The Chicago Cubs Will Win the World Series in 2009

AMERICAN LEAGUE EAST

1) NEW YORK YANKEES- The Yankees' hierarchy spent like Hank Steinbrenner in an Indian smoke shop this offseason and still shrewdly managed to reduce their payroll from 2008. The Bomber's exponentially improved their starting rotation with the key free-agent acquisitions of left-handed ace CC Sabathia, 28, and right-handed flamethrower A.J. Burnett, 32.

New York finalized their spending spree by thieving two-time Silver Slugger Award winning first baseman Mark Teixeira, 28, from the Boston Red Sox. Anticipate second baseman Robinson Cano, 26, to rebound from his subpar 2008 campaign and register batting title-worthy numbers in the New Yankee Stadium.

Third baseman Alex Rodriguez, 33, will be out until May due to a cyst on his hip and the loss of his offensive production will be felt in the regular season in the Bronx.

Nevertheless, the Yankees litany of pitching should compensate for their potential lack of offense in the spring. Of course, come October, the curse of A-Roid* will continue and the Yankees will again fail to capture their 27th championship.

2) TAMPA BAY RAYS-The Rays will field a virtual replica of the squad that led them to their first postseason and World Series appearances in team annals. The Rays didn't rest on their successes in 2008 and they added a number of solid veteran players, including former Philadelphia Phillies left fielder Pat Burrell, 32.

The Rays' pitching staff will be even more dominant this season with the full-time presence of left-hander David Price, 23, the first overall pick in the 2007 Major League Baseball Draft. When the autumn approaches, the Rays will be the team to defeat in the American League playoffs.

3) BOSTON RED SOX- "Theo and the Trio" have established the Red Sox as the preeminent franchise in baseball this decade and they will be a powerhouse again this coming season.

However, despite the adequate bat of outfielder Jason Bay, it will be difficult for the Sox to offset the loss of Manny Ramirez for an entire year. DH  David Ortiz, 33, will greatly miss Ramirez's protection at the plate and his statistics will continue to descend sans Mannyt.

Future Hall of Famer John Smoltz, 41, was a prudent signing by Boston management and one can expect him to create a jolt in the Sawx rotation when he debuts for them around the All-Star break.

Despite their third-place ranking, Boston could certainly play deep into October if things align correctly on Yawkey Way this summer.

4) BALTIMORE ORIOLES- Unfortunately for residents of "Charm City," the quality of baseball will still suck in Bodymore, Murdland. Owner Peter Angelos has continually banged the pooch with his personnel moves since his franchise made their last appearance in the playoffs in 1997.

Hey, at least fans of the Orioles will always have crab cakes to eat and reruns of The Wire to watch.

5) TORONTO BLUE JAYS- The Blue Jays have become a dismal organization and they will again fail to qualify for the playoffs for the first time since 1993. Staff ace Roy Halladay, 31, will be dealt by the trading deadline and crickets will be the loudest sound emerging from the SkyDome.

Unless, of course, frisky fans of the Jays again fornicate in a stadium skybox for all Canucks to watch. Toronto's ownership would be wise to sell the franchise for a moose and a bottle of Labatt's.

AMERICAN LEAGUE CENTRAL

1) DETROIT TIGERS- The Tigers were a major disappointment in 2008 and it is hard to fathom that a team so laden with talent will again struggle.

Right-hander Justin Verlander, 26, will regain the form that made him one of the most intimidating young arms in the sport and Miguel Cabrera, 25, will continue to produce offensively despite being built like Roseanne Barr.

Tigers Manager Jimmy Leyland should be able to reduce his nicotine intake a tad this season and he should live to see October baseball played again in Motown despite puffing away on cancer sticks like Morten Downey Jr.

2) CHICAGO WHITE SOX- Right-handers Jose Contreras, 37, and Bartolo Colon, 35, could rebound from serious injuries to help fortify a decent starting rotation for the Sox. Chicago should be quite competitiveve and make a run for the division title.

But Manager Ozzie Guillen's notorious Venezuelan temper will again be on display in Chi-Town and ultimately the White Sox won't qualify for October play. The Sox 2005 championship campaign must feel like it transpired in 1919 for fans of the "South Siders."

3) MINNESOTA TWINS- The Twinkies will greatly benefit from the full-time return of lefty ace Francisco Liriano, 24. Slugging catcher Joe Mauer, 25, and skilled first baseman Justin Morneau, 27, will again provide the offense for the Twins in 2009. If everything materializes ideally, the Twins could compete for a place in October.

