Helping Vince McMahon: Who Should WWE Let Go?
Well, it's been 6 months since my last (and first) article, so I need to shake off some rust–therefore I will try and hold back on the sarcasm. Here's the link to my first article if you're interested... it was titled "10 Things You Should Have Learned From Watching WWE as a Kid":
*WARNING*
The following article is lengthy and probably boring at some points. It might take like 20 minutes to read. There is some pretty serious stuff mixed with some not so serious stuff.
Anyways, here we go...
It is expected that Vince McMahon will soon kill some dreams by releasing a few superstars.
While it's never set in stone who will get axed, it is always fun to speculate...after all, 90% of the fun in following WWE is trying to predict what will happen!
I just got back from the doctor, so I will "diagnose" each superstar based on how likely they are to survive in 2011.
Due to the large amount of superstars, some will be lumped together to cut down on slide #'s. Superstars will be categorized as healthy, on life support, dead weight, or the like. This article will deal with mostly Raw superstars. If I get some positive feedback, I'll continue with Smackdown and Women's divisions at a future date.
In the spirit of the medical profession, I will also try and suggest some storyline "antidotes" to help revive their careers (unless they are terminal, of course!)
Alex Riley
1 of 19
Category: Healthy
Job Security: 70% secure
Strengths: Good look, good mic skills.
Problems: Not much of a unique personality, not standout in any particular category...just "average" all around. Glass-jaw syndrome (going down for the count after 1 hit during promos).
Cures: Toughen up, strengthen character.
Suggestions: Stop carrying around that stupid briefcase!
Doctor's Notes: Anybody else thinks he kinda looks like that dude Crixus from the revamp of Spartacus? As long as the Miz is around, I see good things happening for Alex Riley. Will he make it on his own once they inevitably split? Honestly, I don't think so, but his job is safe for the immediate future.
CM Punk
2 of 19
Category: Extremely Healthy
Job Security: 99.9%
Strengths: Virtually Everything
Problems: Bleeds a lot on TV when he's not supposed to (bloody mouth, broken nose, cuts, etc.).
Cures: None
Suggestions: Kick Randall Keith Orton in the skull! Bring more unity in the Nexus. He needs to show us that he can be an effective leader and start winning some feuds.
Doctor's Notes: Punk is good stuff. He's one of those guys where I go "WTF!?" when he's not on Raw (like this week...WTF?!) Not much else to say. After the main event on Raw this week, after Miz was like "Without you two (pointing at Cena and Truth after double DQ) there's nobody else that can challenge me for the WWE Championship!" I wanted to hear Punk's music so bad! I guess it made too much sense for WWE creative. Major letdown there. He and the Nexus need to get into another feud pronto.
Cody Rhodes
3 of 19
Category: Very Healthy
Job Security: 90%
Strengths: Charismatic, good mic skills, good wrestling skills. Son of a legend, brother of a...hmm...well, unique veteran wrestler.
Problems: His current storyline is in limbo.
Cures: None
Suggested Storyline: Cody is about to enter the prime of his career and has all the makings of a top draw...so I thought a little more in-depth regarding Cody.
One of my favorite TV shows of the past was Nip/Tuck (the early seasons). In this show there was a serial rapist named "The Carver" who raped his victims, then disfigured their faces. His motto was "beauty is a curse on the world". I think Cody should consider going this route instead of playing the victim card. He should take out his frustrations via violence rather then feeling sorry for himself (DON'T DO THIS IN REAL LIFE!).
First, he can give a nice promo thanking Rey Mysterio for breaking his face. It made him realize he was blinded by superficiality and that beauty is a curse. He can go on to say people who distort their true image with plastic surgery, make up, etc. make him sick. For maximum effect, he should deliver this promo in my home city of Los Angeles...since most people think we're superficial airheads. Make him say "If I can't be beautiful, then nobody can be beautiful" or something to that effect.
Next, he needs to brutally beat up a guy who thinks he's gods gift to women (Dolph Ziggler? Lucky Cannon?) in a backstage brawl. Just as he's about to disfigure them with a crowbar or something, Face-X (Big Show, Rey Mysterio, Christian...) saves them and Cody scampers off into the shadows. Maybe the attack is so vicious they kayfabe arrest him or something.
