Replace Dave Sims With Me

I love the Seattle Mariners.

In 2005, I moved to Los Angeles and began doing some work as a script consultant and worked for an independent production company in Hollywood.

I was sad to leave because I could no longer watch the Sonics and Mariners on a regular basis. I was going to miss Kevin Colabro and Dave Niehaus.

And I did.

When I returned back to Seattle in 2008, I attended every single Sonics’ game that I could. I think I missed two from late January to the end of season.  I also love the Sonics, but this isn’t about them.

I was excited for baseball season. I’m an eternal optimist and have hope that the Mariners will always will compete in the extremely crappy AL West.

I had found out that Ron Fairly had retired at the end of the 2006 season and I could have not been more excited. I could not stand him talking about how he played with Sandy Koufax and other Dodger greats and then he’d break into other stories about God knows what and I’d have to turn the channel.

I love my Mariners, but I could never take more than three innings of Ron Fairly.

So when I found out Fairly was gone, I was in an exuberant mood. I popped a cold one and had a little self-celebration. I was so happy! Finally the worst commentator in all of baseball was out of Seattle and we could move on with our lives,be happy, and he could stop ruining Dave Niehaus’ hall of fame career.

Coincidence that Niehaus makes the hall of fame after Fairly left?

I think not.

It’s just a shame that Ron Fairly ruined Dave’s prime. Only if Niehaus had been paired with someone a little bit better, then his play-by-play could have gone from legendary to SuperLegendary and that is how you’d have to spell it.

So when I turned on my first Mariner game last year and for the first few innings I was treated to the familiar vocals of Dave Niehaus and new color man, former Mariner, Mike Blowers.

A quick side note about Blowers real fast; he’s fantastic. I really love listening to Blowers, he compliments any announcer and he’s meant for the booth.

After the four-and-a-half innings that Niehaus does for television before he switches to the radio, a new guy popped into his place. It wasn’t Fairly and it wasn’t Rick Rizzs, but a new guy who had done some work with Westwood One and ESPN.

It was Dave Sims.

At first, he seemed okay, really knowledgeable, and seemed to be a genuinely nice guy. 

The more I listened to him, the more and more I thought he was worse than Ron Fairly—and the more and more I wanted him gone.

He told even worse stories that had nothing to do with anything, he’d go off on these tangents that didn’t quite make sense and the jokes he told—oh my god, the jokes that he told. He would be the only one laughing at them and I could sense that Mike Blowers was searching for something to stab Sims in the neck with.

I am just glad that he is not paired with Niehaus; I think the man would try to talk over a legend and then I’d be forced to break into the press box and punch him.

In conclusion, I think I should replace Dave Sims.

I’m articulate, have done numerous and very successful interviews all over the country, and know just about everything there is to know about the Mariners.

I don’t want Sims to be jobless, I just don’t want him in Seattle.

So call FSN Northwest and tell them you want Nesgoda in 2010.