Santonio Holmes and the NFL's 7 Biggest Punks

There is no denying that, in 21^st century sports, there is as much of a premium put on entertainment value as there is athletic skill.

Someone who sells tickets and scores touchdowns is much more marketable than some Silent Bob who may have a greater gift for putting points on the board or sacking quarterbacks.

The line separating flare and flash from outright absurdity seems to have blurred in years of late, and because of this, it transcends the established routine of "boys will be boys" disregard. It is beginning to cost teams dearly and needs to be restricted.

Between the endless contract squabbles over unimaginable mountains of cash, coach and player intrasquad drama, extracurricular run-ins with the law or the total abandonment of regard for fellow players and rules, it is clear that a new era of punk has assumed control of the National Football League.

There are surely dozens more that can be added to this list, but these are my seven most notorious.

Santonio Holmes

At one point, everything seemed to be under control. The behavioral issues that sent the Super Bowl XLIII's most valuable player packing from Pittsburgh seemed to be behind him.

The debate-worthiness of his 2010 substance abuse suspension aside, it appeared that Santonio finally found a home in New York, abandoning his immature ways.

These foolishly immature ways, apparently, did not travel too far away.

In reality, the outburst of stupidity that Holmes has shown over the final month of the Jets 2011 season only highlights a long history of behavioral problems from the star receiver.

In the past five years, Holmes has found himself in legal trouble on several occasions for reasons spanning from domestic violence and assault to drug possession to refusing to comply with FAA regulations on a flight from Pittsburgh.

Yet he assured the Jets organization and the New York media that these isolated events were just that and that he had earnestly learned his lesson.

Apparently, he learned it until his five-year, $45 million contract erased his memory.

The issue with Santonio Holmes boils down to this very simple conclusion, one that many NFL “stars” must eventually arrive at: If you chose to accept payment to perform a job, regardless of what that job is or how much of the needless spotlight you receive, you will be expected to perform it to the best of your abilities.

I often wonder if these athletes understand what it is like in the real world, where you can be, and should be, fired for not doing the job you are paid to do.

Steve Johnson

Steve Johnson may just be the perfect Kardashian example of an NFL athlete looking to become famous for the sake of being famous. Time and again, he is punished for his ridiculous behavior, penalized by both referees and coaches and yet he continues in his outlandish and embarrassing efforts to make his name relevant.

His 2010 celebration of a rare Buffalo touchdown that included the pre-planned revealing of a tee-shirt reading “Why So Serious?” was cute, if not ironic considering the reality that no Bills fan should take their team seriously.

Johnson’s first 1,000-yard receiving season should have been enough to take pride in. A Hanes beefy-T with some socially tired phrase scribbled in Sharpie did not need to be added. Still, Johnson failed to become the household name he obviously looked to become.

The shocking revelation that God himself was to blame for Johnson dropping a potential game-winning catch against the Steelers later that season was peculiar at best, offensive at worst and embarrassing in fact.

Johnson’s coup de gras though came this season when he celebrated a touchdown reception against the New York Jets with a spastic imitation of Plaxico Burress’ gun shot incident and followed it with a mock Jet crash to the floor of MetLife Stadium.

He also decided last week that the New England Patriots were a team deserving of another vaunted tee-shirt taunt, reminding everyone who was not already aware that it was New Year's Day.

Johnson’s antics have received the proper reward they deserve. In New York, his Bills team received the unsportsmanlike conduct penalty that would consequentially cost them a victory against a division foe. His thoughtful holiday greeting last week was received by head coach Chan Gailey and retorted with a warm seat on the Buffalo bench for the remainder of the game.

Rodney Harrison

True, Harrison may no longer be an active participant on the football field, but it cannot be denied that the soapbox he stands on over the NFL has never been as tall.

I am by no means a New England Patriots apologist, far from it, but even I stopped to question what has caused the vendetta Harrison, now an analyst for NBC’s flagship Sunday Night Football, has against his former team.

When asked in early November about his thoughts regarding the New England defense scheme in 2011, Harrison told Boston Herald reporter Karen Guregian: “I hate it, I don’t like it all. That scheme doesn’t work for me.” Harrison continued by stating, “If I’m the defensive coordinator, I’ve got to make these guys” and then speculated Tom Brady’s doubt in his defensive counterparts.

Harrison’s condemnation of his former defensive squad was commonplace on the NBC broadcast, often surprising his on-air colleagues with his harsh words.   

For every football player who had to endure the catcalls of fans in the stands who always knew better after the whistle blew, you know why this qualifies Rodney Harrison for this list.

For every NFL player who had to handle questions about a former teammate-turned dreadful broadcaster questioning the character of their locker room, they know why he makes this list.

When you consider the constant state of turnover and parity in the National Football League, it is evident that players who leave the gridiron for the greener pastures of retirement quickly lose the intimate connection with their former team’s heartbeat.  Players swap teams these days more often than ever before, characters are introduced and removed, and the environment their alumni once flourished in is now almost completely different.

Contrary to whatever neat motto franchises may spout during ring ceremonies and jersey retirement parties, Rodney Harrison is no longer a Patriot in the definitive sense. He does not spend hours, days, weeks and months alongside these players. How in the world does he think he can cast the sort of intimate judgment that he does on any NFL team, much less his former teammates.