Then a week later, big-bro Goldust confronts Cody. He has a serious sit-down with Cody and explains that people have been thinking Goldust was a freak for the past 15 years (I think he has the acting chops to pull this off). He goes on to say that Cody should be proud of who he is and be true to himself (yes, it's sappy, but it's sending a good message to the kids and young adults). Then, Cody turns face and tag teams with either Goldust or Rey Mysterio. He goes back to his old song and during each entrance, he hands out cheap plastic mirrors to little kids and says "you're dashing" to each one. I think he can be the next John Cena if he can pull this off.
Dead Weight
4 of 19
Here's the first round of some dead weight. I expect these guys to be gone in the next few months.
David Hart Smith:
Date of Career Death: whenever he lost the tag team belt.
Chance of Surviving 2011: 5%
Epitaph: Stayed too long because of family ties, Hart Dynasty split so my career now dies.
Great Khali:
Date of Career Death: Unforgiven 2007 (lost belt to Batista, became Punjabi Playboy)
Chance of Surviving 2011: 10%
Epitaph: My mic abilities certainly were lacking, but it was my awful wrestling that sent me packing.
The Uso's:
Date of Career Death: Career never started.
Chance of Surviving 2011: 5%
Epitaph: The tag team division is dead so we never had a chance, our careers ended faster than Germany went through France.
The Rest of Nexus
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David Otunga
Category: Healthy
Job Security: 60% Secure
Strengths: His character. He was the Starscream to Barrett's Megatron. Everybody loves a good power struggle.
Problems: Bad Wrestler
Cures: Focus on his strengths (decent mic ability, good look)
Suggestions: Initiate a failed coup against the Nexus and turn face. Fans tend to let your lack of wrestling ability slide if face... see: Cena, John.
Doctor's Notes: I'm sure I wasn't the only one who liked the friction between Otunga and Barrett in the Old Nexus. I think his job is secure for now, but like Alex Riley, once his gimmick is up, he has a large uphill battle to fight.
Husky Harris
Category: Healthy
Job Security: 60% Secure
Strengths: Unique body type. Very young and impressionable, can be molded to Vince's will.
Problems: Mic Ability, non-credible finisher.
Cures: Find his voice.
Suggestions: Use the Rotunda last name to his advantage, form a tag team with his brother. Kill Brodus Clay–it's either you or him...only 1 athletic fat guy is allowed (or they need to form a tag team like the Natural Disasters in the early 90's!).
Doctor's Notes: Harris' long term prospects don't look too good. He's not marketable, and his in-ring ability isn't that great...yet. Still, I can see his character dying in 2-3 years only to return as somebody else.
Mason Ryan
Category: Terminal
Job Security: 10% Secure
Strengths: None
Problems: No wresting ability, No mic ability
Cures: None
Suggestions: Enjoy it while it lasts!
Doctor's Notes: This guy would be dead weight if he weren't part of the Nexus. Zero future prospects. I think both Ryan and WWE know this so it won't be too ugly when they let him go. I will be surprised if he's still around after Survivor Series.
Michael McGillicutty
Category: Beginning to circle the drain
Job Security: 55% Secure
Strengths: Probably the best wrestler in the New Nexus. Son of Mr. Perfect.
Problems: Has cronie status in the New Nexus. Has a ridiculous name. Sub-par mic skills.
Cures: Work on the personality, everything else is there.
Suggestions: When Nexus breaks up, for God's sake, change your name!
Doctor's Notes: On one hand, it's admirable he isn't trying to follow directly in his father's footsteps (see DiBiase Jr., Ted). On the other hand, his character is too generic which could be his downfall if he doesn't shape up by the time Nexus breaks.
Michael Tarver
Category: Terminal
Job Security: 5% Secure
Strengths: I like his striker style, good look about him. Has an ounce more personality than the other cronies in the old Nexus (other than Otunga).
Problems: Little mat wrestling ability, no mic skills.
Cures: Learn how to wrestle, improve his character.
Suggestions: Start looking at TNA.
Doctor's Notes: He's done. No chance to revamp his career with WWE. Injury prone. Titus O'Neill will take his job.
Skip Sheffield
Category: Terminal
Job Security: 5% Secure
Strengths: Strong powerhouse type which usually does well in WWE.
Problems: Meathead, injury prone.
