Hulk Hogan Is Mr. America and the 15 Worst-Kept Secrets in Wrestling
One of the things that separates wrestling fans from all other sports fans is their need to know what's going to happen before it actually happens.
It's why news, rumor and spoiler sites, like the Wrestling Observer or PWInsider, are so popular, and why the IWC has something to write about day in and day out.
We love to talk (or type), predict and forecast the WWE future, because it's what makes the wrestling business so great.
But there are times when, perhaps, the age of the Internet helps backstage sources spoil the party for us.
Or, better yet, there are times when we can just tell what's going to happen on WWE programming before it ever does.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the 15 worst-kept secrets in wrestling!
15. Vince McMahon Hates Jim Ross
Do me a favor, and type "Jim Ross" into YouTube.
Then, watch four or five videos of the crap Vince McMahon has put Good Ole J.R. through over the years, and try not to feel bad for the guy.
See! I told you so!
14. Mr. Kennedy Was Set to Be Vince McMahon's Illegitimate Child
Who remembers the absolutely ridiculous angle from 2008 when it was revealed that Hornswoggle was Vince McMahon's illegitimate son?
That wasn't the original plan, as Mr. Kennedy, who actually claimed to be Vinny Mac's bastard child on air, was supposed to be McMahon's lovechild.
Of course, about 90 percent of the WWE audience seemed to know that, and plans changed so that Hornswoggle would be revealed as the latest member of the McMahon family.
Damn, that sucks for Kennedy...Kennedy.
13. Christian's Return
In early 2009, TNA's Dixie Carter let the world know that Christian was heading back to the WWE when she announced on Impact that he was "the first to jump back" to the company.
Of course, plenty of wrestling fans already knew for months that Christian was going back to his home turf. But Dixie completely let the cat out of the bag.
In the end, though, the WWE swerved us by having Christian return on ECW for an immediate title feud with Jack Swagger instead of the reported/rumored feud with Jeff Hardy.
Touche, WWE. At least we didn't know everything that was gonna happen.
12. Randy Orton Winning the 2009 Royal Rumble
It was reported for weeks (or even months) prior to the 2009 Royal Rumble that Randy Orton was the favorite and would likely win the match when it was all said and done.
That wasn't obvious enough, though.
Instead of having Orton's fellow Legacy members Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes get eliminated early on, the creative team decided to have Orton, DiBiase and Rhodes in the final six, which essentially solidified that Orton was winning.
I mean, it never hurts to keep us guessing, WWE.
11. Vince McMahon Pays Attention to TNA
When Vince McMahon is on his death bed, he'll probably still claim that he pays absolutely no attention to TNA.
But we all know he's lying.
If he didn't care about "the competition" (I've got it in quotes because TNA really isn't competition for WWE), then he wouldn't do things like bury workers who come from TNA (Gail Kim, Kaval, etc.) and he wouldn't freak out like he did when Chyna recently debuted for the company.
Yet, he did.
It's OK, Vince. We know that you know a hell of a lot more about TNA than you let on.
10. The Anonymous GM Is a Piece of Paper
The WWE is a huge, publicly traded company, so this next one really irks my nerves.
When Michael Cole reads the "emails" from Raw's anonymous general manager, he's actually reading them off of a piece of paper.
A. Piece. Of. Paper.
Change the camera angle, use an actual e-mail, just do something to make the company seem a little less bush league!
9. Randy Orton Kills Careers
Want to know why Mr. Kennedy was fired from the WWE? Ask Randy Orton.
Want to know why Kofi Kingtston's push in late 2009 was abruptly stopped? Ask Randy Orton.
Maybe instead of "The Legend Killer," they should have called him "The Career Killer."
Because that's what he does.
8. "The Streak" Is Not Going to End
Once the WWE started acknowledging The Undertaker's undefeated streak at Wrestlemania, I (like most others) assumed it would never end.
But once it hit 14-0 or so, we knew that "The Streak" would never end.
It's not a bad thing that we know that, it's just that, especially at the last three WrestleManias, the WWE has constantly played up the idea that The Undertaker's incredible streak would come to a crashing halt.
Clearly, that's not happening. Your secret is safe with us.
7. Chris Jericho's Return
When Chris Jericho was set to return to the WWE in 2007, the company began airing mysterious Matrix-like vignettes to hype his comeback.
The first video was well done, and it at least had some of us still guessing who was behind it.
But as we watched more videos, it was blatantly obvious that it was Jericho who was coming back.
And, at the end, the WWE completely gave up. With the final video, the WWE essentially told us, "Hey, it's Jericho!"
6. Hulk Hogan Is Mr. America
In 2003, an agitated Vince McMahon wanted Hulkamania to end for good, so he forced Hulk Hogan to sit out the remainder of his WWE contract.
Well, shortly thereafter, vignettes began airing for a character known as "Mr. America," who quite obviously was Hogan in disguise.
Failing to recognize that Hogan was behind the Mr. America character is equivalent to seeing your friend wear sunglasses and failing to recognize who he is.
I have to wonder if anyone above the age of four thought Mr. America was someone other than the Hulkster.
5. Tag Teams and Divas Don't Matter
If the WWE was a family, then both tag teams and the Divas would be the middle child, the forgotten one, the lost cause.
Never in my life have I seen a wrestling promotion put so little emphasis on tag team and women's wrestling over such an extended period of time.
Tag teams are essentially nonexistent, and the Divas get about five total minutes of in-ring action per week.
At this point, I'm beginning to think that everyone in the WWE even realizes that the secret is out: women and tag teams don't matter much, if at all.
4. Goldberg and Brock Lesnar Were Leaving WWE After WrestleMania 20
At WrestleMania 20, Goldberg faced Brock Lesnar in a dream matchup that should have been one of the more hyped bouts in the event's history.
Instead, everyone knew that Goldberg was leaving the WWE because he was unhappy with his position in the company and his contract was expiring.
And everyone knew that this would be Lesnar's last match in the WWE because he was bolting to chase his NFL dream.
As a result, the WWE made Stone Cold Steve Austin the guest referee, and none of the fans in attendance at WrestleMania 20 really gave a crap about the match.
Austin was the one who was cheered, while Goldberg and Lesnar were greeted with the infamous "Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye!" chant.
3. Some Wrestlers Use Steroids
The title says it all: Some wrestlers use steroids.
Stop trying to pretend like that isn't the case, because we all know that the Wellness Policy has loopholes that allow wrestlers to hit the needle without fear of suspension or termination.
2. Triple H and Stephanie McMahon Are Married
Everyone knew it.
You knew it, I knew it, even the 85-year-old neighbor who's never heard of the WWF/E knew it: Triple H and Stephanie McMahon are actually married in real life!
But the WWE (although it had some vague and not-so-vague references to the marriage throughout the years) didn't officially acknowledge that Triple H was hooking up with his boss's daughter until Feb. 20, 2009.
This is just a hunch, but I think we knew a couple years or so before that. Maybe.
1. Vince McMahon Loves Big Guys
Bobby Lashley, The Great Khali, Vladimir Kozlov, Ezekiel Jackson, Mason Ryan, Mike Knox, Snitsky, Chris Masters, Batista, Goldberg, Brock Lesnar....I'm tired of typing.
The point is, Vince McMahon has an unhealthy obsession with pushing massive wrestlers, or at least giving some of them jobs when they have no charisma, wrestling ability or both.
I get it...Vince likes it big.
Just don't give Rey Mysterio a title reign every four years as a way of pretending like you don't.