NFL Week 17 Predictions: Toddler Style

My son's future as a sports handicapper is looking less likely as each week passes. It's tough for him, his first taste of mediocrity.

Walden finished last week at 9-7. A winning record sure, but not quite as soaring as he'd expected it to be. He's now 17-16 on the season. And while he's not losing money, he's not making much either—breaking even isn't exactly what we'd call a success.

But just as he did in Week 15, he made some sound picks last week. He nailed Seattle over the Jets, Oakland over Houston, and the Redskins over the Eagles.

He decided to take a break from playing with all his new toys to make some picks for the final week of the season. He's made it clear though, unless he hauls in a great week, he may not return for the playoffs.

If you've missed the last few weeks, the premise is simple.

The way this system works is Dad, that's me, writes the teams on a piece of paper.

Example: "Patriots at Bills"

Then I hand my son the crayon and he makes his selection. The selection is determined by how long he lingers and scribbles on one team's name or the other.

Got it? Good, let's begin.

Browns at Steelers

The Steelers have clinched the division title and a first-round bye. Walden thinks they don't have anything for which to play this week.

Walden's pick: Browns

Titans at Colts

The Titans need next to nothing, going in to Week 17 division champs, first-round bye owners, and homefield advantage coming their way. The Colts are in as well, but are probably looking to continue to click. Walden's a big fan of Brian the ball of tape in Tennessee.

Walden's pick: Titans

Jacksonville at Baltimore

Walden made this pick as he climbed over me, scaling me like Father Mountain that I am. Very similar, I imagine, to what the Ravens defense will do to the Jaguars seventh-worst protecting offensive line. The Ravens have to win on Sunday. Walden expects them to.

Walden's pick: Ravens

Chiefs at Bengals

In a game that really only has head-coaching implications, Walden could hardly be bothered. He preferred to rock away on his new airplane-rocking plane (horse?). As is often the case when games are close, animals settle the score.

Walden's pick: Bengals

Rams at Falcons

The family's team came through big last week, and thus Walden was even more proud of his new Falcons sweatshirt from Santa. Walden learned his lesson last week picking against the home team since I taunted him all week.

Walden's pick: Falcons

Panthers at Saints

The Panthers are favored by three on the road and have a division title on the line. Walden likes this game a lot. He lost his mind for a minute, running in circles and running away from and back to me. He's either hyped up on the game or had too much Pez.

Walden's pick: Saints

Bears at Texans

The Texans came back to earth last week losing to Oakland and the Bears escaped Green Bay with an overtime win. There's either a bounce-back or let-down factor here. The Bears have something riding on the game, whereas the Texans are just playing for the respect factor.

Walden's pick: Texans

Giants at Vikings

The Vikings are favored by a shocking 6 1/2. I suppose with everything locked up, the starters won't be playing long. That doesn't bode well for Chicago's chances at the playoffs. Though Walden is of Nordic-descent, he doesn't lean towards the Scandinavian warriors just yet.

Walden's pick: Giants

Cowboys at Eagles

The sixth and final wild-card slot in the NFC essentially rides on this game. Walden's too young to know what a cowboy is, but he's definitely familiar with Eagles! Need I remind you, animals will almost always be favored.

Walden's pick: Eagles

Lions at Packers

In what could be one of the most-watched games on Sunday, the Packers are favored by a whopping 10 1/2. While Walden isn't breaking records with his picks, he knows he's not an all-out loser.

Walden's pick: Packers

Raiders at Buccaneers

The Battle of the Pirates. Trying to pick the lesser of two evils, he employed the dart method, except he used one of his new balls. The kid's got a good arm.

Walden's pick: Buccaneers

Seahawks at Cardinals

Can the Cardinals enter the playoffs looking any worse? Walden's confident they won't.

Walden's pick: Cardinals

Broncos at Chargers

Walden liked the Chargers last week and they came through for him, keeping their playoff hopes alive. They have a chance to cap an impressive, yet flawed, comeback. Walden ripped up the Broncos' side of the page. Literally, shredded it. I don't know if he can be any more clear.

Walden's pick: Chargers

Redskins at 49ers

His interest waning, Walden let the cat make this selection. Lazy as always, the cat laid down, though the 49ers are unlikely to. I hope Walden, if wrong, won't try to claim that this wasn't actually his pick.

Walden's pick: 49ers

Patriots at Bills

I had to interrupt an intense puzzle session to get this pick from him. There is some confusion about whether a "bill" is an actual animal.

Walden's pick: Patriots

Dolphins at Jets

One of the more anticipated games of the day for a variety of reasons. You can probably guess who he picked, but aeronautics are also high on his favorite things right—he received two airplane related toys for Christmas. But when he stomped on the Jets' name, that was a pretty clear sign.

Walden's pick: Dolphins

Walden's looking to avoid the post-Christmas doldrums with a big week. He's flying high on Christmas bliss and hopes to parlay that into at least four games above .500.

A good week and he may return, roaring, as only he can do—and yes he does roar—and ready for the playoffs.