Keep College Football's Excessive Gloating Penalty!

Remember that flick "A League of Their Own?" The one in which Tom Hanks informs his right fielder, “There’s no crying in baseball!”

Well, there’s no gloating in college football. At least there shouldn’t be.

Nowadays, we fans are guilty of glossing over the gloating. We’ve somehow perverted it into the more honored term “celebration.” But it’s still gloating.

It’s the same thing as taunting, or rubbing the other guy’s nose in it, or stepping on his back as you perform a choreographed clog in the end zone. Excessive dissing...er, “celebration”...should and will get you penalized in the NCAA.

If you want to dance, get a tutu and join the Bolshoi. If you want to leap onto a scrum-like pile, buy some shorts and join a rugby club. If you can’t keep your emotions in check, get a room.

Years ago, when both amateur and professional football players were gentlemen, there was no after-touchdown prancing around like a gaggle of gushing girls at a teenage slumber party. One merely made sure the referee got the ball and then accepted a handshake or pat on the back from teammates as he quickly headed back to the bench.

The idea was to let the fans celebrate. Their ecstatic cheers were sufficient emoting.

Things changed. Scoring a touchdown became a demonstrative thing. Apparently, some newcomers confused that act with the one that’s accompanied by an orgasmic display of emotion.

I can appreciate where you’re coming from. I just hope you can understand why athletic showiness isn’t rewarded by mainstream America. College football is not as much about you and your unbridled fervor as it is about sportsmanship and setting a good example to the youngsters who idolize you.

Players and fans should remember that gloating is bipolar. It’s fickle. Often it backfires, and the needle swings 180 degrees south to payback time.

Recall the 2007 BCS Championship game in which Ohio State’s Ted Ginn, Jr. ran back the opening kickoff through a chagrined team of Florida Gators 92 yards for a touchdown.

It just wasn’t enough for the Buckeye squad to applaud him or yell their appreciation for his talent. Nope, a few players had to gloat by piling onto the hapless Ginn, spraining his left foot. (Roy Hall, I love you man, but if I had been Jim Tressel, you would have run wind sprints in the parking lot at halftime until you puked.)

Ginn, Troy Smith’s favorite target and arguably the fastest man on that field, had to leave the game. The Bucks’ premature celebration helped fire up the Gators, and the old gloat needle turned south in a hurry.

You would think players would learn from history. Maybe coaches should offer a Football History 101 course. Heck, they might even get the accreditation people to go along with it.

But jocks have short memories.

About a year after the Ohio State fiasco, Washington’s Jake Locker engineered a brilliant 76-yard touchdown drive in the final minutes of a game against BYU, capped by Locker’s three-yard run into the end zone. All Jake had to do was the manly thing: Keep emotions in check and give the ball to the referee.

Instead, Jake tossed the ball into the air like a sweet sixteener heaving a pillow at the aforementioned slumber party. The Huskies were penalized 15 yards on the point after attempt, which the Cougars blocked to win the game.

Critics complained that football is an emotional sport and people get excited, so relax the rules. Yep, girls just gotta have fun. The heck with the PAT. Maybe we could award extra points for whichever team dances the best hully-gully or apes the best cell phone call to their girlfriend.

It’s just not the players who have taken gloating to a new level. Consider Georgia coach Mark Richt. He urged his Bulldogs to garner an excessive gloating penalty following a TD against archrival Florida.

Some hailed him as a genius of psychological warfare. I would have empowered officials to haul his butt out to the parking lot to join Roy.

When you think about it, we only remember the bad celebrations. That should be incentive enough to forgo them completely.

This summer, before our teams take the field in their initial gridiron contests, let’s pray that their coaches have emphasized the three K’s: Keep your penis in your pants. Keep the marijuana out of your Murano. Keep your gloating off the gridiron.