What the Curtis Painter Era Tells Us About Today's NFL

Curtis Painter is not the answer for the Indianapolis Colts, nor was he ever intended to be. Painter was a warm body, a semi-competent guy that could hold down the roster spot behind one of the greatest and most durable players in the game, Peyton Manning.

Painter was a patsy, a veritable Gerald Ford to Manning’s Nixon, if you will. The only reason that the Purdue product was in line for the starting job was because there was never meant to be a line.

But now there is.

Fresh off a heartbreaking loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers at home, the Colts have announced that Peyton The Conqueror will not be playing this season. At all. And with the suspicion that Kerry Collins falls within the NFL’s new head trauma protocol, Painter finds himself in the one place where nobody in the organization wanted him to be.

Under center.

I’m really at a loss; other than Painter’s present predicament, nothing about the dude is interesting. How could any columnist get 800 words out of this guy, other than “Yeah, he kinda looks like that douche from Spaceballs?"

This is how we’d feel about a properly-groomed Kyle Orton. I suppose we could summarize him as your typical Big Ten quarterback, who played great in college but couldn’t turn the corner in the pros, but he wasn’t even that great in college. He had one big game (yep, against Indiana) and got hurt a lot. Noting Painter’s injury-free status while on the Colts' bench might seem like twisting the knife.

Oh well.

Painter is not ready to play in the NFL. Period. If the guy threw his girlfriend down a flight of stairs, Troy Polamalu would catch her. And it's not his fault that he hasn't had the regular-season reps in practice or games. Peyton Manning was so efficient in 2010 that Painter didn't see the field at all during the regular season.

Few could have been more satisfied with that “performance” than the detractors of Colts wideout Reggie Wayne, who was openly critical of his organization when Collins was brought in as the presumptive starter during the preseason. Even as Wayne ran his routes and watched Collins throw balls over his head on Sunday, Wayne appeared irritated with his quarterback. Surely, Wayne was far less pleased by Painter, who completed five of 11 passes, at least partially by accident.

I come neither to bury nor to praise Painter, but only to point out that he sucks bad enough at his job at this particular moment in the season that the Colts—who, let’s not forget, are already 0-3 on the season—have a legitimate decision to consider in the event Collins can’t suit up on Monday night in Tampa. Either the Colts will scour the waivers and bring in the Uncle Ricos of the world for a shot at the starting job, or they will stand pat with Painter. Since Painter really is the Colts' last quarterback, Indy will have to bring someone else in regardless.

A move for Jim Sorgi—Peyton's last backup—is definitely in play. Sorgi actually switched Mannings when he left Indianapolis in 2010 for the New York Giants and Eli Manning, but he is now a free agent. Though Sorgi also has seen very little field time, his experience with the offense might make him an attractive option.

But let's not forget that the Colts already have tried both of these moves, which is why the team finds itself in such disarray. Indianapolis is very much a snake without a head, and even with amazing performances like we saw from Dwight Freeney and the Colts' defense last night, this team cannot win without a quarterback.

Of course, this isn't the first time that the Colts haven't had a quarterback; the team's early years in Indianapolis were plagued with inconsistency under center. Before the start of Peyton's amazing consecutive-starts streak, it was Jim Harbaugh leading the Colts to the AFC championship game in 1996. That team's conqueror? The Pittsburgh Steelers. Harbaugh, now the head coach of the San Francisco 49ers, seems to have solved his organization's signal-calling woes with Alex Smith, as his team sits atop the NFC West.

Playing quarterback in the NFL is hard, and those interested in winning must procure the services of a player capable of the trade—and pay handsomely for it. That's why Peyton Manning was so well-paid, and why his team remains in such utter disarray without him.