Swapping Alexis Sanchez for Sergio Aguero Could Be the Perfect Transfer

Can something be outrageously fanciful and make perfect sense all at the same time? Whether oxymoronic, or simply moronic, the idea of Arsenal's flu-ridden dog-whisperer Alexis Sanchez being sent to Manchester City in exchange for the more obedient but no less gifted Sergio Aguero might just be the perfect transfer.

An embryonic tabloid whisper that failed to even crack its shell is not usually worth pause for thought, yet this is one that intrigues even on a purely hypothetical level. It's almost too perfect.

Sanchez wants out, City want Sanchez, Arsenal want to save face. The key to it all could be Aguero. Unfortunately, no one ever really knows what he thinks about anything. It's rumoured he uses J.D. Salinger as his press officer.

Arsenal's wantaway forward was due to report to the club's London Colney training base at the weekend having been granted an extended break because of Chile's prolonged involvement in the Confederations Cup.

He was a no-show, having on Friday posted a photograph of himself on Instagram looking glum while wearing a thick wool jumper and scarf. It was captioned "Enfermo," which he helpfully informs is the Spanish for "sick." Just a consonant off what I found myself muttering when I saw it.

"Your job is to be suspicious. Your job is to mistrust, my job is to trust. That's why I prefer my side," was Arsenal Wenger's diplomatic response to reporters when it was put to him Ferris Bueller Sanchez could be faking illness (h/t The Guardian's Amy Lawrence). After exchanging text messages with the player, Wenger said everything is fine. Whether Sanchez confirmed his return date with an accompanying wink emoji is unconfirmed.

From a managerial perspective, both Wenger and Pep Guardiola are similarly at the point where they no longer feel compelled to disguise irritation when asked about the respective futures of their top goalscorers. Neither, though, is as pure as the driven snow. Is it not possible in idle moments they may have thought this could be an ideal solution to avoid having to deal with what could prove problematic seasons for both players? 

While Wenger will be loath to lose a player who scored or directly assisted 45 goals in 51 appearances last season, forcing Sanchez to stay against his will could end up like trying to cage a lion in a cat box. There will be casualties.

For all the diffident grins he gives when quizzed on his idiosyncratic Chilean, who makes no bones, pardon the pun, of enjoying the company of his dogs more than any of his team-mates, Wenger knows an unhappy player at a football club can often be not just toxic, but contagious.

Disillusionment can spread like Japanese knotweed. When Sanchez does his Elmer Fudd foot-stamping routine it may have Arsenal supporters joining in, but his team-mates are probably tempted to reach for his rifle.

Guardiola's issue is less pressing than Wenger's—subtler. He's said Aguero is a key player for him. Perhaps he is, but at 29 heading into a World Cup year, the boy from Buenos Aires knows unless he spends the season front and centre for City, he could fall behind either of Mauro Icardi or Gonzalo Higuain as Argentina's first choice alongside Lionel Messi. Competing with Brazil's current No. 9, Gabriel Jesus, at club level, will no doubt have played on his mind over the summer. 

City being able to sign Sanchez and keep Ageuro happy at the same time seems an impossible ask. 

Though the flame more simmered than caught fire between Guardiola and Sanchez during their season together at Barcelona, there was enough mutual respect to ensure there would be no awkwardness should a reunion take place.

Sanchez's dedication to his defensive responsibilities had his Spanish taskmaster all of a quiver, with ceaseless bullishness the perfect fit for City's high-press game that Aguero sometimes struggles with. An ability to play anywhere across the front line would hold real appeal for Guardiola, with the prospect of him interchanging positions with Jesus, from the left to through the middle, likely to be another major pull, too.

Manchester City in full-flight on the counter-attack is one of the most edifying sights in English football. Throw Sanchez's dynamism and ability to pick a pass from deep into the mix and it would become brutal to the point of being poetic.

Guardiola is building a new Manchester City, and it's in his image. For all Aguero's brilliance, and he truly is still a player of the highest order for any talk of him being a fading force, it's nonetheless hard to envisage him being a poster boy for his manager's grand vision.

While everyone knows Guardiola is capable of being a ruthless sod, phasing out Aguero would be a gargantuan headache he could do without. Make that a migraine, given he would be doing so on the back of a trophyless debut campaign in England.

If Wenger and Guardiola acquiesced over the mooted exchange, however, they could effectively resolve each other's respective issue. It would still generate plenty of heat, but with significantly less fuss or sentimentalism. Any tears over the departure of a crowd favourite would surely be tempered by the excitement kindled by a player of a similar level coming in. 

It would be like a less psychotic footballing version of the Alfred Hitchcock classic Strangers on a Train. Albeit swapping sulky strikers rather than murders. There probably wouldn't even need to be any bodies. Given the players' respective careers and ages—just six months separate them—a straight swap hardly seems unreasonable, either. All they would effectively need is a different coloured shirt.