Cures: None
Suggestions: Start looking at TNA
Doctor's Notes: Same thing with Tarver. They could have been something, but got injured when they were in the limelight. To quote Terry Malloy, "I coulda been somebody! I coulda been a contender!" Yeah, you could have Tarver and Sheffield, but it's over now.
Dolph Ziggler
6 of 19
Category: Very Healthy.
Job Security: 95%
Strengths: Very athletic. Knows how to tell a story during a match. Has been a lock for an excellent match during most of the last dozen PPV's. Doesn't get injured often.
Problems: Vickie attracts more heat than Dolph, which is bad because he's the talent. Too much of a passive character.
Cures: Work on mic skills so he can shed Vickie. Toughen up.
Suggestions: Challenge John Morrison to a match at Extreme Rules.
Doctor's Notes: Ziggler is very good. The only thing keeping him from main event status is his mic ability. I also think his character needs to toughen up. For example, on Raw a few months ago John Cena and Jerry Lawler were launching an all out insult-assault on Vickie. Instead of kicking some butt, Dolph responds in his Troy Polamalu-esque voice "Come on guys. You don't know what true love is. It doesn't matter what she looks like on the outside, she's beautiful on the inside. Blah blah blah..." Instead, Dolph should of said, "How about I make you two fall in love with a hospital bed?" I know it's cheesy, but it is more befitting a heel to say something like that. Anyways, he's still be here 3-4 years down the road.
Sin Cara
7 of 19
Category: Beginning to Circle the Drain
Job Security: 70%
Strengths: Unique fighting style.
Problems: No personality. Due to his style, one injury can potentially end his career...especially something like a knee injury. High flyers don't have much shelf-life in the WWE.
Cures: Start cutting some promos or hire an interpreter to speak for him.
Suggestions: Replace Kofi Kingston as one of the four who are battling the Corre. Kofi needs to be pushed in singles competition while Sin Cara can have a good feud with Justin Gabriel.
Doctor's Notes: Please don't continue feuding with Sheamus! This will lead to one of the two being permanently buried. Anyways, Sin Cara's status is shockingly "circling the drain" for several reasons: First he is being booked wrong. WWE is all about glorifying the individual, which is why it is a mistake to name a guy "faceless one". Second, since his mask lacks a mouth-hole, I'm guessing he won't do any talking. This is WWE suicide. There hasn't been ANYBODY who has had success in the WWE without speaking (except old-school Kane, but he debuted in the middle of a very strong story with the Undertaker). Those who did little speaking had managers. WWE needs to protect their investment by hiring a manager or at least a translator to give Sin Cara some more personality. Third, his entrance needs an upgrade. For such an energetic guy, he needs more pyro to get us pumped; not just when he's jumping into the ring, but before. He also needs more upbeat music. His current music belongs in a cheap video game. Lastly, is the sad fact that high flyers don't last long in the WWE. Think Tajiri, Taka Michinoku, any of the Mexicools, Kaval, etc. The only guys I remember that made it were X-Pac and Rey Mysterio...whom I think succeeded due to their decent mic skills (and they spoke English!) I love watching WWE become more international, but they need to start booking people right.
Other High Flyers
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I grouped these people together (except Rey Mysterio) because they all have the same problem: If you're under 200 pounds, you won't make it. Although all of these guys are more exciting and more talented than say, the Miz, their careers are in jeopardy. In my opinion, there are only two ways of saving these lightweights' careers.
First, is to book the lightweights stronger and have them go toe to toe with the big boys...people like Kane, Big Show, etc. on a frequent basis. This option will come at a huge loss of credibility for said superstars, so I don't think this option is realistic.
Second, is to create a cruiserweight belt and let these guys go at it. This is the practical answer. This division has come and gone in the past due to lack of talent, but there are just too many small guys these days who are sitting idly. PPV's have been ending 15 minutes earlier than they're supposed to...why not have a new division, make a new belt, add a good 10 minutes to your showtime, and give deserving people some matches!
So in conclusion, a cruiserweight division is essential for the survival of these people (plus Sin Cara). It will also give an opportunity to rehire previously misused superstars like Kaval and MVP. Nonetheless, the following people are all categorized as "circling the drain"
Evan Bourne–Bourne is probably the most liked of the lightweights. He has a baby face look and is exciting to watch in the ring. Slightly injury prone. Very nice finisher.
