Still Dealing With Favre Dearest

Mike JonesCorrespondent IMay 6, 2009

My parents are divorced. One has full custody of me, though I hate his rules and can't understand why he won't talk to me as much as I would like. But, he still makes my lunch and annoys me about my homework. He'll pick me up from school and sign off on my report cards.

I don't always like him, hell, sometimes I loathe him and slam my door in anger (like when I need a new gadget or at least one that works). But when I re-open that door, he'll always be there.

The other parent, although I know she loves me, is crazy. After the divorce, she changed her entire outfit and insisted that she was 19 instead of 39. When I do visit her at my court-appointed time, my crazy parent ignores me or insists on giving me money to go away while she has "other friends" come over (like that one dude from New York, who she ended up ruining).

In fact, she keeps on asking about my dad. She asks if he's happy about the divorce, if he's seeing anybody else, and if so, asking me if I love the newer one more than them. I know it's out of a deep insecurity, so I constantly assure her that the new one will ever replace her in my heart, no matter how crazy she acts.

But now, I'm hearing a rumor that she's thinking about dating the one kid in school I can't stand.

The rich kid who throws lavish parties on the family boat, only to crash the boat into a police dock. The rich kid who acts like they've earned everything they get, but we all know they haven't earned a thing.

Video Play Button
Videos you might like

The kid who brags about being accepted by an Ivy League school, but still can't distinguish the difference between "there," "their" and "they're."

The kid who uses outdated terms like "kick ass" to describe their too-tight Ed Hardy t-shirts which only show off their gut even more.

The kid with the sycophantic friends they bought, who try to pick fights with my friends and I in class. Who call me dumb when I actually have better grades and make fun of my house when they live in a mcmansion that won't last past next year.

My crazy, jealous, insecure, ego mom wants to shack up with THAT kid?

And you know what? I don't know who I pity more: My mom or the brat. The kid is obviously insecure and thinks dating a past-their-prime cougar will up their popularity in school.

My crazy mom thinks this will finally satisfy her need for revenge against the boring, somewhat maddening, but stable ex-husband by shacking up with a youthful moron—because they'll see each other twice (once for my birthday and once for graduation), and those two days will be worth an entire year of misery.

I even worry about some of my friends, who think my mom is the better parent because they always got pizza and ice cream from the her, while dad insisted on fruits and vegetables.

But junk food will only make you so strong, and eventually, the boring vegetables will help you in the long run.

In the end, I'll always love both of my parents. Because I can't deny that both loved each other for 17 years, and they stuck with each other as long as they could (even though mom kept talking about leaving dad for the last five years before the split).

Years from now, this won't matter as much as it does now. But today, if you ask me, I'll stick with the boring rules enforcer over the crazy one—because he's doing his best to stay with me.

Maybe he didn't have as much of a choice, but it's nice to know someone will always be there, doing their best while the other prioritizes their own gratification and fleeting chance at revenge over those they claim to adore. 


The latest in the sports world, emailed daily.