2007, will need a more extensive surgery after the season. But, much to the chagrin of genuine Yankees fans everywhere, the purple-lipped pariah should be ready for the start of spring training in 2010.

Many pundits have predicted that Rodriguez’s injury will be a fatal blow to the Yankees' 2009 season. These same analysts curiously forget that A-Roid*, a three-time American League MVP who admitted he used steroids from 2001-2003, has never played on a team that has been ultimately successful.

In reality, it is very feasible that the Yankees will prove to be a more rounded and cohesive squad with A-Hole on the shelf and away from the Bronx.

“As hard as this may sound, it could be a blessing in disguise for him,” said former Bombers centerfielder Bernie Williams regarding Rodriguez’s injury. “I think it might be good for the Yankees, too.”

Williams, 40, a five-time All-Star selection who helped lead New York to four championships in five years, also noted that the Yankees have plenty of talent beyond the player who wasn’t “taking Tic Tacs.”

“The Yankees have a lot of firepower to compensate for his loss.”

Despite the fact that New York posted a feeble mark of 9-15 last year without Rodriguez in their lineup, Yankees' team captain Derek Jeter echoed his former teammate’s sentiments.

“There’s more than just one person on a team,” said Jeter, the anti-Rod.

A-Rod, a parody of a player and a father who called missing his daughter Ella Alexander’s birth by 10 minutes “perfect timing,” had the audacity to question Jeter’s leadership in an interview with Esquire in April 2001.

“Jeter’s been blessed with great talent around him. He’s never had to lead. He can just go on and play and have fun,” Rodriguez claimed of Jeter, a nine-time All-Star who has a lifetime .316 batting average.

“And he hits second-that’s totally different than third and fourth in a lineup.  You go into New York, you want to stop Bernie and O’Neill. You never say, ‘Don’t let Derek beat you. He’s never your concern.’”

Jeter, AKA “Mr. November,” is a four-time champion who was deservedly awarded the 2000 World Series MVP.

A-Fraud is a clown pocket who has recorded less RBI in the playoffs (one) since game four of the 2004 ALCS than Boston Red Sox pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka has (two).

“When people write bad things about me,” Rodriguez theorized in a September 2006 issue of Sports Illustrated.  “I don’t know if it’s because I’m good looking, I’m biracial, I make the most money or I play on the most popular team…”

In reality, Madonna’s bitch has purple lips and frosted hair, and nobody is ever going to confuse the Miami native with Bob Redford.

Furthermore, A-Rod is not “biracial” because both of his parents are of Dominican descent.

The reason “people write bad things about” Rodriguez is due to the fact that he is an unlikable loser who has cheated on both his wife and the game of baseball.

The Bronx will be a more enjoyable and higher-quality neighborhood to visit sans A-Roid*.

Savor this nostalgic time, Yankees supporters. Without Rodriguez, it will be like the “good old days” until mid-May on 161^st Street and River Avenue.

http://www.newyorkyankeesnews.com/colin815/weblog/6725/the-bronx-is-nicer-without-a-roid.html