Regrettable Sports Commercials

We all have regrets in life. They can range anywhere from diet and exercise all the way up to our jobs and even how we express our feelings.

In sports, athletes go through the same range of emotions that we do. But one area in which we are different is when it comes to television. This slideshow is all about the faulty decisions professional athletes make over the course of their TV careers.

Take a moment to bask in all of its terrible glory, because without further delay, here are the most regrettable commercials in sports history.

Pete Rose: Grecian Formula

This Pete Rose commercial talking about how to avoid gray hair is everything. Please, press play and watch Rose explain why his teammates can't stand players who rock a gray mop in what I imagine to be a wood-paneled clubhouse.

Of all the ridiculous layers that engulf this commercial, nothing beats the wig he's wearing to show off what his hair looks like before he slathers on a greasy chunk of Grecian.

One final note that's of the utmost importance: Post-Cincinnati Reds Rose is the best kind of Rose. He's on a different level when he's in that Philadelphia Phillies uniform.

Larry Bird: Miller Lite

Usually, beer commercials are always on the money. They can be outrageous and still strike a chord with consumers. But this gem from Miller Lite never quite found its groove.

Channeling a '90s version of Larry Bird, a couple of fellas are hanging out a bar watching their favorite basketball team take a beating. About to give up on all hope, one of those gentleman slams down his beer in frustration, and bam: Larry Bird emerges from the crowd.

He rips off his suit like Superman to reveal a basketball uniform. On cue, he descends from the rafters like Sting and dominates his foe. The guys then celebrate the win and thank their delicious beer for the assist, all while the "fat lady" sings in the background.

Wayne and Keith Gretzky: 7UP

Playing hockey and "hydrating" with soda is the best idea ever! If it weren’t, Wayne Gretzky wouldn't do it on TV. Can't you picture millions of kids telling their parents that in the '80s?

Gretzky drinking soda and flying all over the ice is one thing. But when his kid brother Keith Gretzky gets in on the action, all bets are off.

The only Gretzky outside of Wayne most people know is his daughter, Paulina. Seeing this Keith character put in work next to his big brother was mind-rattling. A quick search of Google's records reveals that Keith is now a scout for the Boston Bruins.

That kind of ruins this commercial. It would be much more fun to write a fictional story about Keith and why never surpassed his brother in the NHL.

Various Professional Athletes: Eastern Motors

Had you been one of the early soldiers to venture out on the front lines of YouTube, you would have seen this wild commercial from Eastern Motors staring Ray Lewis, Clinton Portis, LaVar Arrington and Brendan Haywood.

Sitting in their respective rides, each athlete vibes along to a banal song.  Out of everyone who graced us with their presence, Portis' scenes go above and beyond. He truly was the real MVP.

Drew Brees: Spark

If these were Drew Brees' teammates, his career would have lasted four seconds in the NFL.

The famed New Orleans Saints quarterback rushes into a meeting room that looks like a converted high school science lab and begins to spew football knowledge, all while randomly running a treadmill. His "teammates" are amazed by this feat and ask him how he's always so energized.

It's all thanks to a weird product called Spark, of course. Please, someone who comments below this article, send me a box of that stuff so I can write and run on a treadmill at the same time. 

Mario Lemieux: Auto Dealership

All local car dealership commercials have to pay homage to this "gem" starring Pittsburgh Penguins great Mario Lemieux. 

It has all of the ingredients for a hot plate of disaster: Corny acting, a terrible little kid cameo and a VHS-quality camera.

The real tragedy is that this took place before you could make fun of these types of commercials. Picturing the director selling this concept to Lemieux must have been a thrilling experience.

Pete Rose: Aqua Velva

Pete Rose is back for another regrettable commercial, this time with the heinous-smelling men's cologne Aqua Velva.

A female reporter is seen asking Pete questions. Not about baseball, of course, but about what he wants out of his aftershave. Rose responds in a "manly" way, all while she fawns and trips over his every word.

Rose endorses covering yourself in Aqua Velva, which sends off an odor strong enough to take down a sloth of brown bears frolicking in the wilderness. Still, it's hard to argue with the results. Just look at how that young woman follows him down the third base line.

Jonathan Ogden: Go Gebco

Jonathan Ogden may have been 6'9" and weighed 345 pounds, but it's tough to imagine hitting him with your car wouldn't inflict a profusion of damage on the former Baltimore Ravens big man.

The gag centers on a lady smashing her aqua-green ride into an unfazed Ogden and blaming him for her car being totaled. After she's done with her rant, she changes her tune and explains why he really needs Gebco insurance—not to be confused with GEICO.

From that moment on, the spot goes from cheesy to awful. Ogden is surrounded by a bunch of women dressed like Sheryl Crow—circa 1997—who dance around him to an insufferable jingle.

Wheaties

You can pick and choose many words in the English language that you could use to properly describe this Wheaties commercial. For the sake of brevity, let's go with wretched.

Everything in this video is wretched. Daryl Dawkins singing the jingle, the random dropping of a strawberry into a dry bowl of Wheaties, all of it is utter rubbish. At least Wheaties got it together and produced quality work after this dark period.

Cal and Bill Ripken: The Ripken Way

Cal and Billy Ripken. After their playing careers were complete, the greatest brotherly duo in the history of sports created a series of instructional baseball videos that would forever change the way we think about the game.

That may be laying it on a bit thick, but either way, this commercial is regrettable. Both Ripken brothers teach you the game and present it to us with the unwavering charm of an infomercial. Offered on VHS and DVD, The Ripken Way stands the test of time. Too bad the website that was linked to the back of the commercial is now defunct.

Never forget Billy Ripken belting out the phrase "Oh that is nice" at the end of the spot. Never forget.

Isiah Thomas: Toyota

Before he destroyed the New York Knicks, Isiah Thomas was one of the best point guards in the NBA. Being one of the best guards means that you get lots of endorsements.

This particularly awful one was with Toyota.

Pete Rose: Kool-Aid Game

Ending this list without another Pete Rose commercial in it would be criminal at this stage in the game. Rose's endorsement deals ran wild during his playing career. But perhaps none were more bizarre than deal he struck with Kool-Aid.

It's a real challenge to describe the dangerous levels of absurdity that go on in this thing. The only way to truly get a feel for it is by sitting back and pressing play.