Troy Aikman continues to be reserved when analyzing his former Cowboy teams; Phil Simms seems to only recall Parcells stories rather than Giants memories; only steadfast NFL historians could tell you who Dan Dierdorf played for as a professional; and for the volumes upon volumes of football knowledge Ron Jaworski has absorbed, it takes many people an extra second thought to remember that he was perhaps history’s greatest Eagle.

Why, you ask? Perhaps they don’t because they have moved on.

Brandon Jacobs

Where else could a running back that has only eclipsed the 1,000-yard benchmark twice over the course of seven seasons (and has barely done so in both occasions) run his mouth as much as Brandon Jacobs has?

The thing that separates Brandon Jacobs from the rest of the entries in this list is not where he plays—there is enough pressure on athletes who suit up in Metropolis to turn anybody a little bitter—but it is the fact that he has continued to build a reputation as an outspoken punk while, quite honestly, not being that good.

Jacobs is currently ranked 30^th in rushing league-wide and has only broken the top 15 once in his career.

After a lackluster five-carry, ten-yard “performance” against the Dolphins in Week 7, Jacobs refused to answer questions about his difficulties carrying the ball, instead commenting that he had no concern over the game since he was expecting a new car to arrive at his house soon after.

Somewhere in that comment is a subconscious cipher that actually reads, “I have no concerns because I’ve never been able to run the ball successfully in the first place and heck, we have Eli.”

Jacobs continued in his assault on decency this season prior to the New York civil war against the Jets in Week 16, doing everything short of challenging Jets coach Rex Ryan to a fistfight before producing 42 all-pro yards on seven carries.

I will give it to Jacobs: He at least accomplishes the task of distracting opposing coaches. Then again, at least in the case of Rex Ryan, so can giant inflatable balloons and pizza pie.

Albert Haynesworth

Although there has not been a lot written about Albert Haynesworth this season, perhaps for the first time in his decade-long career, there may forever be a place for Albert on this list.

His uneventful cup of coffee in New England and even less productive finale in Tampa will surely once again flip the hourglass towards another Haynesworth meltdown.

I am starting to think that Albert Haynesworth just may be the world’s most miserable $100 million man.

The former Titan, Redskin, Patriot and current Buccaneer has pouted his way off every team he has been on while contributing next to nothing towards the success of any of them. He has taken every second chance afforded him by would-be suitors and failed to reward them with performance.

His sideline behavior has become the thing of humorous legend, looking more like a petulant 350-pound infant that has misplaced his bottle than the dominant force he markets himself as.

For every former NFL player from bygone eras that finds that hawking signatures or making personal appearances at car wash openings is the only way to make ends meet, I can only hope they one day get a crack at Mr. Haynesworth.

Lord knows he can afford the medical bills.

Ndamukong Suh

To stomp a downed player with a cleat is reprehensible. To do so during Thanksgiving compounds the problem on one of the most-watched days on the NFL calendar and raises it to legendary stupidity status. To attempt to excuse your irresponsible option in the way Ndamukong Suh did is nearly offensive in its logic.

There is no denying whatsoever that Suh is now, and will be for many years to come, one of the most dominant football players in the NFL. He strikes fear into offenses around the league and has the capability to single-handedly alter the outcome of any game he plays in.

The fact that he repeatedly makes some of the most regrettable actions seen in recent memory leaves you to wonder if he may just be bad at heart.

Lions fans and supporters attempt to dismiss Suh’s habitually dirty play by suggesting that it lends credence to the Lions' new-found relevance and tougher attitude. Some would even suggest that, because of Suh’s behavior, the Lions are playoff bound with a chip on their shoulder.

The Los Angeles riots in the 1990s did not make California more credible, being a world-class sucker puncher does not a World Champion boxer make and discarding God-given natural talent in favor of cheap tactics is shameful.

Suh’s attempt to make amends for previous violations was temporarily admirable. His visit to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell’s office in early November seems completely contrived now following his Thanksgiving monster stomp.

One can only hope that Suh decides that becoming one of the best defensive lineman the sport of football has ever seen supersedes his desire to become the appointed Motor City Madman.

Jim Harbaugh

I know what you are thinking: the Detroit thing was not nearly a big enough thing to lead Harbaugh on this list.

Yes, Jim Harbaugh makes my list of top NFL punks, but he is the only qualifier that I believe makes his team better because he has the makings of one.

The San Francisco 49ers have at the helm of this incredible run a punk the likes of which coaches like Rex Ryan wishes he could be.

Harbaugh’s altercation with Detroit head coach Jim Schwartz was like Highlander stealing the power from his last beheading. At that moment, the Niners reached a plateau the Lions have not been able to revisit.

Thanks to a postgame nudge between coaches, it elevated an otherwise uneventful win into a forceful kicking open of a door that could lead to the Lombardi trophy.

There may be no more entertaining of a character in sports than an athlete who calls his shot. Ruth’s home run in 1932, Namath’s Super Bowl in 1969, Messier’s conference final hat trick in 1994—everyone loves to see a sports icon put his swagger into practice.

In this case, I don’t think I would get any argument from Harbaugh himself on making this list.