4) KANSAS CITY ROYALS- The Royals have shown residents of the "Show Me State" zilch since 1985 and they will depress their fan base yet again this summer. Jettisoned Red Sox center-fielder Coco Crisp, 29, isn't exactly Willie Mays and this squad will at best push for a .500 record.

5) CLEVELAND INDIANS- The loss of CC Sabathia for an entire season will be crippling for the Tribe. Center Fielder Grady Sizemore, 26, is a phenomenal talent who will again provide a solid bat and glove for the Indians.

Still, until Cleveland acquires Vaughn, Cerano, Hayes and Taylor  off waivers, their championship drought dating back to 1948 won't be quenched. The advice for the Indians here, start sending more scouts to California Penal League action.

AMERICAN LEAGUE WEST

1) LOS ANGELES ANGELS OF ANAHEIM- The loss of Mark Teixeira and his offensive production will be virtually compensated for by the addition of right fielder Bobby Abreu, 34.

However, the defection of Francisco Rodriguez to Gotham will be an enormous blow that will be felt all summer in Anaheim. The Angels will be very good in 2009. But, they won't reach the level of dominance that they did last year and their campaign will end ultimately unfulfilled.

2) SEATTLE MARINERS- The reacquisition of Mariners legend Ken Griffey Jr., 39, will help solidify the offense in Seattle. Eight-time All-Star selection Ichiro Suzuki, 35, has shown nary a sign of slowing down at the plate and his defense is still among the elite in the outfield.

Lefty pitcher Erik Bedard, 30, will rebound from a futile 2008 campaign and he will prove to be a tremendous compliment to the electric ace of the M's, Felix Hernandez, 22. Nevertheless, October will once more be Sleepless in Seattle.

3) OAKLAND A’S- The trade for three-time All-Star selection Matt Holiday, 29, will quickly provide the A's with a hefty bat in their lineup. One can never dismiss Oakland because General Manager Billy Beane is still running the show in the Town.

However, the signing of homoerotic, leopard-thong-wearing Jason Giambi is a curious move by Beane that will eventually backfire. The A's are not going anywhere soon. Well, then again, they are moving to Fremont.

4) TEXAS RANGERS- Hank Blalock, 28, Ian Kinsler, 26 and Josh Hamilton, 27, will provide the Rangers with ample offensive production in 2009. But, this team is managed with such steely incompetence that one could presume George "Dubya" Bush was still running the show in Arlington.

The Rangers will not be anemic enough for Hamilton to return to smack. But, the the stars will be dim in Arlington this summer.

NATIONAL LEAGUE EAST

1) NEW YORK METS- The Latin American movement to Flushing continued this winter when the Metropolitans landed prized free-agent reliever Francisco Rodriguez. K-Rod will solidify the Mets bullpen and ensure that New York's relief will no longer cause heartburn to their fans this summer.

Expect lefty ace Johan Santana, 30, to win his third Cy Young Award and anchor a starting rotation from Queens that will bully the competition in the National League.

2) PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES- The Phillies won their first World Series since 1980 last year and they return that championship-winning squad virtually intact. Ryan Howard, 29, is a surreal talent who will again be an intimidating presence at the plate.

Expect the Phillies to play baseball in October once more this fall. However, karma alone will prevent a repeat for Filth-adelphia. Seriously, if there is a higher power, how could Philly's degenerate, brawling, projectile-vomiting fan base have another happy ending?

3) FLORIDA MARLINS- Superstar shortstop Hanley Ramirez, 25, will lead another cast of exciting youngsters in South Beach this summer. Still, in the end, the Marlins youth and inexperience will prove to be their demise. Marlins fans need to simply await the construction of their new waterfront stadium.

4) ATLANTA BRAVES- This years edition of the Braves will be Owner Ted Turner's worst embarrassment since he lost the wrasslin' war with Vince McMahon and WWE in 2002.

Coveted free-agent acquisition Derek Lowe, 35, is an alcoholic, man-slut who is vastly overrated for his prowess on the hill. This squad will struggle mightily to finish with a .500 record.

5) WASHINGTON NATIONALS- David Duke will be running mates with Al Sharpton before this inept franchise competes for a title. Perhaps President Obama should formulate a stimulus plan for the disgraces that play on the diamond in our nation's capital.

NATIONAL LEAGUE CENTRAL

1) CHICAGO CUBS- Rich Harden, 27, Carlos Zambrano, 27, and Ted Lilly, 33, will help comprise one of the best starting rotations in the Senior Circuit this season. Despite the agonizing conclusion to the Cubbies 2008 campaign, expect Chicago to capture their first crown since 1908 when this year is in the books.

