This secret is greater than any 53 players you could possibly imagine. It is greater than any game plan, and it is even more awesome than the size of Rex Ryan's mouth.
This bountiful force takes no prisoners, and it will leave the New York Jets questioning their manhood.
Whether you like to believe in its force, its power, its boldness, or whether you decide, for whatever reason, to doubt it in any way, the outcome of its power is inevitable.
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This weapon leaves its opponents in the dust, and before they even know it, they will be cowering at its very presence.
Don't let its appeal to the eyes fool you, because it will smack you in the mouth before asking any questions.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends or foe, Jets and scum (if there is any difference); This Sunday the Miami Dolphins will be unveiling their orange jerseys. When the Dolphins suit up in these beautiful crafts of thread, they are undefeated.
The only thing that would make Clark Kent, AKA superman, more of a man would be if he changed into an orange Dolphins jersey, instead of his superman costume.
The orange jersey doesn't need an "S" on the front of it, because every Dolphins opponent that has faced them knows it cannot be messed with; Just ask the Redskins, Patriots, and Jets about their meeting with the Orange Doom!
There is one glaring difference between Clark Kent wearing his S of destruction, and the Miami Dolphins wearing their fantastic orange. What is that difference, you ask?
Kryptonite. Superman's greatest foe was kryptonite, as it weakened him.
The Dolphins biggest foe is the New York Jets, but their power doesn't even compare to that of kryptonite. If you would compare the Jets to kryptonite, it would be like comparing the Incredible Hulk to Mark Sanchez.
Even next to Tom Brady, Mark Sanchez looks like a teenage drama queen. Next to the Hulk, Sanchez is about as intimidating as an unborn baby.
So as you see the Dolphins walking through the tunnel Sunday night, geared up for battle in their indestructible armor of orange, the New York Jets will be draped in their peasant, puke green uniforms wishing they could at least look good before they got brutally beaten in front of millions of people.