Notre Dame Football 2011: Michigan State Spartans Should Be Charged With Fraud
The Michigan State Spartans finished the 2010 regular season with an 11-1 record, winning a share of the Big Ten title in more than impressive fashion. After years of mediocre football, MSU finally turned the corner in 2010, as Coach Mark Dantonio has established a dominant program that has proven it can beat anybody, anywhere, anytime.
For 2011, quarterback Kirk Cousins returns with a boatload of running backs and receivers that, barring injuries, should be virtually unstoppable. Knowledgeable sources predict that MSU may break every major college offensive single-season record in the book.
On the opposite side of the ball, the Spartan defense returns a core of players that is expected to decimate its opposition from day one and very likely will be regarded as one of the best in the nation before year end. Frankly, for 2011, a repeat of an 11-1 regular season is a modest goal for the MSU faithful.
Okay, I can’t take it anymore—my ribs hurt when I laugh like this.
Michigan State was the worst 11-2 team in the country last year and they may very well take the title again this year.
Except this year, there are four good reasons Notre Dame won't be participating in the fraud.
Reason No. 1: Michigan State Was Just Slightly Overrated in 2010
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QUICK HISTORY LESSON: Remember when everyone said Charlie Weis had “turned the corner “ when ND went 10-3? Many of the Irish faithful conveniently ignored the fact that those 2006 Irish played three Top 20 teams and lost by modest margins of 26, 20 and 27.
Notre Dame rode that avalanche of momentum to a pristine 3-9 record in 2007. Along the way, they received identical 38-0 ass-kickings courtesy of Michigan and USC to help put matching quotation marks around that train wreck of a season.
Fast forward to 2010 and guess what? MSU is just a big fat copycat. And worse, they tried to pull a Boise St. while they were at it.
The 2010 record for MSU's non-conference opponents other than ND: 6-6, 4-8 and 3-8.
And that impressive 7-1 Big 10 record? They beat 11th-ranked 11-2 Wisconsin under the lights 34-24 at MSU. As the learned Adam Sandler would say, “Not too shabby, eh?”
The records for the rest of their conference gauntlet: 7-6, 7-6, 7-6, 7-6, 3-9 and 4-8, with no Ohio State.
Whoops!!! Forgot that 8-5 Iowa squad, but then, MSU got their tenderest footballs crushed 37-6 in that one.
Not to worry; just a bad night and a high voice for a few weeks. Finishing the season at 11-1, head coach Dantonio told the national media that MSU would find out if they were for real against Alabama in the Capital One Bowl.
MSU was for real, taking a real beating, 49-7.
Traumatized Spartan fans tried to institute damage control by apologizing for being as arrogant as UM fans all year, but the harm to their reputation as one of the friendliest party schools in the country was already done. Less important but by no means trivial, the same can be said of Sparty's football program as well.
MSU turned the corner in 2010—and then stumbled into the closest bar. The guys coming out of that bar to play for MSU in 2011 just aren’t as good as their press clippings.
Reason No. 2: Rumor Has It MSU May Have To Leave Michigan To Play at Notre Dame
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On the way to their dominating 11-1 2010 regular season, not only did Michigan State try to pull a Boise St. by scheduling crap wherever possible, they topped that by trying to be the first college team in the modern era to play all home games.
To open 2010, MSU played at Michigan, a neutral game in Michigan, and five home games.
Total bus time to get to the first seven games of 2011: approximately two hours, 15 minutes and 17 seconds. Record: 7-0.
Luckily, Big Ten Commissioner Jim Delany caught on to these shenanigans and said, “Hey you guys, play a road game for once.”
Although it was terrifying, the very next week MSU had to actually cross state lines and drive another 30 miles to get to Evanston, Illinois to play Northwestern. Using the buddy system installed by Dantonio in his early Cincinnati days, they found the stadium but were so disoriented they had to rally from 10 down in the fourth quarter to beat a 7-6 Northwestern team that Wisconsin put up 70 on.
Clearly shaken from the experience, the next week things got worse when Sparty & Co. had to actually get on a plane. Many players said, “What is this craziness?”
In all the confusion, MSU forgot their football team at home. As a result, a national television audience watched a stout Iowa football team manhandle MSU’s seven shell-shocked assistant coaches, two perky flight attendants, an asthmatic equipment manager and a muscular but deceptively weak mascot, 37-6.
