The Doctor's Weekly WWE Raw Recap: The 148 Things We Learned, Loved and Hated

The Doctor Chris Mueller@@BR_DoctorFeatured ColumnistApril 10, 2012

LAS VEGAS - JULY 11:  Brock Lesnar reacts after knocking out Frank Mir during their heavyweight title bout during UFC 100 on July 11, 2009 in Las Vegas, Nevada.  (Photo by Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images)
Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images

I truly appreciate my loyal readers, but for those of you who are new, each week I recap Raw with a long list.

The entries are made up of equal parts humor, recap, play-by-play, revelations, speculations, questions, answers and anything else I notice during the show. I sometimes comment on commercials too just because I get bored during them.

I have two games each week as well. The first game is trying to correctly predict the length of the next Divas match to the second. The other game is coming up with new and humorous nicknames for David Otunga revolving around a specific part of his character or attire from that week.

This game has produced such wonderful nicknames as the Macchiato Mauler, The Sweater-vest Savior, The Bow-tie Brawler, The Caffeinated Crippler and my personal favorite, the Folger's Soldier.

I try and interject some fun into these lists, so I hope you have fun reading this week's list of the 148 things we learned, loved and hated from the show.

1. The show begins with a plug for the Three Stooges, who are hosting tonight.
2. I am looking forward to this about as much as when Snooki was on.
3. Lawler does get in a good shot on Cole, saying the Three Stooges were like a family reunion for Cole.
4. Big Johnny comes out to what might be the best entrance music in WWE today.
5. He is joined by "The Sweater Vest Suck Up" David Otunga.
6. JL says he is here to introduce someone who is not about catchphrases or entertainment.
7. We get a replay of Lesnar destroying John Cena last week.
8. I guess Laurinaitis is taking credit for bringing Brock back.
9. It's funny how Brock held Cena on his shoulders for about five seconds before hitting the F-5 and Cena made no attempt to break free, he just took it.
10. JL brings out Brock Lesnar, who is facing Cena at Extreme Rules.
11. I am going to Extreme Rules in Chicago, so this is going to be exciting to see the build up.
12. A rare plug for UFC from Michael Cole.
13. Brock thanks JL for having the wisdom for bringing him back.
14. That gets a boo from the crowd, and Cena's music hits right away getting mostly cheers by the sound of it.
15. It looks like Lesnar is going to play the heel and not go tweener, judging by him siding with Laurinaitis.
16. I am shocked WWE is letting Brock wear his shirt from UFC with his sponsors on it instead of a generic WWE shirt or just a plain shirt.
17. Awesome, Cena says to Brock "I never got to thank you for last week" and then slaps the taste out of his mouth.
18. Lesnar pounces and the two begin brawling.
19. This is great, the locker room is coming down to break them up.
20. The ring is filled with people trying to stop the fight.
21. I can't help but wish someone would crawl out from under the mayhem and sneak away like in the Looney Tunes they used to show when I was a kid.
22. The two are finally separated.
23. Damn, Cena is bleeding like crazy from his mouth. He must have gotten hit by accident during the whole melee in the ring.
24. Brock breaks free and lunges towards Cena, but gets pushed back to the corner again.
25. A "Let them fight" chant breaks out.
26. Cena books it across the ring and jumps on Lesnar and they are once again broken up.
27. This segment is saying so much more than some 20-minute back and forth promo ever could.
28. They both break free and lock up a fourth time. This is an awesome way to start the show.
29. Lesnar is dragged out of the ring by some of the wrestlers while Cena is kept at bay in the ring.
30. When Lesnar was on-screen before the break the crowd seemed to boo. I wonder if WWE's plan to get the crowd back on Cena's side is finally working.
31. After the break, Johnny Ace is yelling at Teddy Long, blaming him for not containing John Cena like he was told to.
32. Eve comes in and looks like she is flirting with JL a bit.
33. OK, Brodus Clay is out next. Hopefully this is not just another squash match and he actually starts a feud with someone.
34. I like the guy, but he is not getting the chance to show us anything yet.
35. Santino is out with him and the dancers.
36. Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger are out next to face Santino and Brodus in a tag match.
37. Swagger and Ziggler kind of have an Easter thing going with the pink- and teal-colored attires. Probably not intentional.
38. Swagger hits a nice running chop block on Brodus to get him down.
39. I wonder if Brodus will be feuding with Ziggler and Swagger or just Swagger. I don't think Dolph would enter into a feud with him at this point since he is closer to being a main eventer than anyone else in the match.
40. Ziggler is in control of Santino when we return.
41. King asks Cole "If Vickie was a dinosaur, what kind would she be?" and Cole answered "A beautiful one."