Chances of survival with no lightweight division: 60%
Primo–One of the better heels in this division. Gifted wrestler and has a good personality. If a lightweight division is made, people like Primo can benefit the most by being heel and taking on people such as Evan Bourne. He's not really a high flyer, but he's undersized and can benefit from a lightweight division.
Chances of survival with no lightweight division: 20%
Tyson Kidd–Another probable heel if his division starts. I think Kidd is very athletic but has just "average" wrestling ability which is kind of shocking considering where he trained.
Chances of survival with no lightweight division: 20%
Yoshi Tatsu–He is over with the crowd but has in my opinion the worst theme song of anybody not named Ted DiBiase Jr. If he improves his English, he has the chance to be a real star.
Chances of survival with no lightweight division: 30% (slightly higher because it would be bad publicity to lay him off in light of the recent tragedies in Japan)
Justin Gabriel–He's not really that spectacular either. I'm sure anybody on this list can do a 450 splash just as well as he does. He has the look of a baby-face, even his "bad guy" beard can't hide it. Sadly, Gabriel might have the best mic skills out of all these guys...and Gabriel is pretty boring on the mic. Of course, he is in a pretty secure situation due to his involvement in the Corre.
Chances of survival with no lightweight division: 70%
Jerry Lawler
9 of 19
Category: Dying of Natural Causes (this is the best category–it means a legendary career is winding down and will end of the patients' terms)
Job Security: 100%
Strengths: Still has gas in the tank in his 60's! Golden voice. Loved by all (except Cole).
Problems: None
Cures: None
Suggestions: Challenge Cole to an "I quit" retirement match...and win!
Doctor's Notes: Jerry Lawler is a multi-generational figure. People in their 30's and 40's will remember Lawler as the babyface wrestler, my generation will remember him for his feuds with Bret Hart, Doink (sadly) and his heel commentary, while younger generations will remember him for his face commentary. He's done it all, the complete gamut, and will soon ride off into the sunset.
John Cena
10 of 19
Category: Extremely Healthy
Job Security: 99.9%
Strengths: Women and children love him. Good mic skills. Can still have a good career without holding a belt.
Problems: Men hate him. Move set is repetitive. Trying to do movies.
Cures: None
Suggestions: Bring back his old music! Bring back his old heel gimmick. Drop to the mid card for a while and let some of the younger guys get in the title hunt.
Doctor's Notes: Not much to say about Cena that hasn't been said in other articles. Love him or hate him, he's the face of the WWE.
John Morrison
11 of 19
Category: Healthy
Job Security: 90%
Strengths: Unique style. Good look. Over with the crowd. Steals the show at PPVs.
Problems: In the doghouse (unconfirmed). Could use additional traditional wrestling training.
Cures: Start kissing some butt backstage.
Suggestions: Go to Smackdown and challenge Wade Barrett for the IC Championship.
Doctor's Notes: The good thing about Morrison is that he can look like either a face or heel. What he lacks on the mic, he makes up for in spades with his showmanship. I don't think he's ready for the WWE Championship due to his lack of mic skills, but he needs to win a strap. Since he's already had a nice feud with Sheamus, I say he jumps ship to the blue brand and challenges Barrett.
Mark Henry
12 of 19
Category: Comatose
Job Security: 50%
Strengths: Uh....he's the world's strongest man! Seriously though, he gets a pretty good crowd reaction considering how sparingly he's used.
Problems: Getting kind of old. If the Corre breaks up, Ezekiel Jackson will make Henry obsolete. Non-credible finisher.
Cures: Find a new gimmick.
Suggestions: Form a tag team with somebody (Long Island Iced-Z, anybody?!) and challenge Slater and Gabriel for the belts.
Epitaph (if he's released this year): My character has gone stale–just a little bit bland, but it's hard to outdo Mae giving birth to a hand.
Doctor's Notes: I labelled Henry as "comatose" because I honestly don't know why he wasn't released 4-5 years ago. In other words, his career should be dead, but he's still sticking around...just like a coma! The only thing that is keeping me from classifying him as "dead weight" is the good crowd reaction he gets. Now, I've actually liked Henry throughout his career, but he doesn't bring that much the table these days...especially with a guy like Ezekiel Jackson hanging around. Maybe they're keeping him on board due to his loyalty to the company? I have no idea, which is why his job security is 50%.
