College Football: The Worst Head Coaching Jobs Imaginable

The 10 Worst Head Coaching Jobs in the Country

10. Boise State

It is hard enough getting players to commit to four or five years of Hell, a.k.a Boise, Idaho.

Not only does Boise State have to convince some of the most off-the-radar athlete talent in the West Coast to spend a half-decade in one of the armpits of America, but they have to convince them to risk eyesight to play on a blue field.

Most of your games are on Tuesdays and Thursdays, days during yesteryear reserved for PTA meetings rather than meaningless college football games bought by Bristol—the nation’s capital of college football.

Boise State made the biggest mistake it could make by moving from a conference on Bristol’s dime to a conference that has its own television network—which nobody watches—and no contract with the nation’s capital of college football.

Boise State’s BCS days are over. 

9. Oregon

Eugene, Oregon? Really?

Chip Kelly, who has evidently paid some serious coin to recruit some blue-chip athletes from the Lone Star State, is in over his head. The fans demand greatness despite your program being owned by a shoe company.

If I hear somebody else say Oregon’s football uniforms “are a celebration of minority culture,” I will hurl into the nearest bucket. Fact is, from a uniform buff, Oregon’s uniforms are ridiculously ugly. Ugly ducklings.

Lache Seastrunk could be a gem for this program, but at what cost?

Dirty, Dirty, Dirty Ducks.

8. Oklahoma State

If there was ever a coach born and bred to serve the outrageous fans in Stillwater, Mike Gundy fits the bill.

Oklahoma State can now be a better paper tiger despite being Oklahoma’s orange-headed stepchild since football was invented.

The Cowboys had the greatest running back who ever lived, and that’s it.

If you want a character reference, I covered wide receiver Justin Blackmon personally for MaxPreps.com. He was the best wide receiver these eyes have ever seen, just like the best hoops player I covered was Blake Griffin. 

Oklahoma State will always be second in Oklahoma. Just the way of life. Get used to it. 

7. Michigan

The biggest paper tiger of them all: Not only are you expected to steal Ohio and Pennsylvania talent from Ohio State and Penn State, you are expected to win 11 games a year doing it.

Michigan fans are so ridiculous that they ran Lloyd Carr out of town because of losing to a better football team in just what so happened to be the launch of the Big Ten Network, a loss to Football Championship Division juggernaut Appalachian State.

Think the economics from the ridiculous stringent Michigan academic requirements bit Michigan in the Wolverine ass in this occasion? Michigan took some serious dough to throw that game.

Prove me wrong.

6. Auburn

You have to pay serious money to beat Alabama in the state of Alabama, a.k.a Cam Newton. 

We all know what’s down the pike, a vacated BCS Championship. The Bowl Cow Sh*t Championship is a complete joke, as is its deal with the devil—the first major American sports championship to be available exclusively on cable television.

Newton was bought and paid for, Southeastern Conference style. If you were to investigate all 12 SEC programs, a conference that the Mothership has lauded as the best since sliced bread for well over a decade now, all of them would come up dirty.

That’s factual. Again, prove me wrong.

5. Notre Dame

Not only are you expected to win with white Catholic America, you are expected to do so honestly in a culture of fans and alums who are living in the Four Horsemen era.

Notre Dame cannot recruit the talent it needs to succeed in the inner-city because it refuses to relax itself on mythical academic standards meant for pre-billion-dollar-era college football. Remember when Notre Dame’s home games were repeated on Sunday mornings? 

I sure remember that. And I hate Notre Dame with every fiber of my being.

You could bring in Touchdown Jesus to run the program, and the Fighting Irish would be lucky to finish 8-4. Just the way it is.

Join a conference already and stop living on what took place three decades ago.

4. Oklahoma

Every successful head coach in Norman has cheated, factual.

That’s what needs to be done in order to attract high-priced talent away from Texas, away from Texas and Texas A&M. 

Every once in awhile, they will hit the jackpot (i.e. Billy Sims, Adrian Peterson), along with homegrown gems that play beyond their years of the logo on the helmet, football as it was intended to be at its purest (i.e. Sam Bradford, LeRoy Selmon, etc.).

For as many Oklahoma standouts that are bought and paid for, as many Oklahoma kids are involved for nothing.

Barry Switzer was an innovator and an amazing college football personality. If he were to run the wishbone today, it would be just as successful as in 1974 and 1985. 

3. Nebraska

Good luck attracting talent to Lincoln, Nebraska. You either love it or you hate it.

Hopefully when highly-touted recruits visit Lincoln, it is above freezing. 

Nebraska fans demand 13-0 every single year. They were spoiled by Bob Devaney and Tom Osborne and expect to win every single game.

Not possible. Not in the pay-for-play era in college football. Nebraska can’t pay enough to compete with USC, Florida and other high-profile destinations.

They rely on hard work and walk-ons plucked from the cornfields of Nebraska in order to compete. Nebraska can be a nice 10-win-per-season team again, but would be a lot better if Bo Pelini could actually coach worth a salt.

Sorry. Used to bleed scarlet, but it is what it is. Scott grew up.

2. Ohio State

If you want to talk about the worst college football fans in the country, look no further than Ohio. No wonder why Ohio’s professional sports teams suck so bad...they demand things that are not possible.

When you have a basketball player hand-picked from the basketball gods to be the best player that ever laced up sneakers and not even HE wants to live in Ohio, something is seriously wrong with your place. 

Could a franchise moving from your place with no titles, moving to a rival city then to follow it up with a first Super Bowl victory led by a murderer go any better?

Seriously. Wow.

I keep hearing Ohio kids can play football. Andy Katzenmoyer, Terrelle Pryor, Maurice Clarett...where do we stop?

Ted Ginn Jr.? Seriously? 

Ohio State—the paper champs. If you were to look up the word fraud in the dictionary, a nicely placed Buckeye helmet sticker ought to accompany the word.

The Buckeyes even have a homer-spewing puppet working in Bristol to pimp Ohio State's program as the best ever. It still doesn't work. 

1. Texas

Mack Brown is literally one season away from losing his job. Mack Brown is literally one season away from losing his job.

Thanks for winning our first national championship since the fraudulent paper champions of 1969, when that team refused to play against black players but won the national title.

Garrett Gilbert is a good talent, trust these eyes when he says that. Unfortunately, Gilbert was expected to be Peyton Manning from his first snap as a starter. 

It doesn’t work like that. True freshman running back Malcolm Brown is a freak and could run for 1,500 yards next season if the Longhorns remember how to block. 

Just because Texas' roster is filled with Rivals Babies (players that can’t play a lick but are great combine performers), it doesn’t mean they know how to play football.