The Worst Cliches We Hear from NBA Announcers

NBA announcers, much like anybody else who has to talk off the cuff for three hours about a topic, have a tough job. You may think you can go out and do it with no problems, but just trying to talk about something for that long is extremely difficult.

What makes it hard is coming up with original things to say, avoiding overused words and phrases while still making sense and being entertaining.

Well, that's damn near impossible to do at this point, as whenever there's a hip new phrase it will be used to death, losing it's effectiveness early. This clip from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia more or less explains it.

There are cliches, however, that are used so much these days that whenever I hear them I go into an involuntary rage, leading to me throwing things at the television.

So, I'm going to go out here and give 110 percent, and give you the cliches that are past their prime, the ones that aren't team players and aren't aggressive enough or have a high basketball IQ. After all, there's no I in Bleacher Report.

He Plays the Game the Right Way

Whenever there's an announcer who comments on a player, "Playing the game the right way," I always end up puzzled because of how vague a thing to say it is.

I would say that Larry Bird, Magic Johnson and Michael Jordan all played the game the right way, but I don't think anyone is going to argue that they played the game in a similar manner.

What they're trying to say is that he plays hard and doesn't make stupid mistakes, but leaving the phrase that vague gives idiots like myself a chance to complain about what they're saying.

He's Not a True Point Guard

This is a case where it's easy to understand what the announcers are talking about, but they're covering up a criticism with a bit of verbal gymnastics.

What they're trying to say in this case is, "Hey, that guy shoots too much and doesn't pass enough," when talking about a player running the point.

The obvious candidate for that distinction has been Russell Westbrook this year, but there are a few more out there running around.

Instead of masking what you mean, why not just say, "Hey, he should pass more."

He's a Volume Scorer

This is another case of announcers doing their best to avoid outright insulting a player by masking what they mean with words.

A volume scorer is a guy that takes a lot of shots to get a lot of points, so basically it's a high-scoring player with a low shooting percentage.

Monta Ellis still has this problem from time to time, but then so does Kobe Bryant, so it doesn't have to be a bad thing, but announcers refuse to call it what it is.

Defense Is All Effort

Stating that defense is all effort is possibly the most asinine thing that I hear come out of announcers' mouths on a weekly basis.

Sure, a player will be a better defender if he gives more effort, but that doesn't mean he's only a good defender because of the effort he gives. Some players give great effort but they're too slow, too dumb or too short, making them bad defenders.

Hell, I would do everything it takes to stop LeBron James from scoring short of punching him in the throat (and depending on my mood, I might even go for that) but he's still going to dunk on my face.

Any Interaction Between a Sideline Reporter and Their Interviewee

This is a clip from the movie Bedazzled, one of the underrated movies of the 2000s, depicting a big portion of what is wrong with using a sideline reporter at any point.

However, I'm not here to say that athletes are dumb, just that they have become so penned up when it comes to what they know they are and aren't allowed to say that these are the types of responses that always come out.

Post-game interviews from sideline reporters are just another chance for cliches to be spouted at a faster rate than I can drive, leading to nothing being learned.

Classy This and Classy That

Describing a basketball player as a "classy" guy is all well and fine, but in all honesty, who cares?

NBA fans will make up their mind about a player depending on what they do on the court, regardless of their off-court actions 99 percent of the time (sorry, LeBron).

Andrew Bynum could be saving baby turtles in his spare time, but everyone remembers him body-slamming JJ Barea in the playoffs last year, leading to a negative opinion forming of him.

'The Lost Art Of...'

The classic cliche when it comes to something being lost is that the mid-range jumper is a lost art, and who knows, maybe it is.

I searched for "mid-range jumper" in our Getty Images bank of photos and the newest picture was that of Allan Houston from 2003.

However, that doesn't make it a lost art, It just means that the announcers liked the game better back in the day, and that players played the game the right way back then (hey, a callback!).

Tweeners

For months leading up to the 2011 NBA Draft all we heard about was how Derrick Williams is a "'tweener," too small to be a power forward but too big to be a small forward.

Labels like that make it seem like players are only allowed to be certain heights to be certain positions, or that what we conceive as positions are absolute, and nothing else can work out.

However, the truth is that undersized guys, oversized guys and in-betweens can work out just fine. Ben Wallace was too small to play center and Magic Johnson was too big to play point guard, but they seemed to do just fine.

'We're Focusing on Defense'

This isn't one from announcers, but it's one that usually comes out of the mouth of the coach of a team that has been struggling for a few years.

It's a team that doesn't have the talent to outscore other teams on any given night but they can put forth the effort to play better defense to win more games. That thought plays on the notion that defense is all effort, something that we tackled earlier.

Sometimes you just have bad players, and bad players can't play good defense.

'BANG!'

Mike Breen has been a pretty good play-by-play man over the years, save this one little thing that I absolutely can't stand about him.

Whenever a big shot goes in, whether it be a buzzer beater or something near that he'll just shout, "BANG!"

It's not a terrible thing to shout, but it doesn't add anything to his play-by-play except noise. At this point it just feels like he knows he's supposed to say something, but making loud noise will suffice.

Jeff Van Gundy Complaining About Offensive Fouls

I've been a fan of Jeff Van Gundy on broadcast teams since the beginning, I like that he calls people out, whether they be players, refs, coaches or David Stern himself. However, he will go on and on about offensive fouls in every game he commentates.

A borderline charge call will always lead to, "You see, that's what's wrong with foul calls these days. That's a no-call right there. The league really needs to curb these referees calling a charge any time something like this happens."

We get it, Jeff, you don't like charges and the league should change the rule, that doesn't mean you have to go on and on about it every time you have a microphone. 

Defense Wins Championships

I'm a defensive man at heart (mostly because I have the same range as Shaq) but even I know a team that only focuses on defense can't win a title.

Sure, the playoffs brings a slower brand of basketball, but that doesn't mean defense wins championships over everything.

You need a decent coach, some good scorers and teamwork along with defense to have any chance at a title. 

Big Players Make Big Plays

Whenever I hear this, I always feel like there's nothing dumber than an announcer can say. This is the most obvious statement a guy can make.

Of course, big players make big plays, but there are guys who don't show up game in and game out who can make big plays; just ask Steve Kerr.

Length, Length, Length

I like the term length as a description of a player who is more than just tall, but at this point it's just a word to make dirty jokes about.

JaVale McGee has length, Dwight Howard has length, that all makes sense, but now we've gotten to the point where we quantify length based on the position a guy plays saying things like, "Derrick Williams has considerable length for a small forward," which inevitably makes him a 'tweener.

Just say the guy has long arms and move on. 

Oh, and while I'm on the subject of describing prospects, the phrase "upside potential" is the dumbest thing ever uttered. A guy has the chance to possibly be good? Wow, how insightful. 

'He's the Next (Insert Ridiculous Comparison)'

I've seen Michael Jordan, Harold Miner, LeBron James, Grant Hill and Kobe Bryant, and guess what? They're all different players.

However all of these other guys have at one time or another been compared to Jordan to mixed results.

There are just too many variables when it comes to player development for anybody to say with certainty that a certain player is going to turn out to be the next anybody.

Hell, I've got the upside potential to be the next Luke Walton, the only problems are that I'm not classy enough and I'm a 'tweener.

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