Virginia Tech: You Might Be A Hokies Fan If

Paul ZimmermanContributor IJuly 30, 2009

MIAMI - JANUARY 03:  A young Hokie fan yells at the end of the FedEx Orange Bowl after the Kansas Jayhawks defeated the Virginia Tech Hokies 24-21 at Dolphin Stadium on January 3, 2008 in Miami, Florida.  (Photo by Marc Serota/Getty Images)

After reading an article on the fandom qualifiers of a certain Southern University, I decided that the Virginia Tech Hokies needed their own "You might be a Hokie fan if..."

So without further ado...you might be a Hokie fan if

  • You think the little kid in the picture above is freakin' awesome!
  • You've bench pressed a girl in a mini orange or maroon skirt while the Hokie Bird bench presses the points on the scoreboard.
  • You know the fight song is a bunch nonsense words but love it anyway.
  • You go nuts when said fight song is played at games and sing along to every word like it’s “Can’t stop believing” at a frat party.
  • You have an undying loyalty to Frank Beamer and Bud Foster. Bad coaching moves during a game are Brian Steinspring's fault, usually.
  • You think Metallica’s “Enter Sandman” is the greatest song entrance ever. (Extra fandom points for having "Enter Sandman" as your wedding reception entrance song.)
  • Anytime you hear “Enter Sandman” no matter where you are, you instinctively start jumping.
  • You wake up with sore calf muscles the day after a game from jumping.
  • You love the delicious irony of eating/swinging a giant Turkey leg during the game
  • You downloaded the Hokie Fight song as your ring tone.
  • You ever thought you’d be screwed if you ever got shipped off to war because you have a tendency to jump up and down and cheer at the sound of a cannon blast.
  • You have tried to sneak into the north endzone of Lane Stadium.
  • You’ve battled with the security guards at the front gate, trying to convince them you are sober enough to enter the game.
  • You get chills watching past night game entrances on YouTube.
  • Your wardrobe is predominately Orange and Maroon.
  • Girls: If you wear a bra one size too big to the tailgate on game day to make room for bags of Bourbon aka "Bourbon boobs."
  • Guys: You never let the girl with the Bourbon boobs out of your sight while walking to the game. You also ensure said girl sits next to you.
  • You read Tailgatefever.com and Techsideline.com religiously in preparation for game day.
  • You have perfected the Hokie Pokey.
  • You have woken up the day after a game with a VT tattoo/face paint still on your face.
  • You’ve never said a word at a Monday class in the Fall because every Saturday you lose your voice.
  • You still yell “Stick it in!, stick it in!, stick it in!” every time we’re in the red zone, even if the band isn’t allowed to lead the chant anymore.
  • You love that professors will cancel class when there is a Thursday night game in Lane Stadium.
  • You think God must have been a Hokie since every fall the leaves turn Maroon and Orange.
  • You’ve ever been to another team’s stadium/ a heavy metal concert/ a space shuttle launch and thought “well…this is loud, but it’s no Lane Stadium!”
  • You’ve ever been to an away game where Orange and Maroon dominated the home team colors in the stands.
  • You have or know someone who has a vanity plate that says something like “LTSGOVT”, “VT4LIFE”, “I<3HOKIES”, "24060" or “UVASUX.”
  • You are tired of people asking what a Hokie is.
  • You actually return to Blacksburg two days before you have to every other Thanksgiving break just to watch Tech beat UVA yet again.
  • You wish you had something as cool as Bud Foster’s lunch pail to carry your food in when you were in grammar school.
  •  You have multiple Orange Effect shirts with cool sayings like “Get out of our Lane” or “Who needs a Benz when you’ve got a Beamer?”
  • You extremely dislike the University of Virginia and the University of Miami and therefore...
  • ...You consider drinking margaritas, daiquiris, and wine at a tailgate and going to games wearing sundresses or pastel shirts and ties a mortal sin against the football gods. 
  • You cringe anytime you hear Miami being referred to as “The U”. There are hundreds of other schools that start with The U of _____. You’re not the only ones! Just because you can’t think of a better symbol for your school doesn’t mean you get to claim the title of the U. Does that mean you’re the best of the U's? In what way? There are better academic U's, better athletic U's, bigger U's. Someone please explain this to me.

As you can see, a lot goes into being the best fans in college football. Thanks for reading and let's see some more good ones I missed in the comments.

Looking forward to seeing more of these from other CF fans.

Thanks Justin, Doug, and Brittany for your input. Hi Deez!

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