The Miz
13 of 19
Category: Very Healthy
Job Security: 99.9%
Strengths: Charismatic, draws a lot of heat.
Problems: Needs some wrestling lessons.
Cures: Spend a few weekends at Arn Anderson's house and learn to wrestle.
Suggestions: None...he's at the top of the ladder right now.
Doctor's Notes: For whatever reason, The Miz currently sits atop the WWE throne. Everything is there for the Miz except...well, wrestling ability. He's like the inverse of Michael McGillicutty. But unlike personality and charisma, wrestling can be taught, which is why I think WWE is so high on Miz. I don't think Miz will stay main event material continuously throughout his career, however. He won't get buried like Swagger or Sheamus when he drops the belt, but perhaps he will join forces with Alex Riley and make a tag team run.
Randy Orton
14 of 19
Category: Very Healthy
Job Security: 99.9%
Strengths: Excellent in-ring ability. Able to turn face/heel on a dime and still maintain character continuity. Natural born leader.
Problems: Sleeve tattoos and gloomy character may make him unappealing to children (or the childrens' parents, who buy the merchandise). Too young to have as much backstage influence as he has.
Cures: None
Suggestions: Stay out of the title hunt for awhile, go to Smackdown and feud with del Rio or turn heel and feud with Christian.
Doctor's Notes: A lot of people criticize Orton for his lack of mic skills. I don't believe it. His speech is slow, deep and monotonous which is consistent with his character. Think about it this way, would somebody nicknamed "The Viper" benefit from a high-pitched voice, making lowbrow jokes ala Chris Jericho and saying catchphrases? I don't think so. He has the mic ability...just look at his Legend Killer days. He was good. The thing that bothers me about Orton is that he's pretty much on pace to become the greatest of all time. He's barely scraping 30 years old and has 6 WWE title reigns. He has a realistic shot of getting to Flair's 16-time record by the time he turns 40! Another thing that bothers me is the amount of influence he has backstage. It took guys like Arn Anderson and Sgt. Slaughter well into their 50's before they had the same influence Orton has. I'm sure Kofi Kingston will agree with me. Anyways, Orton is here to stay and will continue to add to his already Hall-of-Fame worthy career.
R-Truth
15 of 19
Category: Comatose
Job Security: 50%
Strengths: Good performer, over with the crowd. Puts on good matches.
Problems: Stale character, not in any feuds. Aging.
Cures: None
Suggestions: Heel turn? It's not like kids buy his merchandise.
Epitaph (if he's released this year): I needed something to get my career on track, but I didn't have the guts to stab Cena in the back.
Doctor's Notes: Just like Big Show, R-Truth seems to be one of those guys who is always in the title hunt but is never considered a true contender for the belt. I have diagnosed R-Truth as comatose because creative doesn't seem to have anything for him to do, yet he's still popular–so he's not dead weight. Sure, he's going to be in the title match at Extreme Rules, but does anybody think he'll walk away with the belt? WWE is notoriously anti-minority-holding-the-WWE-Championship so I don't think its possible. I think a much more realistic scenario is R-Truth costs Cena the title. Cena and Truth's friendship is well documented so it would be a nice turn of events to see a backstab. This could set off a nice feud that will keep Cena in a storyline while staying away from the title picture. If the backstab doesn't happen and either Miz or Cena win clean, Truth is done.
Santino Marella
16 of 19
Category: Beginning to Circle the Drain
Job Security: 55%
Strengths: Entertaining, niche performer, popular, decent in-ring ability
Problems: Gimmick beginning to get old, a lot of people think he's dumb. Non-credible finisher.
Cures: None
Suggestions: Drop the low IQ innocent guy look and act more stereotypical Italian...aka a mafioso gimmick.
Doctor's Notes: I think Santino is probably the 2nd most polarizing figure in the WWE behind Cena. People either buy into his cheesy antics or they hate them. Either way, I applaud his work ethic. When I think of Santino's current gimmick, I think of a guy who was sinking in quicksand, doomed to die, and with his last bit of energy thrust his hand out and magically grabbed Indiana Jones' lasso. This is honestly how close I thought he was to getting axed. You need to admire people who are willing to do anything to stay in the business.
