Humor: Nebraska Spring Football Practice Not Free, Not on TV

(Tom Osborne, telling disappointed BeeOneGee Network fans that they're stuck watching Purdue swimming and diving on the afternoon of April 16.)

Reporters for the Husker Hotwire have standards to meet when covering the team. Fortunately for those reporters, even horrendously low standards are still technically "standards," which allows the Hotwire to say it has "standards" and sound far more respectable than it likely has a right to claim.

So the Hotwire staff was more than a little disappointed at Nebraska Athletic Director Doctor Tom Osborne's announcement that April 16's Spring Practice Where They Keep Score And Charge Admission will not be televised on the BeeOneGee Network.

According to Doctor Tom Osborne (as printed in the Lincoln Journal-Star), NU will not be televising the event "probably because we think it would affect our attendance." Since 2004, the Spring Practice Where They Keep Score And Charge Admission has had the following attendance figures, according to huskers.com:

2004 - 61,417
2005 - 63,416
2006 - 57,415
2007 - 54,288
2008 - 80,149
2009 - 77,670

When not confronted by Real Journalists about the fact that the Spring Practice Where They Keep Score And Charge Admission has had empty seats available each year since 2004, and perhaps by not charging admission to a practice the university could increase attendance even further, Doctor Tom Osborne didn't say "well, yeah, but if we can squeeze an extra ten bucks out of our fans to watch a practice, we're going to. I mean, come on, it's not like we're going to make that extra money in basketball."

So, the Hotwire will now be forced to actually go to Lincoln on April 16 and shell out $10 (because we sure as heck aren't getting a press pass) to provide the kind of reporting loyal Hotwire readers expect. Or, we could just read the recap online and knock out a few paragraphs based on that. Have to maintain "standards," after all.

BEEONEGEE CONFERENCE UPDATE

With Nebraska's pending entrance into the B1G conference, the Hotwire has been working overtime to keep you abreast of the goings-on around the new conference. Gopher Hotwire is very excited to report that Minnesota officials may be allowing "limited" alcohol sales at TCF Bank Stadium, where the Gophers (and, in all likelihood, the Vikings) call home. Unfortunately, according to the Minnesota Star-Tribune, the Minnesota Senate's idea of "limited" means in areas the university calls "premium seating," which translates into English as "super-expensive seats for the obscenely wealthy who really don't pay much attention to the game, anyway."

The plan seems puzzling on a number of levels, but the most obvious is this: given Goldie's on-the-field performance last year, shouldn't they really be making alcohol consumption mandatory if someone is going to a UM football game?

AROUND THE HOTWIRE NETWORK

Gamecock Hotwire reports that South Carolina starting quarterback Stephen Garcia has been indefinitely suspended from the team. This suspension, his fifth as a Gamecock, might not go over so well with head coach Steve Spurrier, not exactly known for his patience with quarterbacks.

Wolfpack Hotwire might be looking for a real job soon, as reports from Reno raise troubling questions about whether Nevada will remain a Division I program by the time they move to the Mountain West conference in 2012.

Round Football Hotwire would remind college pigskin fans that no matter what ridiculous decision your team's higher-ups make, it will never be as embarrassing as Fulham's decision to put a statue of Michael Jackson outside their stadium, then tell fans who don't like it to "go to hell."

Can't get enough of the Hotwire? Follow us on Twitter @huskerhotwire and you'll get more! Maybe not a lot more, as we're kind of lazy, but at least a little more! You can see the original blog posting here.