We're getting carried away. Over a beer I asked a football agent friend of mine what were the chances of the deal being done, if hypothetically all parties were interested. With a smile he said "none," before explaining how too many third parties would want a drink out of it for it ever to come off. The way he said drink suggested if it were to be written down it would require inverted commas, with the "drink" being spoken of in this instance being very different to the one we were consuming at the time.

The paucity of trades having been struck over the years suggests he may have a point. Though it obviously goes on, it's rarely spoken of, with football clubs perversely happy to throw cash like confetti on transfer fees but positively priggish when it comes to tossing the keys into the fruit bowl to get a swap deal over the line.

Maybe it's the fear of getting burnt. There's no hiding place with swap deals. Take cash off the table and it becomes a case of comparing apples to apples. In the early 2000s, Inter Milan went through a spell where the only explanation for their transfer business would be the unwitting appointment of Jeremy Beadle as director of football.

Between 2001 and 2004, Andrea Pirlo, Clarence Seedorf and Fabio Cannavaro were all allowed to leave the club. In exchange arrived Andres Guglielminpietro, Francesco Coco, Fabian Carini and a handful of coins found down the back of a sofa. It's a bit like swapping Leonardo da Vinci's Last Supper painting for one of those posters of dogs playing pool in a pub.  

Beadle must have left by the time Inter swapped Zlatan Ibrahimovic for Barcelona striker Samuel Eto'o and around £35 million. The Swede would quit the Catalan giants after just a solitary season, while Eto'o went to win a historic Serie A, Coppa Italia and UEFA Champions League treble in his first campaign.

American sport has always been more willing to engage in player trades. Giants in their respective fields Shaquille O'Neal, Wilt Chamberlain, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Wayne Gretzky, Kobe Bryant, Pedro Martinez, John Elway and Frank Robinson all have swaps on their CVs, and it didn't do any of them too much harm.

Aware that selling Sanchez could lead to unprecedented avocado smashing in north London, the alternative for Arsenal is to allow him to sulk out the remaining 12 months of his contract and forgo a £50 million transfer fee they could probably still get now if they were to sanction a sale before the close of the transfer window. Paris Saint-Germain, also linked with Aguero, per The Independent, would almost certainly pay it. 

Sanchez has Arsenal over the same barrel he has long-since ceased kissing on the club's badge. He had barely taken off his FA Cup winners' medal, after an outstanding performance and goal in the final against Chelsea, before he was professing his love for the Champions League (not to mention the £400,000 weekly wage he reportedly covets) supersedes that which he feels for his present employer.

Like Mesut Ozil, he could sign a pre-contract agreement with a rival club as early as January. If Arsenal think the situation awkward now, think what it will be like when Sanchez is papped in one of Manchester's Pets At Home stores come the turn of the year.

For Arsenal, it is the quintessential Catch-22 situation. To quote a passage from Joseph Heller's magnum opus that perhaps best surmises Wenger's conundrum: "'What do you do when it rains?' The captain answered frankly. 'I get wet.'"

The party line coming out of the club is retaining Sanchez's services represents their best chance of making an immediate return to the Champions League, having missed out on it last season for the first time in 20 years. As such, any bid will be rebuked. 

History would suggest contrary to his words advocating such a stance, it will be killing the economist in the Frenchman. Though according to The Telegraph's Sam Wallace, it was a relaxed Wenger that fielded questions over whether he was comfortable with the likely scenario of Ozil running down his contract and leaving next summer.

He even went on to predict the German midfielder could set a precedent for high-profile players letting their contracts expire, as a reaction to a market that long-term is unlikely to be able to prop up its current state of acute hyperinflation. 

"Yes, I think in the future you will see it more and more," said an open Wenger in the aftermath of Arsenal's 2-1 defeat to Sevilla at the pre-season Emirates Cup.

"Why? Because the transfers are so high even for normal players, you will see more and more players going into the final year of the contract because no club will want to pay the amount demanded. I'm convinced in the next 10 years it will become usual."

Since the end of last season, City chairman Khaldoon Al Mubarak, Guardiola, Aguero and his agent have all sung off the same hymn sheet with regards the player's future. The scorer of the most important goal in the club's history, indeed surely the most iconic of the whole Premier League era, is to see out the remaining two years of his existing contract at the very least.

"

#Agueroooooo pic.twitter.com/CGGZXmAELT

— B/R Football (@brfootball) July 28, 2017"

Things looked less harmonious at the turn of the year. Aguero on the substitutes' bench with just his thoughts for company is one of the most incongruous sights in football. For parts of January and February cameras were trained on him almost as much as they were the pitch.

If a benched footballer looks too relaxed he doesn't care, too solemn and he's sulking. It's a tough balancing act. Aguero wore the look of a man at the wedding of an ex-wife, desperately trying to appear delighted she's moved on and married a younger version of himself.