42. King says if Cole were a dinosaur, he would suffer from reptile dysfunction and Cole was laughing off mic for a few seconds. He came back on and could barely keep it in.
43. Cole brings up Swagger's recent hair style change. It's about time someone mentioned it, it'e been bugging me for week. He looks like he should be rowing Crew with the Winklevoss twins.
44. Brodus gets the win for his team with a huge splash on Ziggler.
45. Nothing special, but definitely the best we have seen from Clay since his debut in terms of match time. There was enough to justify a commercial half-way through.
46. Santino and Brodus celebrate in the ring after the match and then we see JL talking to Miz, who he kind of blows off.
47. Cena comes in with the wounds around his mouth being very visible.
48. Cena talks about how facing Brock is JL's attempt at shutting him down, and it won't work.
49. Nice, Laurinaitis makes a match with David Otunga and John Cena tonight.
50. Santino is backstage with Reks and Hawkins, looking for the Three Stooges.
51. It makes sense to put Santino in a segment with them, seeing as he is WWE's resident comedian these days. That is not a knock to Santino, he is good at what he does and I respect him for making the best of an unfair hand over the years.
52. AWESOME! An Avengers commercial plays. I am really excited to see that movie. I loved those comics as a kid and I think Marvel has done a great job creating a whole universe for its characters.
53. Santino runs into Kane on his search for the Stooges. He power-walks away from a clearly unamused Kane.
54. R-Truth is out next for a match and he holds the rope open for Little Jimmy to get in the ring. How considerate.
55. Rhodes is his opponent. This could be a really good match.
56. Cody hits an Alabama Slam early on and Big Show comes out.
57. He shows a clip of last week when he cost Cody a match by showing another clip.
58. So he is showing a clip of him showing a clip. How oddly Jarmuschian of him, with a dash of meta for good measure..
59. Truth hits his finisher on Cody for the pin and the win.
60. I was wrong, that was not a great match.
61. Santino opens a huge crate backstage and the Stooges fall out.
62. I bashed this idea earlier, but I am having so many flashbacks to watching Three Stooges reruns as a kid.
63. The sound effects during the Cobra demonstration were a nice touch.
64. It will be interesting to see how the crowd reacts to this when they go out in the ring later.
65. After commercial, we get Lord Tensai out to face Yoshi Tatsu.
66. Hilarious, a real Japanese wrestler facing someone who just dresses like he is.
67. I have been saying Yoshi deserves a real push for over a year now. I hope this develops into a real feud which benefits both of them, but it will probably be a squash.
68. Is the crowd chanting "Albert?" That is hilarious.
69. TENSAI ICHIBAHN!!!
70. The ref checks on Yoshi after Tensai demolishes him.
71. I like that Tensai is KOing opponents instead of just pinning them.
72. After the match, he puts the claw on Yoshi.
73. WWE had a great concept with Tatsu being insulted by Tensai's use of Japanese culture in his gimmick to build what could have been a good feud, but he was just fed to Tensai as a jobber. Sad.
74. CM Punk comes out to talk about being straight-edge.
75. A CM Punk chant starts up after he says he is the best in the world.
76. He brings up Chris Jericho saying all the terrible things about his family before their match at WrestleMania.
77. Punk brings up the Whiskey incident from last week.
78. Punk flubs one of the words in his promo, that is a really rare thing to see from him, but it almost worked since he was talking about how out of it he was after getting hit with the bottle.
79. Punk says he was thinking about how he smelled like how his father used to smell.
80. He holds back a few crocodile tears before Jericho comes on the titan-tron and mocks him in a very flashy jacket.
81. Jericho says Punk is in denial and he needs to admit he is powerless to alcohol.
82. "CM Drunk," very original Jericho.
83. After CM Punk tells Jericho off, Mark Henry comes out to the ring for the WWE title match we have scheduled.
84. I actually forgot this was going to happen until now.
85. Since there is no way Punk can GTS Mark Henry, I am wondering if he will be able to lock in the Anaconda Vise or if he will lose by count out again.
86. Punk is trying to get in some offense after the break but Mark Henry knocks him on his ass.
87. CM Punk grabs one of the TVs on the announce table and hits Henry with it, disqualifying him.
88. Punk goes to hit Henry again but Jericho comes out to distract him, allowing Henry to attack.
89. Jericho has two 12-packs of beer with him. I wonder if Steve Austin will jump out from the crowd and steal them.
90. You know you would love it if that happened.
91. What the hell kind of beer is that? I don't recognize the box.
92. Before Jericho can dump a beer on Punk he gets kicked in the gut, but gives Punk a Code Breaker.
93. He opens two beers and dumps them on a downed Punk.
94. Is that non-alcoholic beer? Maybe that's why the box looks so unfamiliar.
95. The crowd needs to start chanting "Steve-Weiser."
