HBO's "Eastbound and Down" Rules

Eastbound & Down is a new comedy show on HBO that follows the struggles of a North Carolina redneck who was once a star relief pitcher “with an arm like a f*cking cannon” in the Major Leagues. The hook is that he's since plummeted from grace and become a lowly gym teacher in his hometown elementary school.

Kenny Powers, a drug-addict and alcoholic who is an odious mixture of John Rocker and Bad Santa, was a 19-year-old prodigy when he made his debut for the Atlanta Braves in Game Seven of the 2001 World Series.

With the bases loaded and two outs in the ninth inning, Powers, who claims to have never once drunk a glass of water in his lifetime, blazed a 101-MPH fastball past an overmatched hitter and Atlanta dramatically won the championship.

The following season, Powers hysteria swept the nation and fans became smitten with the mullet-donning renegade with the golden wing.

"Everyone wanted a piece of my (stuff)," said the white-trash endorsement machine.

One of the first products the reliever advocated was Powers Chew, with the appropriate slogan, "I spit it. You suck it."

Unfortunately for the Shelby County native, fame and fortune did not do good for his career as a professional baseball player.

As the hick's waistband expanded, his ERA inflated too, and he began blaming his failures on his team.

After becoming a free agent and leaving Atlanta, Powers started a rudderless journey that saw him play in New York ("You mean Jew York?"), Baltimore and the Bay Area ("I gotta tell ya, I thought the blacks in Baltimore were bad. But, it turns out they're nothing compared to these fags they got in San Francisco").

Powers' obnoxious attitude and eroded skills inevitably and justifiably ushered him to the unemployment line. The flash-in-the-pan superstar currently mooches off of his brother, Dustin, and resides at his sibling's address.

Unlike the Dude of The Big Lebowski, Kenny Powers is not "a hero."

However, in this rogue day and age, how many heroes can actually be found in the world of sports?

Eastbound and Down is certainly politically incorrect and will never be mistaken for Field of Dreams.

Still, it's an entertaining way to spend 30 minutes on a boring Sunday night in February and if you don't like it, "then maybe you just suck."