The Great Duke Basketball Boycott: Who's With Me?

A new season of college basketball is underway, and this year I pledge to be Duke-free.  I am done with Duke’s existence. 

I know I sound like a hater, and I know Coach K and Duke have been great for a long time. 

Is it jealous envy?  Not even close.  If I was a Duke fan I'd do a can-opener into an erupting volcano.

Mostly, I just cannot take this team anymore. 

So from now on, they’re out of my life. 

You're welcome to join me. You won't believe how much your life will improve!

I used to watch Duke play, hoping and praying that they would lose the game.  It wasn’t like I planned to watch just to root against them. But as you know, ESPN shows every single one of their f****n’ games, so sometimes you just land on one of their buzz-killing experiences while channel surfing. 

Occasionally, the other team came close to beating Duke, but the Blue Devils would get every call, roll, bounce, banked three—you name it, they got it.  I found myself yelling and cussing at them.  I even started rooting for the other team on a first name basis, like I was best friends with the players. 

But not this year.  I can’t take any more of Greg "Boring-fest" Paulus.  Gerald Henderson can fly and kill dunks—which would normally be grounds for mad props, but he chose Duke. So, sorry Gerald, even if you did a 720 in a game, I wouldn’t care one bit. 

I don’t even want to know the names of Coach K's new crop of boring, yawn-town freshmen this season.  Although one is really highly rated, so I did see his name—and it’s f****n’ Kyle Singler.  Gimme a huge, monstrous break with that name.  Good lord. 

If you’re a Duke fan, good for you.  Enjoy it.  Your team wins a lot of games.  But I have had about all I can take of Mike Patrick and Dick Vitale feverishly pulling themselves every time a Duke player dives after a loose ball.  As if no other players on any other teams ever dive for loose balls. 

Mike might even be worse than Dick at this point.  I’m surprised he hasn’t yet had a massive heart attack and croaked from the ecstasy of a Duke player taking a charge.  

My solution?  Easy: Any time a Duke game is on TV, I’ll just go do something else.  Something fun.  I’ll enjoy my life, instead of wasting my energy yelling through my television at refs who call a charge every f****n’ time a Duke player falls down. 

To end this rant, I will just say this: I would rather get dumped on by an entire flock of birds right in front of five smokin’ hot chicks than watch another Duke basketball game.