Sheamus
17 of 19
Category: Healthy
Job Security: 90%
Strengths: Good look, big power brawler type which usually does well in the WWE. Good mic skills.
Problems: For a guy that's supposed to be evil, he doesn't draw that much heat.
Cures: Be more evil. Brogue kick Kelly Kelly or something.
Suggested Storyline: I am really big on Sheamus. He reminds me of big guys like Test and Psycho Sid. Was he pushed too far, too fast? Yes, but with a strong storyline, he can be a HUGE heel. In my opinion, he has it all. I have thought about this story for a while and even posted it in some of the comments of past articles.
As United States Champion, Sheamus goes on a rant about how the United States is the scum of the Earth. Then he renounces the U.S. Championship and renames it the "Emerald Isle Championship" he then proceeds to spray-paint the U.S. Championship green. Who saves the day? The all-American American. Sheamus and Swagger then have a feud which results in Swagger winning the belt and turning face. I think Swagger and Sheamus match up well and can have a really good feud.
Anyways, after he drops the belt, he forms an anti-American faction. Anti-American factions have always found success in the WWE. Whether it was Bret Hart and his faction, Test's Un-Americans, LaResistance, etc. they usually find success for awhile. So he teams up with other heels from abroad such as Drew McIntyre, Wade Barrett, Justin Gabriel, Ezekiel Jackson and maybe Alberto del Rio.
To oppose them are two mini-factions: American wrestlers and face-foreigner wrestlers. People like Yoshi Tatsu, Santino, Vladmir Kozlov, Kofi Kingston join with Americans like Swagger, Daniel Bryan, Evan Bourne, etc.
Mini-plotlines can include a power struggle between Sheamus who founded the party and Wade Barrett, who is an effective leader. Or even a struggle between Sheamus, Barrett, and McIntyre due to the English-Scottish-Irish rivalries of past.
Another possible storyline is to host a "World Cup of Wrestling" type event. This isn't a Sheamus-centric storyline, but it would still benefit Sheamus since he's the only guy from Ireland (Hornswoggle doesn't count). This concept reminds me of the Van Damme movie "The Quest". The World Cup of Wrestling can be designed in a similar fashion and Sheamus could play the role of the Mongolian guy.
Long story short, Sheamus is a good character than needs to fit into a year-long storyline instead of these 1-2 month "mini-feuds".
Ted DiBiase Jr.
18 of 19
Category: Gone into Cardiac Arrest! Bring the Defibrillators!
Job Security: 40%
Strengths: Son of a legend, pretty good in-ring ability.
Problems: Living in his fathers' image. No personality. AWFUL entrance music.
Cures: Gimmick change is a must.
Suggested Storyline: Contrary to most people, I think Ted has potential. He needs to kick his personality into a higher gear, but the look and just about everything else is there. I have also mentioned this potential storyline in various Ted DiBiase articles on here, and with a nod to today's crackdown on Internet gambling, I will mention it again.
So, I.R.S. turns out to be a secret agent for the FBI and busts Ted DiBiase Sr. for money laundering and tax evasion. Therefore, Jr's trust fund is seized and DiBiase must sell all of his expensive stuff just to stay afloat. Maryse leaves him (even though this just happened on NXT) and he is eventually evicted from his home. He's forced to live hood, which will give his character a little more depth. In the vein of Cody Rhodes and his "how to be dashing" vignettes, DiBiase can do some "living frugally" vignettes, telling people how to recycle properly, make cheap but healthy meals, cut down on gas by taking the bus, etc... This can set up a natural feud with Husky Harris, since his father is I.R.S.
There's just no way Ted DiBiase makes it through 2011 with the same gimmick. The above storyline will pretty much kill I.R.S. and DiBiase Sr.'s characters, but shouldn't the fathers be willing to fall on the sword for the continued success of their children? Ted is on some serious life support right now (Husky Harris, too, but to a lesser extent), and a new look is his only way out.
Until Next Time...
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Well, I'm pretty tired so I'll leave it there. I have a couple more Raw superstars such as Daniel Bryan and Vladimir Kozlov as well as SD and Divas to deal with, but that will come later.
I also need to finish my in-depth explanation of how Zack Ryder will take over the WWE by the year 2013. It's possible, and it WILL happen! Woo woo woo! You. Know. It.
Anyways, have a good weekend, and thanks for reading!
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