UFC 91 and My Irrelevant Impressions (Humor)

Well, I had decided to let the kids on this site have some fun and I was not going to write an article, but I am weak with a fever and decided I needed some fun too.

My impressions are so varied I hardly know where to begin.

Ah! With my favorite subject Georges St. Pierre!

There was a prolonged shot of GSP looking handsome and well dressed, that almost caused me to have whip lash. Although I watched him intently, I could not, to my great dismay, tell what he mouthed to the camera. Drat! I wish I weren't so nosey.

Of course this sent me into a daydream about what an honor it would be to apply Vaseline to his well chiseled face before his upcoming Penn fight. This thought went on way too long, as would the application, were I the one doing it and that would probably cause him no small amount of distress in reality.

Another totally irrelevant thought was how handsome Anderson Silva looked at ringside in the loveliest shade of pink I have ever seen. Why on earth did it take so long for "real men" to wear pink when it does so much for their complexion's?

It is a color, for Pete's sake and not a reference to a man's sexual preference. (I hope BJ Penn reads this as the nutcase appears to be extremely homophobic, poor boy! How does he get through the day being so anxious about everyone else?).

Speaking of BJ's homophobia, I wonder what his reaction to the two in-the-ring lip locks between Demian Maia and Nate Quary? Will he post pictures on his site or have a song about them? No, Georges is his obsession now which makes me wonder about BJ's sexuality.

How awful for him if he hasn't been able to come through for his ladies since Georges beat him at UFC 58. The way he has been so focused on "wanting Georges" I am beginning to suspect he has some issues in his closet.

50 cents (or is it fiddy cents? I can never tell), was interviewed at ringside by Joe Rogan giving me new insight to what happens when you hand an idiot a microphone. Now I have come to the conclusion that rap stars, like children, should be seen and not heard. I am not exempting "Fiddy's" rap songs from that either.

Wanderlei Silva has the most charming smile. Both he and Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira are wonderfully handsome when they smile. How can they be such frightening monsters in the octagon? I guess we shall soon see considering their upcoming fights.

BJ Penn got camera time too, of course, and I wonder why his mother only put a button on his right cheek? Oh well, he would still resemble the Pillsbury dough-boy, though with a more evenly baked color. Can you even imagine if he was as pale as  Martin Kampman? Wow, BJ would be a double for Casper the Ghost, friendly or not.

When Kenny Florian called BJ out from the ring after his win and mentioned, "BJ Penn, I consider you a master. And it is time to kill the master." I wanted to hug Ken-Flo for his eloquence! What a guy. Can't wait until BJ can no longer dodge the bullet and has to defend his throne, um, I meant "title." (Georges, soften BJ up for Kenny, who like you is a nice guy and unafraid to wear good suits in public.

Mark DellaGrotti talks like Matt Serra and I like it! (I like his coaching too. He had a very busy night).

Apparently Joe Rogan and Mike Goldberg must have been pressed into service to coin new wrestling terms, such as: the "smell my butt" move, and "the fence was Jeremy Stephen's friend." Wow, they are really under a lot of pressure to come up with such gems.

Pre-fight, I would have chosen to be hanging out in Randy's locker room where the mood was calm and congenial before the fight. Kim Couture looked fabulous and was wearing the most beautiful, over-sized cross necklace I have ever seen!

I truly feared for the camera man who took the picture of Brock Lesner's deserted locker room. Brock glowered and paced looking most unwelcoming to any intrusion. He must be very tightly strung with possible explosive anger problems, thus the empty room.

Dana did not take up a lot of "gloat time" after the title fight. Hm! Could he have finally realized his shame? Probably not. He was just busy counting the proceeds in his head.

Brock must have a new agent who schooled him in the etiquette of beating an American legend, as he was gracious in victory—a first for him, I imagine.

And my final conclusion?

If Brock Lesner and/or BJ Penn walked on water, I would still shun them.