96. Way to go, Jericho. Now the ring crew has to come out and change the mat during the commercial.
97. Jericho delivers a second Code Breaker to Punk before going to grab the WWE Championship.
98. Zack Ryder comes out after commercial for a match.
99. His most recent storyline seems to have left him in a bit of a limbo state. I am not sure if he will be back to being a prime-time player again anytime soon.
100. Alberto Del Rio is his opponent, and he comes out in a beautiful looking Mercedes.
101. Does anyone else wonder why the steel chair became the weapon of choice for wrestlers?
102. We get a replay of last week when Sheamus lost to Del Rio by DQ.
103. Del Rio starts off strong against Ryder.
104. Ryder hits a very stiff-looking Broski Boot at one point.
105. Del Rio comes back and locks in his finisher to make Ryder tap for the win.
106. I guess Ryder is no longer being pushed. That was basically a squash.
107. The Stooges are shown again before commercial. I guess they are next. This will be...interesting, to say the least.
108. Cena will be appearing on a show called Dream Machines on SyFy, but not in the debut episode, which airs tomorrow.
109. The crowd sounds pretty dead for their entrance.
110. I hear a lot of boos.
111. Oh my God. Hulk Hogan's music hits and the new Curly comes out to his music with his attire on.
112. Dixie Carter just had a nervous breakdown.
113. This is getting boos too, and they just get louder when the Hulk Hogan impression begins.
114. Is WWE trying to slap Hogan and TNA in the face or is this just in good fun? I honestly can't tell.
115. Kane comes out to put a stop to this insanity.
116. Please, Kane, put an end to our misery.
117. Moe and Larry bail and Curly is left to take on Kane alone.
118. He tries to Hulk-up but just gets choke-slammed by Kane.
119. At least the crowd yelled "You!" when Curly pointed at Kane after doing the Hulk-up. You gotta hand it to the WWE crowd, they are usually on the money when it comes to those little details.
120. Mark Henry is backstage talking about how he has been screwed two weeks in a row, so he got JL to make the next match between him and Punk no DQ, no count-out for the title.
121. Henry calls it the World Heavyweight Championship instead of the WWE Championship. Not a big deal, but a detail I would expect them to get right.
122. After commercial, Lawler says he has just been told Josh Mathews will interview Brock Lesnar.
123. This is going to look like Warwick Davis standing next to Val Kilmer. Good movie.
124. Lesnar says he is proud of everything he has done and he runs down his accomplishments.
125. He basically takes credit for the UFC becoming popular.
126. Lesnar says Cena can't even hold his jock strap.
127. Some cheers and some boos from the crowd during his interview. Seems like some people are split on his return.
128. A really nice video package about the match between Triple H and The Undertaker airs, and I have to say that this is one of the better recap videos I have seen in awhile.
129. The Caped Collegiate is out for his match against Cena and I cannot help but think that Lesnar will be making an appearance in this match.
130. This weeks nickname game will be about Otunga's cape again. I just love the caped-themed nicknames. The whole cape thing is hilarious to begin with, but funny monikers make it better.
131. There was no Divas match this week, but feel free to leave your predictions for any possible SmackDown Divas match that may happen.
132. Seeing Otunga pose reminds that to give a shout out to my brother, Jay Mueller, who placed Third in his first ever Body-Building competition this past weekend. Check out the embedded video to see him pose on stage in what has to be the smallest thing any man has ever legally worn in public.

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133. A dueling Cena chant starts up as the match gets going.
134. Otunga has had a surprising amount of the upper hand in this match.
135. He takes a second to pose for the crowd and gets attacked by Cena.
136. Cena gets Otunga in the air and delivers an AA before putting on the STF.
137. Otunga taps and the match is over.
138. Lesnar runs in and delivers a low blow to Cena from behind.
139. The crowd is split as many are booing, but some are chanting Lesnar's name.
140. He hits an F-5 on Cena and stand over him.
141. Big Johnny looks on, pleased, from ringside as Brock's music plays.
142. Brodus Clay got his longest match tonight.
143. Brock Lesnar is certainly a heel.
144. Zack Ryder is not being pushed anymore.
145. Yoshi Tatsu is officially a jobber.
146. CM Punk can't escape Jericho's waterfall of alcohol.
147. It was a decent show. It started strong and got stupid when the Stooges did their thing. I like where Brock and Cena's feud is going and I am looking forward to Extreme Rules.
148. What kind of match do you think they should have, since it is the night of all stipulation matches?

Thanks for reading and feel free to share your thoughts and additions to the list below. Also, please take a moment and make your prediction for the length of the next Divas match as well as your nickname for David Otunga.