MMA Fantasy Idea: UFC All-Star Game

Hunter Homistek@HunterAHomistekCorrespondent IOctober 3, 2012

MMA Fantasy Idea: UFC All-Star Game

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    My dearest readers, I am quite tired of reading about people not taking short-notice fights, Dana White ruining the UFC and whether or not Stephan Bonnar will name his son "Griffin." 

    Quite frankly, MMA is in a rut, and I have just the solution to bring back the pizazz that once won over millions of fans worldwide. 

    We need a UFC All-Star game.  

    Could you imagine how awesome this would be? Obviously, the timing would have to be perfect, and not everybody could compete a given year. If the event is held in February and Jon Jones has to fight in February, he cannot partake.  

    That said, it would become an annual event, and "Bones" could take his fight and the All-Star game the following year—a win-win for the fans and for Jones.  

    Still not sold (and why would you be; I haven't even told you what it is yet)? 

    Start the slideshow to see what exactly would go down at this glorious spectacle.   

Event 1: Ultimate Punch

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    Thank you for the idea, Mr. Barry. 

    To kick off our All-Star festivities, let us see the MMA equivalent of "dude, how much can you bench?"

    We all want to know who punches the hardest, who kicks the hardest, who elbows the hardest, etc., so let's find out!  

    Does Anderson Silva actually punch that hard, or is his timing and shot placement the key? Is Jake Ellenberger the hardest-hitting welterweight, or does Johny Hendricks' left hook have it beat?  

    This would tell all, and we would know once and for all who hits the hardest, at least by the numbers.  

    For this event, I think breaking it into weight divisions and then ending in an "absolute" division would be the best course of action.  

    Records would be established in the first year, and each following year new competitors would have a chance to break the record holders' marks and establish themselves as the hardest-hitting fighter in the UFC. 

    Sideshow idea: Invite celebrities to take part in a special round of this contest. Segal, Norris, etc. squaring off against one another on the One Punch machine? Yes, please. 

    Now, to our next event!  

Event 2: NFL Combine-Style Marks of Athleticism

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    I have always been obsessed with stats, rankings and the like, so this event really appeals to me.  

    We always hear what phenomenal athletes MMA fighters are (and they certainly are), but how does the finest crop of UFC athletes stack up to professionals in other sports?  

    Can GSP run a 4.4-second 40? How many times can Shawn Jordan bench-press 225 pounds? What is Jon Jones' vertical? 

    These competitions would not need to be broken down into weight divisions; instead it would be formatting as each station being a round with a particular point value, like the World's Strongest Man competition. If somebody is weak in one area (like Jon Jones benching 225 pounds), he can make up for it in the other events.  

    This would be an awesome way to see just how athletic UFC superstars really are, and I for one would really look forward to seeing this pan out.  

Event 3: Punching Speed

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    Demetrious Johnson is obviously quicker than Rex Ryan at a shoe store, but are his hands as fast as his speedy little legs? 

    This event would tell us, and it would show who has the fastest hands in the UFC.  

    Roy Nelson tweeted this picture in May, and it made me wonder how other guys would stack up to his impressive punch count. Nelson does not strike me as the fastest guy in the world, so I would love to see how some speedy smaller fights would do with a round on the heavy bag. 

    This event is not quite as breathtaking as the others, but Rogan and Goldie could definitely have some solid facts to reference the next time they call somebody the "fastest in the UFC."  

Event 4: Punch and React

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    This event would almost certainly come down to Anderson Silva and Lyoto Machida, no? 

    For those not sure what I mean, check out this video.  

    Now, imagine a version of that modified with pads that contestants can kick, elbow, punch and knee? Awesome right? 

    It would be amazing to see which fighters see the "punch" coming and can react to it the fastest.  From what we've seen in the Octagon, Silva would be hard to beat, but you never know. That is why this needs to happen.  

Event 5: No-Gi Grappling Tournament

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    Remember when Nate Marquardt obliterated Demian Maia in about .3 seconds at UFC 102? 

    That was brutal. 

    As a Brazilian jiu-jitsu expert, Maia does not possess the best standup in the world, and he is often at a disadvantage standing in his fights.  

    Such is the case for many fighters today, and this event would give the UFC's best grapplers a chance to really shine in their element.  

    Maia, Magalhaes, Bocek, etc. all grappling to determine who has the best BJJ in the UFC? 

    Yes please.  

    Oh, and you always wanted to know how Ronda Rousey's Judo would stack up against a male fighter's, right? There ya go. 

    Alright, we have some awesome events in the bag, but my personal favorite is up last.  

    The final event, ladies and gentlemen. 

    Click on to the next slide after you feel the drumroll in your head has persisted long enough.  

Final Event: Obstacle Course

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    To end the night, you just gotta have an obstacle course.  

    Strength, agility, speed, smarts—the entire package of athleticism can be demonstrated through such a task, and there is no better way to sum up the evening than with this event.  

    I have two ideas here:

    First, we could take the winner from each of the previous events, for a total of four competitors, and have them battle each other in the obstacle course, winner takes all.  

    Or, we can simply assemble a crew of fighters who have not yet competed and have them go at it, effectively crowning five different winners throughout the night.  

    Either way is fine with me, and either way the fans are winning big time.  

    Just think about how fun the trash talking and laid-back personas would be here. For men that we are accustomed to seeing so high-strung and intense, this would give us a chance to see the real people behind that ferocious exterior.  

    The UFC needs an All-Star game; it is just too damn fun to pass up.