Stephen Strasburg Debut: Unheralded Washington Prospect To Take Mound Tonight

A legitimate unnamed source inside the Washington Nationals office—this guy I know and really really trust—gave me some inside information.

Stephen Strasburg will be starting a somewhat meaningless June game against a fifth place team that has no shot at the playoffs.

Here's what my unnamed completely real source told me:

"Don't let anyone know, but we got this guy Strasburg. Stephen I think his name is but don't tell anyone that! He's a diamond in the rough. Should be really good.  But keep it under your hat." 

I couldn't though. I felt like the rest of the sports world needed to know.  

No one may have heard of this guy, but let me be the first to tell you he has the potential to do really well in the big leagues. 

I was fortunate enough to watch him pitch in person and wow, was I blown away. 

His fastball clocks in at around 10,000 miles per hour with late movement, which really sets the hitters up for his negative 20 miles per hour changeup.  Yes, negative 20 miles per hour. Strasburg actually throws the ball backwards, but because he keeps his fastball arm action, the hitters still swing.

His curveball is even filthier as it actually freezes in mid-air for two seconds in front of the hitter waiting for the hitter to swing. When the hitter finally decides to swing, that's when it dives out of the zone.  

Scouts say Strasburg's ability to give a lifeless baseball its own consciousness so it can move wherever his mind dictates is one of his strongest attributes. 

"You don't see a lot of guys with mind control in the big leagues. (Bugs) Bunny had it, (Greg) Maddux as well. (Jamie) Moyer developed it later on in his career, but other than that you don't really see it very often, especially in guys this young," said my source.

Most scouts and baseball analysts have also chimed in with what the potential future holds for Strasburg. 

"If he (Strasburg) stays healthy, he probably will throw a perfect game every start of his career.  Well maybe not every start, but a no-hitter or a perfect game, depending on whether he's sick or not."

Strasburg's demeanor, pedigree, and mind control ability are just some of the positives that will help him become the most amazing player ever, ever, ever in the history of sports and people.

The Nationals have a lot of festivities planned for the opening celebration of Stephen Strikesburg. 

They'll obviously start by singing the Star-Spangled Banner, which they will change the title to the Stephen-Strasburg spangled banner, followed by a standing ovation every half inning that Strasburg pitches.

The seventh-inning stretch will be a real treat for the kids as Strasburg will actually levitate off the mound which will signal the start of four people with giant foam ex-president heads racing to get a member of the sold out crowd a free Mountain Dew at Taco Bell. 

Strasburg will then get to meet the ghosts of Babe Ruth, Jessie Owens, Red Grange, Wilt Chamberlain, Socrates, and Alexander the Great as they congratulate him on being better at his chosen profession than they all were at theirs. 

So set your DVRs, Tivos, or VCRs, whatever you have, because this game will be the start of an amazing career. 

And upon Strasburg striking out the 27th batter on his 81st pitch of the game, maybe Sportscenter will finally do a feature on this guy, because even though he hasn't thrown a major league pitch...he is the greatest human being ever to touch a baseball.  

And if you're looking for a tip in the coming years, this one kid Bryce Harper, can actually hit a homerun just by punching a fastball with his fist.  

But again, keep it on the down low, I don't want anyone else in my fantasy league finding out about these guys.