Harsh Realities of the College Football Season

In a sport that can be as physically and emotionally fragile as college football, there always comes a time in which somebody has to break bad news to the masses. It’s never an easy task, but eventually the band-aid must get ripped off and truths must be faced. We’re now officially through nine weeks of the 2011 season and the time feels right to examine the harsh realities of college football:

• The race for worst good team is tighter than ever and could be decided November 12^th when Nebraska travels to Happy Valley to take on Penn State. I’m hearing rumblings that the new rivalry will be played for the Anny Hathaway Cup.

• Michigan has hit their absolute ceiling with Denard Robinson – good enough to beat teams with fatal flaws, not good enough to feel any sense of confidence on the road against a decent team. Eight home games (!) masks this quite nicely.

• Houston QB Case Keenum has zero regard for the efforts of your pass rush and/or secondary, Conference USA. He starts out amused, but ultimately grows insulted at your attempts to slow him down.

• BYU going independent has completely changed how everyone looks at occasional Friday night boredom. The Cougars had a single shot at relevance with an opportunity to beat an average Texas team on the road September 10^th and blew it. They’re like Notre Dame, but less fun to watch/mock. Thanks for nothing, Provo.

• Michigan State has nobody left on their schedule and their defensive line seems upset after Saturday’s showing in Lincoln. The bad news here is for the gaggle of lambs left on the Spartans’ schedule.

• Florida State will probably go 9-3 and get 2012 oddsmakers and preview magazine publishers irrationally excited. We all suffer when this happens.

• Oregon (only) scored 28 offensive points and did so with an erratic, beat-up QB (in the first half), an erratic, beat-up starting RB (all game) and managed to beat an OK team in relatively comfortable fashion. This is either worrisome for the rest of Oregon’s schedule or worrisome for Duck fans, who, short of the play of freshman RB/WR De’Anthony Thomas played a game far below recent standards. Even I’m confused.

• Illinois fans, Ron Zook is still your coach and you could very well lose five games in a row. With Michigan and Wisconsin arriving shortly, it already feels like an extended Zooktober. My sympathies.

• Eric LeGrand is the coolest. This has nothing to do with any overarching column theme, he’s just awesome.

• Kirk Ferentz and Iowa have now lost consecutive games to Minnesota. Nothing I could write here could be any more devastating than the above sentence.

• Even Robert Griffin III and his considerable cyborg abilities are unable to prevent Baylor from eventually becoming Baylor every now and again. They’ll still beat Texas in early December, but what’s the fun in that anymore?

• Oklahoma QB Landry Jones and his endless army of receivers seemed angry and particularly agile yesterday in Manhattan, KS. The bad news here is for Kansas State, who now get to visit Oklahoma State’s Brandon Weeden, Justin Blackmon, and Joseph Randle as a follow-up act. I’m sure they’ll understand how sensitive this time can be for KSU and at least make sure the visiting sideline is properly stocked with warm chocolate chip cookies.

• “After four nice wins in a row, you really have to like the momentum Notre Dame has going into the Stanford game” is the dumbest thing you’ll hear in late November. Just giving you an early heads up.

• As much as it’s fun to watch Georgia play here and there, it’s impossible to know anything about a defense after they have the pleasure of lining up against whatever it is Florida does (or doesn’t do) offensively. In the spirit of the Anne Hathaway Cup, the Bulldogs could run away with the distinct honor of being the nation’s best average team, which comes with the shiny new Emma Stone Trophy.

• Texas finishes the season with five teams that, at the very least, have been decidedly decent at certain points this fall. I’m not sure what this means, but Texas QB David Ash against decidedly decent defenses feels like a 50/50 shot for good or bad news for Longhorn fans.

• We’re still a month out, but thanks to a Mountain West-y Pac-12 South (and USC’s postseason ineligibility), the Pac-12 Championship game will almost be as exciting as whatever else happens to be on TV at that exact moment. And I’m taking into account the very real possibility of terrible infomercials and a rerun of Pan Am airing concurrently.

• Wisconsin’s a lot better when they play against teams that never have a ranking before the school’s name on the scoreboard. Easier that way, I guess.

• Just you watch, Virginia Tech is determined to prevent anyone from caring about the ACC race. They’ll end up with the conference crown, penciled into the Orange Bowl, and people will make jokes about empty BCS seats in Miami. Thanks for nothing, Hokies.

• Unless Texas A&M can successfully petition the Big 12 to let them execute a coaching line change in which a new coaching staff jumps onto the field from the first row and replaces Mike Sherman and staff at halftime, they’ll continue to mercilessly terrorize innocent College Station Bros. Poor, poor CSBs. I’m sure it’ll only get better in the SEC.

• Saturday’s LSU/Alabama game has become over-the-top important to the point that SEC games in the weeks to follow will all feel weirdly anti-climactic. Other than LSU/Arkansas and maybe the Iron Bowl, there’s a good chance even Verne Lundquist might just quit uncomfortably selling Gary Danielson’s jokes.

“What’s the point anymore, Gary? What’s the point?”

Dan Rubenstein co-hosts The Solid Verbal college football podcast and can be   followed on Twitter here.