City arguably played their best football of the season in the brief period when Jesus spearheaded their attack. At 19, the Brazilian was as pugnacious as he was prematurely poised. Aggressive and agile, he's a channel runner that loves to press. Guardiola looked smitten, having earlier in the campaign ordered Aguero to do more for the team despite him being in free-scoring form. 

If at the time Aguero thought everyone was in Jesus' corner, probably even the Brazilian's namesake, he may have been forced into a rethink as fate intervened when his usurper suffered a broken metatarsal in his right foot at Bournemouth. With a point to prove, Aguero did just that, scoring 15 in City's remaining 17 matches. Tellingly it was his increased work rate that won more praise from his manager than the avalanche of goals.

In November, I wrote a piece that raised the question, "Why is Sergio Aguero so criminally underappreciated?" Looking back at it now, it may have prescience with regards how Guardiola sees the striker's future role at City. More striking, if my description is vaguely accurate, is how perfect a fit he would be for Arsenal.

"His role at Manchester City has always been more about playing between the whites of the posts. It's hard to think of a player who takes possession in a crowded penalty area so comfortably. The tighter the situation, the more he likes it. There's certainly no one better in England. He could dribble a football in an under-the-stairs cupboard that houses a vacuum cleaner and not touch the walls. 

"With a bow-legged gait, low centre of gravity, legs like a bison, the acceleration of a gazelle and an arse like a Kardashian, Aguero has often been compared to Brazil legend Romario."

No side in England likes to walk the ball into the net like Arsenal. So often the grumble at the Emirates reaches its crescendo when an intricate move breaks down on the edge of the opposition box. With the greatest respect to the underrated Olivier Giroud, it's a whole different ball game when it is repeatedly being fed into the feet of Aguero 18 yards from goal.

The variant skill sets of Giroud, Danny Welbeck and Theo Walcott are regularly lampooned to hysterical levels, usually so shrill in their delivery one invariably ends up hoping the next misguided shot from any one of them lands squarely in the mouth of whoever is doing the criticising. It's usually a guy in a car park shouting into a camera.

While individually they are excellent players, there is a certain truth, amid the inanity, in the idea that the best bits of each of them would need to be spliced together to be left with anything like a truly world-class striker. New boy Alexandre Lacazette should be a hit, but he will no doubt require time. 

Aguero, like Sanchez, operates on a different plane.

The 24 Premier League goals Sanchez scored last term made him the first Arsenal player to net at least 20 since Robin van Persie in 2011/12. That was the same season Aguero arrived in Manchester replete with a record at Atletico Madrid that boasted 75 goals in 175 games. He introduced himself to English football with 23 Premier League goals in that debut campaign. In four of his six seasons he has scored over 20 league goals.

On the topic of underappreciation, it's interesting to note how Aguero has never been nominated for the PFA Player of the Year, nor even made the Team of the Year, despite having top-scored in title-winning teams twice while winning the Golden Boot for the 2014/15 season.

No player in Premier League history can top Aguero's goals-per-minute rate of one every 106, courtesy of 107 goals in 154 matches. While next in line Thierry Henry (121.8 minutes per goal) had so much more to his game than being just a goalscorer, it's worth noting how even an archpredator like Ruud van Nistelrooy (128.2) palls in comparison to Aguero.

In April last year, Aguero reached the milestone of 100 Premier League goals, the fastest player to do so behind Alan Shearer. The Match of the Day pundit caused quite the stir when he claimed Aguero was the only world-class player currently in the Premier League.

He's not slowing down either. Harry Kane with 75 goals is the only player to outscore the 70 Aguero has managed over the past three seasons. Sanchez over the same period has 53.

It is a measure of Guardiola's perfectionism that after a campaign that yielded 33 goals in 45 games there remains a lingering sense Aguero, however mesmeric he appears to the outside world, might just not be his man. Think Prince Charles hankering after Camilla Parker Bowles while being married to Princess Diana.

Discussing his loan spell at City, Frank Lampard told an illuminating story about Aguero on Soccer AM last season that in some ways recalls the famous Roy Keane quote about Paul Scholes in his autobiography The Second Half: "I still don't fall for the boy-next-door image, or that he's dead humble. He has more of an edge to him. Everyone thinks he lives in a council flat."

Lampard recounted (h/t the Daily Mail's Anthony Hay): "Aguero picked up a fair few (fines). He just didn't care. He was so laid back and would just stroll out to the training pitch like five minutes late.

"[The coaches would say] 'right you're fined' and he would say 'OK, no problem. Wait until the weekend and I'll score a hat-trick and everyone will be happy.'"

Complacency is anathema to a perfectionist like Guardiola. Let's not forget this is a man who once vehemently expressed his desire for 100 per cent possession. Guardiola could point his critics, of which I've oft been one, in the direction of the Oscar Wilde line: "The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius."

It'll never happen, but if Arsenal and Manchester City did somehow reach an agreement to swap two of the best players in the Premier League, it genuinely is hard to see a loser.

The perfect transfer, like the perfect crime, has no victim. Though that may be another oxymoron.

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