NASCAR Sprint Cup's Most Wanted: The Crimes of Brian Vickers at Martinsville

Brian Vickers' driving display on Sunday, October 30th at Martinsville Speedway has been weighed in the balances and found wanting. He has been judged by a jury of his peers and found guilty beyond a shadow of a doubt.

The key witnesses: Jamie McMurray and Matt Kenseth. Witnesses testifying in corroboration with the plaintiffs: the author of this article and Jimmie Johnson.

I was at said race. I sat in front of turn four and witnessed the carnage that Mr. Vickers unleashed upon the field. This is certainly one of the most unprofessional displays, in any sport, that I have witnessed live in my life. Frankly, I do not understand how Mr. Vickers was not kicked out of the race for purposefully and obviously ramming Matt Kenseth's car.

Kenseth was a true contender for the championship; Vickers' display of moral turpitude was detrimental to Kenseth's attempt when he, himself, had almost nothing to gain. He was several laps down and had no chance at even a top 10 when he finally crossed the finish line.

Vickers was the cause of no less than six cautions. He ended Jamie McMurray's day quickly for no real reason. It was no accident. When a driver gets accidentally spun, they hit the wall and perhaps a heavy plume of smoke wafts into the air.

These were not the facts of the case in the context of Mr. McMurray's collision. Despite all the loud clamor of more than 30 V8 engines, I attest, as God as my witness, that I heard Mr. McMurray's car hit the wall violently in the center of turns three and four. Mr. McMurray's car was so egregiously damaged that his battery fell out on the track. The physical evidence was plainly there for even a child's eye to see.

In a just, but perhaps ill-advised manner, Mr. McMurray sped around the track, sans battery, and tried to deliver swift retribution to Mr. Vickers. Unfortunately, he missed intentional collision under the yellow caution and drove his No.1 vehicle straight into the wall, causing further damage.

Jimmie Johnson was leading most of the final laps when, suddenly, due to the magnanimously nefarious efforts of Mr. Vickers, yet another caution was thrown. Upon restart, Tony Stewart, through no fault of his own, was able to grab the checkered flag. A victory was stolen from Mr. Johnson through aggressive measures unrelated to anything other than hubris, otherwise known as excessive pride, on the part of Mr. Vickers.

These are the facts of the case and they are undisputed.

Your sentence, Mr. Vickers, will be carried out in Texas next Sunday. You will not know from whence the executioner's blow may come. Just know that it is coming, Texas-style. May God have mercy on your soul.

These were the judge's final words to Mr. Vickers in the sentencing phase of the trial:

“It is ordered that you be wrecked by a willing driver, that that car smash into yours until your vehicle cannot move forward. Take care of yourself, young man. I say that to you sincerely; take care of yourself, please.

It is an utter tragedy for this court to see such a total display of aggression as I've experienced in this courtroom. You're a bright young man. You'd have made a great Sprint Cup driver, and I would have loved to have you drive for me, but you went another way, partner."