SEC Team Outcomes for Week 6: Larry's Losers in the SEC

Larry Burton (Syndicated Writer)

This series is a tongue-in-cheek tribute to Leonard Postoasties and the weekly radio show he used to do in colorful, country dialect.

Well, the little smart cookies we baked up almost had us back up to perfect. The 1-1 this week brought the overall record up to 38-5 and still leaves us with an 87 percent overall score, but we were fooled by the determination of them song city sailors to beat off a pack of Huskies.

Bacardi told me when in doubt, go with a dog, but I didn't listen. So in payback for not listening to the curly-tailed prognosticatin' pug, he made me bring him a new Alabama jersey home from Tuscaloosa.

So this week old Bacardi and I are going to leave the emotional factor and go straight with the facts and nothin' but the facts. Here we go with this week's perfect prognosticatin'.

Hey pooch, where's that list?

Good boy! Now if the dog slobber ain't made the ink run too bad, here we go with this week's picks.

Alabama at South Carolina

Last week Alabama turned the last year's East Division's champion into ladies' purses and shoes and they're hopin' that things will go just as easy with the runner-up.

But the Old Ball Coach knows the home field is on his side this time and this ain't no ball flingin' team that's gonna give up three interceptions and give up lots of points with dumb mistakes. He's figurin' on a ground attack and he's got the hauler that can tote the rock in a war like that.

Marcus Lattimore may be the hot cock in the barnyard at Columbia, but Alabama's been practicin' against much better talent and in the end, people will be asking why these chickens crossed the road to the stadium for a beating like this.

Larry's Loser—South Carolina

Arkansas at Texas A&M

The bacon ball flingers from Fayetteville herd the Hogs to Texas for a little how do you do with the Aggie's of Texas A&M and aim to raid the Aggie's crops and gorge themselves on some Texas-sized produce.

But these farmers raise more than veggies and they've slaughtered more than one kind of livestock and are hoping for a little pulled pork before the day's over.

This could be a good game for 59 minutes, but if the Hogs have it late in a close one, they should seal the deal.

Larry's Loser—Texas A&M


Auburn at Kentucky

For the past few years, the South Alabama striped Siamese have started off like gangbusters and ended up just busted, but this year Gene Chizik is aiming to keep these cats on course for a date in Atlanta.

Last week, Kentucky folded like a two-four off suited in the World Series of Poker against a team that many thought they should beat, and they know the only way back to redemption is to win one they weren't supposed to, like this one.

Now Auburn hasn't exactly overwhelmed any of the SEC teams they've played yet this year and the game is at Kentucky, but Bacardi says that in this battle of the kitties, a tiger usually beats a wildcat so that's how we're going.

Larry's Loser—Kentucky

LSU at Florida

Les Miles brings his big red shoes and round rubber nose to Gainesville along with the luckiest bunch of Cats in football to do a little Gator trapping and he's hoping to catch those lizards still lickin' their wounds from an elephant stampede last week.

The green skins are laying a little trap of their own and aim to claim a little Gator bait of their own, and figure a Tiger in a swamp is a little out of his element.

This could actually be a good game with each playing their best defense to keep from getting bit and the outcome could come down to the final minutes or even seconds. So we'll pick Florida, because in those final critical moments of the game, Les Miles will think it's the third quarter.

Larry's Loser—LSU

Tennessee at Georgia

Derek Dooley brings the Rocky Top boys down to the flat lands to huddle 'tween the hedges and see if those Volunteers of his can volley off enough shots to bag some Bulldogs.

Mark's mutts down in Athens are so low right now that a win against a 2-3 Tennessee would be like winning the lottery. And they need to win something, because now they won't even go bowling and they're gonna have to fight to keep from being a cellar pooch.

Outside of Hardknocksville and the pooch posse people, who really cares who wins this game? But since somebody will, we better pick it right, huh?

Larry's Loser—Georgia

Mississippi State at Houston

Dan Mullen's raising the Big Bulldog's in the SEC and this was supposed to be a year that most thought they'd still be cute little pups. Instead of dueling with Vandy for the cellar, these dogs are looking like postseason pooches and they think a little swagger down in Houston will get them one step closer.

Coach Kevin's Cougars are some pretty slick cats, but one has to wonder how they do with a freshman flinger and their No. 1 pigskin passer on the bench. Still, they have lots of kitties with claws and will get some licks in.

But when the fat lady sings, it'll be the Bulldogs with the last bark and they should hold up their end of SEC pride and leave with their tails wagging.

Larry's Loser—Houston

Eastern Michigan at Vanderbilt

Ron English's Eagle boys fly down from Eastern Michigan down to Song City hoping to swoop down and grab a quick win from the SEC's little brother.

But Robbie Caldwell's boat load of Commodores aim to send this flock down the river with nothing but a beating to show for their trip.

If you only want to see one Vandy game this year, this is the one to watch as they'll pluck these birds and look like a million dollars doing it.

Larry's Loser—Eastern Michigan

And that's it for this week folks. Bacardi want's to show off his new jersey and he's a bit cocky about this week's picks, so come back next week and see how we did. Till then, quit strutting around, get my house shoes dog! It's almost bed time and I've still got to walk you one last time.