Dear Nebraska Football: You Are Part Of The Problem, Not The Solution

Dear Nebraska football,

First of all, I wanted to thank you for 36 years of great service to me. You have shown me a lot of great times as well as a lot of heartache. From the joy of winning the 1995 Orange Bowl over Miami to coming up short against Oklahoma in Lincoln in a one versus two showdown, it has been a prideful but somewhat tumultuous tenure.

As your membership in the Big 12 ends, so does my support for you and your university. I cannot accept the terms of the conditions of your move to the Big 10. Since all of the traditions of Nebraska football fell by the wayside after the Bill Callahan era, what’s another tradition that dates back a century, right?

It will be nice to see you play Oklahoma in the Big 12 Championship Game just one last time. When the clock shows 0:00 tonight at Cowboys Stadium in Arlington, the clock will also expire on my allegiance to Nebraska football.

I also refuse to pay extra in order to see your non-conference schedule. Having spent well over $300 on Husker games in the past, only to receive begs for more donations from your university afterwards, I refuse to be triple-dipped for your services. Fans will have to have premium cable service to see the Big Ten Network, you will still charge money every time you play Louisiana-Monroe at home, and you will still ask for more money afterwards.

When the players receive some of the millions of dollars your university makes off their talents, I will reconsider my stance. This is a stance against college football and its slave tactics, not against Nebraska personally. Nebraska is just as guilty of this trade as any other university in the country, so in these eyes you are part of the problem and not the solution.

I hope you have the finances within your booster community to compete with Michigan and Ohio State in Big Ten recruiting. I also hope you can continue to convince Texas kids that it’s not that cold in Ann Arbor in November. Those warm weather November games in Texas stunk, didn’t they?

I didn’t go to the university and I’m not a season-ticket holder. Usually when those comments are thrown around, anything this person is about to say is going to be insanely stupid, almost hick-ish. But you wouldn’t know anything about that Nebraska, would you?

You had, being past tense, the longest continuous rivalry in all of college football against Kansas. Your former quarterback Turner Gill, who was the best ever at Nebraska at the position and changed the way the position was played at Nebraska, is now the coach at Kansas after you stabbed him in the back not once, but twice. Third time is a charm.

Schedule Kansas, Iowa State, and Kansas State on a rotational basis and give them a home-and-home. It’s the right thing to do, Nebraska.

I would like to wish you the best in your 8-4 season in 2011 and your trip to the Alamo Bowl in San Antonio. The Big 10 is so much better than the Big 12, right? After a long conference season, what does Nebraska have? The Alamo Bowl… still.

Also, enjoy being the third best program in the Big 10, much like you were in the Big 12 behind Oklahoma and Texas. Texas doesn’t have the stats to back up that claim, but they have the dollars to prove otherwise. Money talks, right Huskers?

Scottstradamus predicts, the scarlet will not roar again until dual twenty. Creaming by bucks and wolves will be often.

Meaning, the crystal ball says you will not see the crystal ball for at least this decade. The pattern will be: beat Northwestern, 66-14; beat Minnesota, 70-3; lose to Michigan, 24-15; beat Purdue, 35-17; lose to Penn State, 31-17. Something like that. Going 10-2 in the Big 10 is so much better than going 10-2 in the Big 12.

I would like to send my condolences out to you for dropping the ball on your national title hopes this season, literally. You can blame the officials all you want, but Nebraska had a golden ticket and trek towards possibly a national title this season, and they fumbled it away. Officials making calls for Ohio State and Michigan will never happen in the Big 10.

Nope, never.

Bo Pelini is Bob Stoops Jr., just not as good as his old Daddy. Better he avoid Stoops and Mack Brown altogether. How many times has Pelini been out coached at Nebraska? Every single one of their losses? Pretty much.

I think I’m done taking shots at you now. I feel better. College basketball season… oh wait.

There is no place like Nebraska.

Signed, your former friend,

Scott R. Hansen

P.S.: Taylor Martinez, please transfer.

P.P.S.: Doc Sadler, get out while you can.

Scott’s Favorite Moment: Winning 1995 Orange Bowl over Miami, 24-17. Penn State should have split with Nebraska that year, but that is irrelevant.

Scott’s Saddest Moment: Being in Basic Training for the Air Force during Nebraska’s 62-24 demolition of Florida in the 1996 Fiesta Bowl. Our training instructor was a huge Nebraska fan and had the news for me the next morning. TSgt Davis from Kansas City made Major Payne look weak. Looked and talked like him a little, too.

Worst Game: 1994 Orange Bowl against Florida State. That stung, but did make the next two years ever sweeter.

Strangest Moment No. 1: 1998 Orange Bowl knowing that we would never see the legend on the sidelines again.

Strangest Moment No. 2: During the 1997 Missouri game listening to my Dad describe the action of “the catch” over the telephone from Italy. It was not showing on AFN that night, it was past midnight in Italy. He described it like it was a run of the mill catch and throw. I heard the family in the background say “YES!” simultaneously when Matt Davison caught the kicked deflection for a score. Biggest break in Nebraska football history.

Message from God Moment: Every morning while working day shift at Aviano ABS, Italy, I would wake up at 0515 in order to get over to the bus at 0610. For some reason in December 10, 1997, I woke up at 0455 that day. Normally I would go straight into getting ready for work without having much time to mess around.

On that day, I turned on the television to AFN at 0459 at morning. CNN/SI came on at 0500, and there it was. The announcement that Tom Osborne was retiring. Not a coincidence.

True Fan Moment No. 1: Watching Texas Tech score every single one of the 70 points it hung on the Huskers in 2004. Nebraska did it to everybody over the years, just wanted to know how it felt. I didn’t like it.

True Fan Moment No. 2: Paying for the Oklahoma State home game in 2000 and getting embarrassed. Pretty bad when you pay for something and you change it at halftime.

Worst Play: Watching Gill’s pass attempt on the two-point conversion in the 1984 Orange Bowl loss to Miami, 31-30. I was supposed to be at that game, but a winter storm moved through when I was supposed to leave.

Biggest Conspiracy Theory: Nebraska took money to lose that game. Irving Fryar and Mike Rozier did it. Gill wasn’t in on it.