Reportedly, the plane to the Capitol One Bowl was even scarier.
Suffice to say that this Michigan State squad does not travel well.
Reason No. 3: MSU’s Pants Won’t Make Their Butts Look Big Enough
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For 2011, MSU returns quarterback Kirk Cousins along with his 20 TDs and 2,825 yards passing. Although Cousins loses 788 yards and six TDs from leading receiver Mark Dell, he gets back a host of insanely talented receivers and tight ends that expect to be explosive in 2011.
To help matters, the solid running-back tandem of Edwin Baker and La’Veon Bell are back to try to improve on their combined 21 touchdowns and 1,806 yards.
Lest anybody think otherwise, MSU will not be without their skill weapons in 2011.
Unfortunately for Spartyland, the success of Dantonio’s offense is more directly correlated to the gravitational pull of the perennially massive butts sported by MSU’s offensive line.
Going into 2011, the Spartans will have to replace the gargantuan posteriors of their starting center and both tackles, rumored to be a net deficiency of 85,642 pounds at last meal. That’s a lot of beef to round up.
Even with their veteran line, MSU’s 47th-ranked offense in 2010 was good but not great. With a rebuilt line, they’ll be lucky to get close to that mark in 2011.
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Reason No. 4: The Spartans Will Be Less Defensive in 2011
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The Spartans' 39th-ranked defense returns six starters in 2011, including All-Conference DBs Johnny Adams and Trenton Robinson. Honorable mention All-Big Ten defensive tackle Jerel Worthy will lead a solid group of returning defensive linemen who rotated in and out of the lineup, providing plenty of depth.
Unlike years past when the University of Michigan dominated recruiting for the state, there is solid new talent in line to fill the defensive holes.
So why the long face, Sparty?
Because those were some really really big holes. MSU’s defense loses leading tackler, four-year starter and All-American linebacker Greg Jones. That’s a punch in the twins.
Oh, and they also lose second-leading tackler, four-year letterman and All-Big Ten linebacker Eric Gordon. Another left to the boys.
All-Big Ten second-teamer and third-leading tackler safety Marcus Hyde is gone. All-Big Ten second-teamer and fifth-leading tackler, cornerback Chris L. Rucker has moved on to party elsewhere. A couple more cleat marks to the cajones.
Stir in the attrition of DE Colin Neely and LB Jon Misch, and the 2011 edition of the Spartan defense will be taking more body shots than Lindsey Lohan at a Caribbean resort.
Even before MSU’s losses, the veteran 2010 MSU defense gave up 31 points, 369 yards passing and four touchdowns in Dayne Crist’s third start in a new offense.
Notre Dame will be putting up bigger numbers than that in 2011.
Summary
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Last year, Michigan State needed two late botched calls by the refs to set up a 46-yard fake field goal to beat a first-year QB with a first-year coach and first-year defensive coordinator, in overtime, at night, at MSU.
This year, Michigan State loses most of their offensive line and the heart of their defense from that team, while ND returns almost intact, with personnel that will have an extra year in Kelly and Diaco’s systems.
More importantly, thanks to a well-placed $20 under the table from yours truly, this year’s Michigan State squad won’t get to play ND at Spartan Stadium no matter how much they complain to Commissioner Delany.
Granted, the Spartan offseason training program is already off to a fast start with the tasing of their starting tight end and the co-arrest of a party-hardy linebacker, so you know the iron discipline you expect from a Dantonio-led team is going to be there.
This is more or less a moot issue; however, jail time for MSU players has been historically coordinated to avoid conflicts with spring and fall camp. Consistent with Dantonio's zero-tolerance policies, expect any DUIs, felony assaults and/or premeditated gang attacks on student dorms to lead to a stern talking to from Dantonio (during non-practice hours), which can make a guy feel pretty damn bad—believe you me.
Although always an enjoyable drinking game, it's still way too early to run around playing "Pin the Charge on the Sparty." Besides, in the final analysis, it really doesn’t matter which MSU players will be getting three squares a day; Notre Dame will not be a victim of MSU's fraud again this year.
Yes, we all know the famous words of Socrates: "The sun even shines on a dog's ass occasionally," and in 2010, Sparty’s ample butt was giving off some serious radiation. In 2011, the Irish will be the mutt getting the tan.
Bring plenty of sunscreen.
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