Notre Dame Football and the 10 Levels Of Irish Fan Despair

Abandon hope all ye who enter.

That might be a bit extreme for a 1-3 start, but the prospect of a third consecutive .500 season has sapped the "cautious optimism" from the Notre Dame fan base and opened the dreaded gates of Despair.

Fretting over a college football team is certainly not unique to Irish fans, but they do it with more aplomb and variety than almost any other team. This realm of Despair, much like Dante's Inferno, houses varying levels of severity, each with a representative of the inflicted suffering (or a level boss for the video game inclined).

Notre Dame fans are a notoriously mercurial bunch, and with a brilliant turnaround, Brian Kelly could still end this season as the herald of a new dawn in South Bend. All ill will could be forgotten if he can get his team in sync with discipline and attitude.

But with Boston College, a team that thrives on Irish torment, on Saturday's docket, the threads of hope are wearing dangerously thin.

Mild Concern

Level Boss: Tom Hammond

This is the first step into despair which immediately proceeds a turn south from "cautious optimism". It is represented by a nebulous feeling of uneasiness without the ability to put a finger on what exactly is out of place.

The general sense is that something horrible lies just out of view, like the botox/makeup combination on Hammond's face, or that somehow the Koreans are on the verge of a new dance craze.

General Disorientation With Slight Hallucination

Level Bosses: Kevin White and Bob Davie

At this stage, there is no more ambiguity that something is out of place, but it's still out of control to the point that there is an onset of hallucinations. Hallucinations authorized to give contract extensions are particularly dangerous.

Disorientation With No Means Of Escape

Level Bosses: Kevin White with Charlie Weis

Hallucinations morphed into full-blown ridiculous when White gave Weis a contract extension midway through his first season. It raised some eyebrows at the time, and even more so in the years to come.

Even after the 2008 season, it was pretty clear that Weis would be back for 2009.  The holes in the team had already been exposed. The only hope was that brilliance of Jimmy Clausen and Golden Tate would somehow accidentally run into a nine or ten win season and knock the yogurt cup off a flailing leprechaun.

Flustered Embarrassment*

Level Boss: Mark May

*Irish fans: You are probably here.

Attempts at rationalization are quickly growing thinner and more transparent. A fleet of nemeses starting coming out of the woodwork, including TV pundits, Alabama band-wagon-jumping co-workers, and small children who take joy in the ruthless mockery.

Rage

Level Boss: Paul Johnson as head coach of Navy in 2007

Snapping a 43-game winning streak is the football equivalent of losing a World of Warcraft account in the nerd world.

Blindsided by Kangaroo

Level Boss: Greg Robinson as the head coach of Syracuse in 2008

This area goes beyond normal humiliation and crosses the threshold into physical pain.

Even before the Man vs. Wild segment, it's clear that life is not going well, because, let's face it, no one likes it when their wife or girlfriend drags them anywhere. It's one thing to hold a shopping bag but the leash of an ill-tempered, kickboxing marsupial is an entirely different kettle of fish.

This would be Syracuse in 2008 delivering a wicked out-of-nowhere right-cross/kick combo. It was Senior Day at the end of another disappointing season, and the Orange had only two wins entering the contest. Like the kangaroo, they took the opportunity to be on TV to open a new bottle of crazy and take down the Irish.

Self-Inflicted Pain

Level Boss: Ty Willingham

Willful ignorance is not an excuse and usually gets what it deserves. It also leaves its fan base writhing on the ground in pain.

Self-Inflicted Pain Following a Really Bad Idea

Level Boss: Pat Dillingham in green jersey against Boston College in 2002

Crossing into this level is a billboard that reads "It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time."

The book for how to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory is still in manuscript form, but Irish QB Dillingham's gift-wrapped this game for the Eagles, fumbling directly into the hands of a defender for the go-ahead touchdown.

The Pit Of Despair

Level Boss: The Albino from the Palm Pre Commercials Played by Pete Carroll

Physical pain in this level is inflicted by "The Machine," otherwise known as the Trojan teams from 2002 to 2009. There was no escaping this torment, either in the form of a blowout loss or a tragically close defeat. Every other year, another Thanksgiving weekend ended in ruin.

The Fall

Level Boss: Fredo from Godfather II

Many an Irish fan would have fallen on the sword if they had known that this field goal attempt would be the kick off of the cliff of glory.

The power of this ring is not in the moment itself, but in retrospect and hindsight. The pain is in the feeling of complete loss, gazing up at what once was a reserved place in the heavens of the polls' Top 10, only to return to the squalor of the present.

This is up there with Adam in the Garden of Eden. It is the moment that everyone can point to, at the height of power and glory, from which Notre Dame has never recovered.