Can't one envision Steve Bartman resurfacing from the witness protection program and singing to North Siders at a championship parade ala Ferris Bueller come November? It just may happen.

2) CINCINNATI REDS- The Reds are a legitimate dark-horse to flourish this year. Cincinnati flaunts a superb blend of quality veteran leadership and energetic youth and don't be surprised if this team qualifies for the post-season. If only "Big" Marge Schott was still alive with her canine Schotzie to enjoy it all!

3) ST. LOUIS CARDINALS- The Cardinals will not be poor enough this year to get Manager Tony La Russa liquored-up and behind the wheel of a car. But Mark McGwire will gladly chat about the past before the Cards contend in 2009.

4) MILWAUKEE BREWERS- The key losses of CC Sabathia and Ben Sheets, 30, will be too much for the Beermakers to overcome this year. It is feasible that the Brewers angry vegetarian, Prince Fielder, 24, will be dealt by the July trading deadline.

Don't expect much celebrating for Laverne, Shirley or any other members of The Brew Crew's nation come October.

5) HOUSTON ASTROS- Besides right-handed ace Roy Oswalt, 31, the Astros are a joke in dire need of something, anything, to keep their supporters entertained during the dog days of August.

Houston's  management could consider re-obtaining Roger Clemens, a 46-year old steroid abuser nearing indictment. Watching that bearded-woman pitch would create quite a stir.

The only other potential point of intrigue is wondering if this will finally be the year that some poor center-fielder breaks his kneecap fielding a ball in Minute Maid Park.

6) PITTSBURGH PIRATES- Like George Costanza, why do Pirates players even get out of bed in the morning? Pittsburgh is essentially a farm team for all of Major League Baseball and it is an utter disgrace that their owner, Robert Nutting (no joke needed), consistently fields pathetic products for loyal fans of the Bucs.

Nutting and his flunkies should genuinely contemplate offing the Bucs traditional black and gold uniforms for velvet sweatsuits a la "Cant-Stand-Ya." After nearly 20-years of futility, it may be worth a shot.

NATIONAL LEAGUE WEST

1) LOS ANGELES DODGERS- When the Dodgers agreed to terms Wednesday with dynamic slugger Manny Ramirez, 36, they instantly became the favorites in the west.

Manager Joe Torre's steely resolve and leadership will again be positively felt throughout the summer at Dodger Stadium. Chavez  Ravine could be the hottest nightspot in L.A. come the autumn months.

2) ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS- Brandon Webb, 29, and Dan Haren, 28, form one of the best 1-2 pitching duos in the entire sport. The Snakes staff will always afford Arizona with a chance to compete and win.

Unfortunately, that won't be enough for the Diamondbacks to have a great summer. Snakes loyalists can only hope some University of Arizona co-eds get drunk and decide to doff their clothes and skinny dip in the pool located in Chase Field's stands. 

3) SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS- Even with the addition of five-time All-Star shortstop Edgar Renteria, 33, the Giants still can't get a hit from a bong in the Haight-Ashbury neighborhood of San Francisco.

However, the Giants do flaunt one of the fiercest starting rotations in MLB.  2008 Cy Young Award winner Tim Lincecum, 24, 2002 Cy Young Award winner Barry Zito, 30, 5-time Cy Young Award winner Randy Johnson, 45, and live arm Matt Cain, 24, can lead the Giants to victory over any squad on any given day this season.

Still, San Francisco's powerful arms may not be enough for Giants fans to spark victory joints in the "City by the Bay" this autumn

4) COLORADO ROCKIES- The Rockies played in the Fall Classic two years ago in 2007. Still, for whatever reason, the Rockies seem like they've been run by Coor's Original beer testers since their inception into MLB in 1992.

Rockies fan would be wise to get a "Mile High" before every home game in Denver this season.

5) SAN DIEGO PADRES- San Diego's gorgeous weather and the Padres cool camouflage uniforms won't be enough to pack people into Qualcomm Stadium this year. Padres fans should avoid the diamond altogether in 2009 and plan more voyages to Tijuana until the Chargers return to the gridiron in September.

AMERICAN LEAGUE WILD CARD WINNER

Tampa Bay Rays

NATIONAL LEAGUE WILD CARD WINNER

Philadelphia Phillies

WORLD SERIES

The Chicago Cubs defeat the Tampa Bay Rays in six games.

Now, I am not Nostradamus and I’ve never claimed to be. The above are my picks and I am sticking with them. As I told an old friend once, “talk to me about my selections over brews and pool in November.”

Until then, my predictions are as good as anyone's. During the months of March and April, everyone has a chance.