Don't Root for a Loser: How to Choose a College Football Team (Part Two)

Remember—the first rule of finding a college football team is not to jump on the bandwagon.

But the second is almost as important—don't root for a team that's going to cause you years of mindless misery—or in other words: Don't root for the loser.

Duke Football is NOT Duke basketball: It sucks (although Duke basketball's NCAA appearances haven't been anything to talk about recently, either!).

Washington State and the University of Washington? A combined one win in the whole of the 2008 season. Nice.

You'd think we'd put Texas A&M, Nebraska, Notre Dame, and Michigan on that list because of recent suckage, but you'd be wrong: these teams are long in the tooth on football tradition, and they don't suck ALL the time...just recently.

Oh, and Stanford's victory over USC doesn't mean that they are great—because they really haven't been good since John Elway graced the Northern Californian turf.

And because certain teams suck ass, their fanbase simply isn't passionate. Away fans outnumber the home fans. The student section prefers to sit outside drinking beer than actually attending the game, and those in the game feel jealous of Joe Frat Boy having a kegger at Kappa Alpha rather than being at the game.

Oh, and the PR guy can't get back to the media because he's on the phonecall to the suicide hotline, swearing to someone at the other end of the phone that if there's wasn't a damned recession, he'd be taking a sabbatical for football season.

There might be glimpses of hope.

Coaches swear that this year, they will turn around a program.

But that's a lie. The University that Sucks will still be in the shadow of most other teams in college football. And you know that that the athletic directors—despite jawing about their "commitment" to a school because of its "rich tapestry" (of sucking) don't really care whether the team's coach wins or loses.

And with the lack of backing and the lacking of winning, the fanbase gets easily fed up and Joe Coach becomes Joe Jobless.

It's OK to root for a historically inept school against your designated team of hatred. I root for Indiana Football when the Hoosiers play Michigan or Ohio State. Everyone in the SEC roots for Vanderbilt against Tennessee, Florida, and LSU.

But don't do it all the time. Because although one speck of glory will be able to shine that turd of misery, it'll still be a turd of misery.

And believe me, you don't want that.

LSU fans say it best:



Remember, don't go for the winner, don't go for the loser.

So up to now, we've ruled out Florida, Washington, Washington State, and Duke. There's still time....