The All-Charmin Team: Ranking the Softest Athletes in Sports

When you think of Ironmen, you think of Michael Jordan, Brett Favre and Ray Lewis. Players who were always there, every time, giving whatever they had to win the game.  

When you think of the softest players in sports, you think of constant injuries, poor work ethic, bad gym habits and a lack of desire to go the extra mile to win. Who fits that description?

Presenting the All-Charmin Team: the 20 softest athletes in sports.  

No. 20: Pablo Sandoval

Isn't being nicknamed for a cuddly, lovable creature like the Panda bear enough to land you on the softee list? Well, if it isn't, Sandoval's soft, round physique and routine trips to the disabled list earns him this spot.  

No. 19: Rich Harden

Harden was once called the next great pitcher in Major League Baseball and the savior of the Chicago Cubs. But after a career with more time spent either on the disabled list or under-performing while in injury recovery, all anyone calls him now is "soft."  

No. 18: Prince Fielder

Fielder is a big-time slugger but you won't find him training for the Navy Seals! He has always cut a rather large figure, and now that he will be paid big money for the next decade by the Detroit Tigers, the always pudgy Fielder could blow up like a balloon.  

No. 17: Jonathan Broxton

Once upon a time, Broxton was baseball's next elite closer, a two-time All-Star with the talent to become the next Trevor Hoffman. But Broxton demonstrated little interest in taking care of himself, got out of shape and "soft" around the edges, then suffered serious arm injuries.  

Combined with his poor mental approach, which has kept him from performing up to the level of his stuff, these issues have kept Broxton from living up to his potential, and now, he isn't even a true closer. 

No. 16: Danilo Gallinari

A Mike D'Antoni special, Gallinari is a tall European forward who is skilled at cutting to the basket and is one of the best long-range shooters in the NBA.  

But the baby-faced, skinny Gallinari shies away from contact and rarely takes fouls going to the rim. Like most European NBA players, you won't find him entering an Ironman contest anytime soon.  

No. 15: Lamar Odom

Odom's embarrassing tenure with the Dallas Mavericks earned him the "mentally soft" label. Unable to deal with the Lakers' decision to trade him in the (vetoed) Chris Paul deal, he had a temper tantrum and was promptly shipped to Dallas, where he never screwed his head on straight and Mark Cuban released him after the trade deadline in sheer disgust.

If you ask me, Lamar has been spending too much time with the Kardashians. Who else needs all the drama?

No. 14: Brook Lopez

The Brooklyn Nets' young center was outstanding at Stanford and still has a lot of NBA potential after averaging nearly 20 points per game over his first few seasons. But his rebounding averages have dipped every season and are now less than five per game. How can any seven-footer with starters' minutes grab less than four rebounds per game and not be soft?

No. 13: Hanley Ramirez

Is there a difference between lazy and soft?  

Ramirez has super-star talent and could be baseball's best player, but he rarely applies himself and routinely makes fielding mistakes. The Marlins and their fans desperately want Ramirez to wake up, but will he? Or does he need to go somewhere else to fulfill his limitless potential?

No. 12: Matt Ryan

Ryan is a talented quarterback who plays outstanding regular season football and routinely leads the Atlanta Falcons to the NFL playoffs.

But when you get blown out of every playoff game in your career and throw a ton of interceptions in those crucial games, how can you not be soft?

No. 11: Kris Humphries

Lamar Odom's brother-in-law, Kris Humphries, is also a brotherly member of the all-Charmin list.

Humphries, the Brooklyn Nets' power forward, is an adept rebounder and talented scorer in the post. However, he is a me-first player who is a black-hole on most possessions, gets emotional when not given the ball for extended periods and doesn't play a lick of defense.

Do the Kardashians just corrupt whatever they touch?

No. 10: DeSean Jackson

Jackson is a very good down-field receiver who is always a threat to score a touchdown.

But, Jackson always shies away from contact, never runs anything other than deep down-field routes past the defenders, often looks like he misses jump balls just to avoid a collision and is injury-prone.

How many "softness" bells just rang in your head?  

No. 9: Reggie Bush

A heralded Heisman Trophy winner, Bush was expected to take the NFL by storm. But he never demonstrated an ability or desire to fight for yards between the tackles; instead setting for outside running routes and short passes. He didn't try to improve much over his years in the league either.

Still, we'll always cherish those USC Trojan memories...oh wait, weren't those erased from the record books?

No. 8: Vince Young

Young was a special quarterback for the Texas Longhorns, a young, athletic quarterback with great running skills and legitimate passing ability. When he went to the NFL Pro Bowl after his rookie season, everyone thought he was off on a race to the Hall of Fame.

Instead, Young went soft, always suffering from small injuries, never improving his passing accuracy and feuding with coaches. 

No. 7 and No. 6: The 'Sedin Sisters'

Henrik and Daniel Sedin, the star brothers of the Vancouver Canucks, are identical twins who are identically soft on the ice.

Fellow hockey players have always considered the Sedins, who are high-level skill players who always shy from contact and cry foul when they are hurt, soft stars. But, when their arch-rivals, the Chicago Blackhawks, coined the nickname "The Sedin Sisters," it stuck.

No. 5: Matt Schaub

Schaub is a talented quarterback with one of the best, most accurate passing arms in the NFL. He is routinely on pace for Pro-Bowl level seasons. The problem is, he can't finish.

Excuse the bedroom pun but it aptly describes Schaub, who has not finished a single season in the NFL healthy. That near-unique injury record, which was partly the result of bad luck, has earned him a soft label around the league. Worse, his absence in last year's playoffs may have cost the Houston Texans a chance at a Super Bowl.  

No. 4: Joe Mauer

Considered by many the most talented player in baseball, Mauer, the All-Star catcher for the Minnesota Twins, is the best pure hitter in the sport. He is also an outstanding defensive catcher. But he is extremely injury-prone and has rarely played out a full baseball season. Always dealing with minor ailments, Mauer routinely misses multiple games and the Twins suffer.  

And when you sign an eight year contract worth $184 million, as Mauer did in 2010, that level of softness is simply unacceptable.  

No. 3: Andrea Bargnani

The punch-line name for soft European players in the NBA, Bargnani has been a gifted scorer ever since he entered the league as the No. 1 overall pick in 2006.  

However, he has not played a lick of defense his whole career (exempting part of last season, so stay tuned) and strays from all types of contact. He is the definition of a soft player.  

No. 2: Carlos Boozer

Perhaps Boozer is not the most obvious name that comes to mind. But trust Bulls fans; he is one of the softest players out there today.

In his prime with the Utah Jazz, Boozer was a bruising power forward who went after boards and scored inside. He never played any defense or got physical with defenders, but those flaws were forgivable, given his 20-10 stat line. Now, Boozer won't even score in the post, relying purely on a pick-and-pop shooting game, and doesn't even grab rebounds unless they fall in his lap.

On a Bulls team that prides itself on toughness and defense, Boozer's cuddly softness stands out.  

No. 1: Mark Sanchez

Full Disclaimer: No magazine wants me to pose half-naked for hundreds of thousands of dollars. Well, maybe one does, but I haven't found them yet.  

Still, after that ridiculous spread in GQ as a rookie, who else could possibly take this crown?