WWE: Why Teddy Long's Tired Routine Has Got to Go

When former WWE referee and manager Teddy Long took over the role of Smackdown GM in 2004, it seemed like a smart move.

The talented Long was a competent on-screen performer, a smooth and polished talker and, refreshingly for an authority figure in wrestling, didn’t hog the spotlight and annoyingly inject himself into every main event storyline.

Considering how overdone the evil GM act as become (Vince McMahon, Eric Bischoff, Kurt Angle, etc.), a sympathetic face general manager who tried to play fair with everyone and keep the heels in line was also a nice change of pace. 

But fast forward to the present day and Long’s character has gotten worn-out, tired and woefully clichéd.

Indeed, his now-famous propensity for coming out and making tag team matches (usually when a bunch of face and heel wrestlers are arguing/brawling) has become a running joke amongst fans and critics.

Even fellow WWE star Zack Ryder poked fun at the meme on a recent episode of Z! True Long Island Story (check out the credits).    

Over the years, he has also had a habit of making poor mid-card heels go one-on-one with The Undertaker on every episode of SD, to the point where one has to wonder whether Taker ever got annoyed at constantly getting put in matches on every show, simply because the GM couldn’t think of anything better to do.

Of course, now that Undertaker is mostly retired (probably so Teddy couldn’t put him in any more throwaway TV matches), Mr. Long just forces people to go one-on-one with Randy Orton.

How predictable has Long become?  Hey, someone even came up with this hilarious (and scarily accurate) "The Teddy Long GM Chart", which attempts to explain the former NWA star’s decision-making process.

Aside from the clichés, he has become deeply irritating as a character.

First of all, there is his tedious long-running romance angle with former NXT beauty Aksana.  

Since the summer, seemingly every other skit on SD has been Teddy flirting outrageously with the Lithuanian diva (who is always accompanied by cheesy blue lightning and lame porn-style music) and it's all leading up to…well, absolutely nothing as far as we can tell.  The writers probably don’t even know at this point.

The angle is also a little unsettling considering that at 64 years old, Long is more than old enough to be the 29-year-old Aksana’s father.  

This was also a factor in his equally squeamish romance plot with SD Diva Kristal Marshall in 2007 (although at least that actually went somewhere and they had a wedding on the show, even if Marshall was quickly dropped from the company afterwards and never mentioned again). 

He’s also fired floundering SD star Drew McIntyre roughly 50 times by now. And keeps bringing him back (often on the exact same show), for some reason—probably to torture him even more (Long and McIntyre have a checkered history and the implication in the angle is that Long is abusing his power to settle some old scores with the Scotsman).   

So let’s get this straight: Long spends most of his time on the job crudely lusting after young women half his age, cruelly toying with the emotions of mid-carders and generally making a total mess of his main event scene (most of Mark Henry’s assessments of Long’s incompetence and uselessness in the last few months have actually been spot-on), and he’s supposed to be the babyface and the guy we’re supposed to cheer for?

Yikes. We badly need a break from this character.

In fairness to Long, it may not just be that his character has become grating.  Give or take a few on-screen demotions and injuries, which have sent his character on brief sabbaticals, he has been a regular presence on Smackdown for eight years now.  \

Even the most versatile and hard-working performer would struggle to stay fresh and relevant under those circumstances, so it’s no wonder Long has faltered in recent years.

In summary, the Long character served its purpose at one time, but after eight years of non-stop tag team matches, matches with people going one-on-one with The Undertaker/Randy Orton and atrocious, never-ending romance angles, it really is time for a change.

Sorry, Playa.