Sports Shorts: Signs of Impending Apocalypse

Every where you look, there are signs of an impending apocalypse. Extraordinary things have occurred that make 'When Pigs Fly" or "It's a cold day in hell" seem all the more real.

Get your emergency rations out, fill up the car with gas, hermetically seal the man cave (just in case of a false alarm) and head for the hills.

These signs say Doomsday is near:

The Citadel's starting quarterback Miguel Starks was arrested on charges of armed robbery, burglary in the first degree, kidnapping, and possession of a firearm during the commission of a violent crime. A Citadel's cadet arrested on felony charges? That's sort of like an MIT grad flunking the Wonderlic, isn't it?

Urban and Shelley Meyer finally get away for an exotic vacation in Hawaii to relieve some stress only to be evacuated from their hotel due to the Hawaiian tsunami warnings. Life without Tebow is taking its toll. If Timmy had been there, he would've walked on water and flattened those waves.

NBC decided to pre-empt the Closing Ceremonies of the Games at Vancouver by showing the Marriage Ref, Jerry Seinfeld's new show. NBC is the same network that aired tape-delayed coverage to states in the same time zone as Vancouver, forgot to air an USA vs Canada hockey game, and gave us a hockey commentator who said one team brought its "Eurotrash game" to the Olympics. No wonder why the world hates us.

Ozzie Guillen has a Twitter account. While White Sox fans have to be excited over the fact that Twitter doesn't have an edit button and Ozzie will be in full glory without a convenient bleeper nearby, Bud Selig has to be cringing over this.

A Canadian woman won a medal in figure skating—while the U.S. was shut out—and Russia's Evgeni Plushenko was beat by American Evan Lysacek. Plushenko dealt with his grief by awarding himself a platinum medal and posing with it on his website.

Twitter has a new feature (not actually part of Twitter) called Twitlonger. It's basically for those who love to tweet but can't do it in 140 characters or less, thereby diminishing the whole purpose of Twitter.

Jimmie Johnson is a four-time Sprint Cup Series champion and it looks like he could be going for his fifth crown after his win at Las Vegas on Sunday. Johnson isn't from the South—he's from Southern California, specifically the San Diego area. You know, where surfing is king. And nobody watches NASCAR races. Or eats grits.

No one was arrested this week in Gainesville, Florida or Eugene, Oregon.

Mike Bliss was forced to wear a black and pink firesuit while driving a two-shaded pink Chevy because Kim Kardashian Fragrance was his sponsor. "I'd love to torture the driver and put him in a pink jump suit," Kardashian said. Actually, the viewers were tortured the most—NASCAR is not a girly-girl sport and watching that pink mess hit the wall was probably a relief for Bliss.

ESPN is having some street cred issues after some troublesome broadcasts over the past week—Scott Van Pelt got hammered twice in one week. First he got duped from a caller who claimed to be Brian Westbrook, but he ended up being a Howard Stern disciple. Then Van Pelt was dealt a second blow after he dropped the "F bomb" on air, apparently thinking he was off-air. The third blow will come from the FCC.

Jeff Van Gundy was actually complimentary towards the Lakers in a recent broadcast. Testing his DNA will commence shortly.

Boston Celtics fans are quiet. But cheer up Beantown, baseball is right around the corner.