NBA Lockout: Casting Movie Characters for All the Major Players

If there were to be a movie about the NBA lockout, which movie characters would be used to portray each side?

There has been a lot of discussion about the different roles each owner and player making headlines has played in the negotiations, so why not use a character from a variety of films to portray how some might view them in the public sphere?

With frustration mounting and fans growing impatient, enjoy some entertainment as your favorite names of the lockout take on a new identity.

David Stern: The Joker

Stern has been adamant about his desire for a season, but his comments would seem to indicate otherwise.

After the commissioner said that the owners were through negotiating and threatened the players’ side with ultimatum after ultimatum, the result of his decision to do that has really caused utter chaos and thrown a stick of dynamite toward the campaign—that’s rather reminiscent of the Joker.

It’s unbelievable that this is where we currently stand in the drawn-out process, but that probably should’ve been expected after Stern and Dwyane Wade got into a shouting match during one “negotiating” session.

Adam Silver: The Riddler

Silver has been Stern’s right-hand man for a long time before this happened, so it’s only fitting that another villain from Batman is cast for Silver.

The Riddler can be described as eccentric and hilarious, and while the latter might not be the first adjective out of most people’s mouths to describe the Deputy Commissioner, it’s oddly fitting.

Sometimes, the things that come out of his mouth are just jaw-dropping, and Silver is always very sure to cover all of his bases when giving an answer to any question.

Dan Gilbert: Dr. Evil

Something about a man who enjoys writing his angry letters in Comic Sans font and Dr. Evil just seem to fit one another perfectly.

He’s insulted fans and basketball bloggers around the world throughout this lockout, and although he continues to make a profit off of LeBron James, he simply doesn’t seem prepared to let anything go in any direction except the one that he desires.

Despite reports that he was backing off of his hard-line stance, Gilbert has been one owner who hasn’t made the potential for a deal any easier, and there’s something about this particular casting that seems so very fitting.

Paul Allen: Darth Vader

Allen has a net worth of over $13 billion, and his claim to fame is co-founding Microsoft with Bill Gates, but that hasn’t prevented him from being among the villains in this work stoppage.

He’s owned the Trail Blazers for more than 20 years, and now that he’s finally got a young and very exciting team to watch, he can’t even see them take the court.

There’s no question that he’s hidden behind a mask like Vader's throughout, and that’s what makes this casting so fitting.

Worth twice as much money as the next two NBA owners combined, Allen has signed off on such decisions as choosing to tender an $8.8 million qualifying contract offer to an always-injured Greg Oden as well as the decision to absorb Raef LaFrentz and what remained on his original $70 million contract.

Derek Fisher: Tom Beck

Tom Beck is President of the United States at a time of dire crisis, as he has no way of stopping an asteroid that will destroy the entire planet.

Similarly, Fisher really had no way of forcing the owners to bargain in good faith, and eventually the hard-liners on that side were acting as the asteroid looking to extinguish the sport, albeit temporarily.

JaVale McGee: Buddy the Elf

Remember when McGee said some players were ready to fold and end the lockout?

He just seemed so excited to get back on the court, and it's comical to compare him to Buddy, who couldn't wait for Christmas to arrive and didn't care who knew it.

McGee also invented the "Flying Buddha," but despite the comic relief he provided to some, he really just got on the nerves of some others.

Roger Mason: Neal Daniels

Why did Neal Daniels leak information to that reporter?

Why did Roger Mason claim that his Twitter account was hacked after he said it was looking like there would be a season?

Both actions can be described with a simple “how you.”

Now, we’re still waiting to hear that it’s looking like there'll be a season.

Billy Hunter: Dr. Rick Marshall

Will Ferrell plays Dr. Rick Marshall in a movie where nobody except for himself seems to believe in his opinions, and that’s kind of where Billy Hunter ultimately drifted throughout the negotiations.

He placed far too much optimism in the owners’ willingness to negotiate in good faith and for a fair deal to actually be constructed, so he became increasingly isolated in his beliefs on an agreement.

Mo Evans: Dean Jones

At almost every press conference the players’ contingency held throughout this process, Evans was whispering something into Fisher’s ear.

In Horrible Bosses, Dean Jones plays a guy who is paid by three men to assist in the killing of their bosses, but he never really had a plan in the entire process.

While Evans definitely had an idea of what was going on in the negotiating session, the two both had a smooth, low tone that made anything they said emerge in a different tone.

Michael Jordan: Lord Voldemort

Just think of it like this: if Kobe Bryant is Harry Potter coming to challenge Voldemort for his title as greatest wizard of all time, this is spot on.

Jordan has been adamant throughout the process in his stance and has led the group of hard-line owners, and with Bryant currently possessing five championship rings and looking for his sixth, Jordan is blocking him from achieving exactly that.

Jordan has also surrounded himself with less-than-inspiring sidekicks, as the infamous villain did.

His poor decision-making in the draft, paired with an ineptitude on the trade market, is the real reason his franchise is where it currently stands.