College Football's Terrible 10: Week 2

Week two weeded out the weak.

And showed that the Sooners are still strong enough to make the Seminoles swoon.

Speaking of weak team blues in a shocking move the Atlantic Coast Conference has decided to cancel out of conference games until at least 2022. 

ACC Commish Johnny D Swofford said the policy was being implemented to protect the safety of his players and the sanity of his coaches. 

1] Western Kentucky Hilltoppers [0-23]

The nations longest losing streak rolls on.

Now wonder the Western Kentucky mascot looks like Grimace gone hillbilly red and way wrong. Either that or Big Red, who resembles some strange 1950's science fiction B movie radioactive creature, is the result of a government experiment gone terribly wrong in the hills of Kentucky.  

One wonders if Nikola Tesla made Big Red in some bizarre Kentucky coal mine lab long ago.

2] New Mexico Los Lobos 0-2]

So far this campaign Los Lobos is losing 122-17 and Utah looms.

The last one with such ill luck in New Mexico was Billy the Kid when he stopped to see a sweet senorita at Pete Maxwell's place.

3] Virginia Tech Hokies {0-2]

Rumors is that well after midnight last night Jimmy Madison jumped out of the Madison Family Cemetery at Montpelier.and did a little Federalist jig and went back to his rest.

The last time Madison move that fast was when he ran a 4.2 forty out of the White House as the Lobster Back Brits came to burn the town down.

Boise State mind bangs better than Angelina Jolie. A week after they blew out of Beamer World they are still battering the Hokies and Beamer's brain..

4] Florida State Seminoles [1-1]

Sooner scalped Seminole players say it was a very uncomfortable flying back to Tallahassee with their tomahawks jammed up their butts.

Tackling is terrible in college and pro football but the timid Seminole defensive backs treated the Sooner backs and receivers like polite butlers.

Did the Seminoles go to the Deon Sanders School of avoiding contact?

5] Miami Quarterback Jacory Harris

Harris was not only a turnover machine but also consistently missed open receivers. 

If this is the best they got In the land of Kelly, Kosar, Testaverde, Torretta, and Walsh they out to just put another back in and snap him the ball every play.

6] Tennessee Volunteers

After being whacked by the Quack attack the Volunteers are confident the Florida Gators can put up sixty on them.

In a desperate attempt to motivate his defense Head Coach Hang down your head Derek Dooley has adopted the Grateful Dead Tennessee Jed as the new team song.

I run into Charlie Fog,
Blacked my eye and he kicked my dog,
My doggie turned to me and he said,
Let's head back to Tennessee Jed.
I woke up a feelin' mean,
Went down to play the slot machine,
The wheels turned around, and the letters read,
You better head back to Tennessee Jed.

Tennessee, Tennessee, there ain't no place I'd rather be,
Baby won't you carry me back to Tennessee.

7] UAB Blazers [0-2]

After being bushwhacked in week one by Howie and the Howling Owls of Florida Atlantic the Blazers got smashed by SMU.

A beating by Troy looms but fear not faithful Blazer backers weak kneed Tennessee is preparing to prostrate itself before the Blazers.  

8] Minnesota Golden Gophers [1-1]

South Dakota has always treated boys from the Big Ten badly just ask Wild Bill Hickok, late of Illinois, about playing poker in the Black Hills.

9] Penn State Nittany  Lions 1-1]

Last time Joe Paterno was beaten this bad down South he was but a corporal at Bull Run.

10] UNLV Rebels [0-2]

At least the beaten Rebel boys have strippers, The Strip and Fremont Street to fall back on. 

Bazooko's Circus is what the whole hep world would be doing Saturday nights if the Nazis had won the war. This was the Sixth Reich.

Raoul Duke